Today, the colors seemed to fade in the world, and I discovered I had trouble enjoying being part of the present. While the beer tasted good, and the food was excellent, I found myself not caring and unable to enjoy most things (I felt unsettled). I know this is grief and depression from losing Susie, which is terrible. It is not unexpected.
The hospice service, Serenity Hospice, sent me a brochure on grief, and on it is a list of the physical effects; got ’em. I will start to follow their instructions for coping. Going back to my way of thinking of the pain, I never got off the docks before another journey began. It is a slower river of emotion and events, but a trip that must be made and completed. I have to find my way. Again, this is not an adventure I would willingly accept, but one I must pass through. It did come with a brochure, at least.
Starting the narrative, I started my day by sleeping into 8ish, which surprised me, and today, Friday, was my first day alone. I made liberal coffee and had a banana for breakfast. I planned to organize the house more and sort Susie’s clothing. Retaining some of Susie’s cool shirts and t-shirts to be made into a quilt or pillows. But this would be painful, and I decided to put this off. Instead, I picked a more mundane topic: paperwork. I spent hours taking all the bills and getting them into my binders for September and October. I also went into Quicken and reviewed and corrected the transactions–some obviously wrong. While not an exciting task, I was focused and smiled when I found receipts for things I bought Susie or when we were in the mall. It is good to finish something.
Aside: The brochure from Serenity Hospice mentions making a memory book about the departed. I see how that might helps when just handling the receipts.
I received an email from Sedgwick on my three-day bereavement leave. More paperwork from them, definitely an eye-roll moment when it was the same forms I signed last week but a different ticket. I printed the forms, signed them, photographed the signed documents, logged back on to work, connected to the ticket online, and uploaded the photos. More focus.
I had lunch from the seemingly never-ending meatloaf that Charlotte J brought a few days ago. I ate this while watching another Sit Down and Shut Up game review video via YouTube. This time, it was a game I had seen other reviews for, a reworking of poorly produced older games. It is not my style, but maybe Richard will purchase one; he loves to buy everything new and well-rated, and then I can try it.
I headed into the garage, got a folding chair and table, and opened my electronic-filled tool chest. I buy two or more of anything I think I could use. Sparkfun and AdaFruit boards are everywhere, and I will never use most of this stuff. I grab a smaller container; I have spares smaller ones in the garage from when we did the carpets seven or so years ago, and everything had to move to the garage. I fill it with older Raspberry Pis, Arduinos of various strange formats, robot controllers, and lots of little boards I will not use. I also add connectors (that game comes in sets of twenty on Amazon, and I have never needed more than a few) and blank boards that have accumulated. I was surprised to fill the box and a cigar box, including a tiny penny-sized Arduino with add-on boards.
I carefully load this little electronic gift box into Air Volvo’s cargo hold. Air Volvo then traveled to Gizmo’s, an electronic junk and surplus store. They are happy to accept this; the staff looking through the container were excited to see the Arduino boards, Raspberry Pis, and even a game controller break-out board. I did not take inventory and cannot write this off, but it is likely hundreds of dollars worth of stuff, but I am happy it will be used. It’s better than sitting in my drawers. I will try not to refill the drawers!
On returning, I trashed all the spray paint cans, which are years old, for figure painting. I no longer use the Army Painter approach to figure painting, and the paint was aging. I also wanted the tool chest for electronics not to hold paint cans. I then cleaned the drawers as some of the cans had leaked. I needed to clean the dust from the drawers and could not just wipe it out.
I found the hand vacuum; Susie used it for small messes and to remove the lint from the dryer. She always insisted on having a hand vacuum near her. It was not working, and I cleaned it–it was full of stuff. I was sad; apparently, Susie could not clean it; it required too much strength, and she never mentioned that it was not working. So, I emptied it and cleared the filters. It was like new. I am finding little things like this where Susie could not remember something or would not tell me she needed something. My wife was proud and brave and maybe a little stubborn.
I started to move electronic items into the recently cleared tool chest. Every trip to the garage gets an item in the tool chest. I was tired, so I read and started to fall asleep. I was not ready to sleep the afternoon away. I tried to find something to do. King Arthur Flour’s website finally fixed its issue with carts (the website allowed you to fill your cart, but check-out failed, leaving you on an empty and useless screen–not a good feature if you want to sell products), so my baking products are on their way. I should have some time to bake and wanted to make no-kneading bread instead of buying bread. I also got a call from Zerida; she was worried about me, and I promised soon to visit her in Texas. Violet Blue, who I only know through text and a Kickstarter, sent me her number, and we will talk on Sunday. Others have sent me supportive emails, which helps, and while I hate to admit that I am a bit needy, please keep sending them.
Among the many hobbies I have is nearly an addiction to Tolkien and Lord of the Rings (LOTR), and the LOTR Role Playing Game (RPG) for Dungeons and Dragons 5E (5E) is irresistible to me. This is a reworking of better-looking books by Cubical 7 (I think I have them all), but I still buy everything as it comes out. Two (yes, two!) new books from Free League were delivered. They send out the PDF before you get the books, so you have something to use (and it is searchable) even before the physical books come. And while I miss the glossy color LOTR art (breathtaking!) from Cubical 7 and scoff at the black and white of Free League, the books are slightly cheaper and coming out faster than anything Cubical 7 did.
Matt V (another gamer) and I are often frustrated by RPG rules. The systems of rules are often presented in colorful and expensive books, but there is nothing to play with. We prefer excellent adventures and cool things to play rather than perfect rules. And often, unless the RPG gets lots of play, the issues in the rules are not fixed and thus are far from perfect (if you buy a new 5E book, it includes the fixes). I am happy that the last three books and the gaming screen from Free League have adventures. The latest books are mostly adventure, perfect. I think I will need to form a LORT 5E group to play hobbits (one book is primarily The Shire and comes with an adventure path that includes playing Bilbo Baggins). Yes, you have The Ring and might need to use it–it is costly to use.
I spent the rest of the afternoon reading about LOTR 5E and the Tolkien lands of Eriador. While not all canon, I enjoy reading this extension of the years between The Hobbit and LOTR books, the setting time for LOTR 5E.
I see that I am writing too much. Sorry, but I love this stuff.
Returning to my narrative, Evan and I met at The 649–a taphouse with food and a full bar. Evan was late, so I got a beer and set up the board game Lost Ruins of Arnak. I had just reached the newest add-on and wanted to play the slightly revised game. I set up the game with the more challenging board side, as Evan and I are both good at this game. I got a sandwich, BBQ beef pressed-style. I got chips, too, with the guacamole dip. I played the new mechanic leader, and Evan took the Captain (from the previous add-on). I could get my cards to flow with the machine and my monkey helper (really fun), but I could not overcome Evan’s clean play and the Captain’s extra meeple ability. Evan won by more than ten points. Still, with a little more careful play and more players (many games swing a bit to one-sidedness with just two players), I think the mechanic is an excellent leader.
Amanda was watching us and told us she always wanted to play the game at a table in The 649. She owned an unplayed copy. So we reset back to the base game, and Amanda, whom we just met, took a seat, and we got to play again with three players. I did the teach, as Amanda did not know how to play–but soon I saw she was a skilled gamer–and she grabbed the lead! I focused less on playing and helping Amanda play well, as happens when you teach. Which is my excuse for my score of 48. Evan was 51, and Amanda won with 54.
I got a beer as I put away the game. Trying not to mix up the add-ons, it took about thirty minutes. Amanda is a production assistant in movies and TV, and she and Evan discovered that they had met before professionally (they learned this as they chatted) and shared their experiences in film and TV filming in the area. From what I heard while packing the games, Amanda did Grim, our beloved TV series set in the local area.
We said our goodbyes and shared our numbers. Amanda was on a mommy break at The 649; she has two younger kids and a software engineer for a husband. More games to follow.
I was now sleepy and arrived safe in Air Volvo at the Volvo Cave and soon was in bedding, nodding off while my mind wondered more LOTR, 5E style.
Thanks for reading.
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