Today 22Oct2023

Today, I started at 7AM, rolled over, and started twenty minutes later. It is Sunday, and I want to return to First United Methodist Church, Beaverton. Mine and Susie’s church since we moved to Oregon in 1996. I would need to practice thanking folks for their concern and saying the words we always have to say, “Thank you.” And while it sounds like I am not thankful, which is not the case, it is an arduous and dreaded task. But, the voyage I am on without Susie cannot be avoided and must be experienced. So I start the day dragging and getting coffee made, liberal made with Equal Exchange brand ground coffee and a banana. I then write the blog.

Describing Saturday, it takes most of the early morning to write. The sun rises, and I see it is another grey day, but the mist is gone today. I had decided to wear my new grey suit, pocket watch, homberg hat, and black shoes. Soon, a quick shower and the usual things are completed. I remember to take my meds. Being from the East, I find wearing a suit a comfort and feel better with my armor on. Everyone will see the grief, and I prefer the suit to a sloppy T-shirt to show I am together. I put on my best for my first outing.

Church is unchanged, with many friends happy to see me return today and everyone surprised–I had not warned them beforehand–and the same service I remember. I walked in with a visitor, and I was unprepared to handle that, so I found another to greet him. I would make a hash of it, and with everyone reacting to me, he would be lost in the shuffle–so I got him away from me.

The music was good, and I enjoyed another sermon from Pastor Ken. Ken was doing the hardest bible verse, Acts 5:1-11 where Sapphira and Ananias die for lying to Peter. A harsh moment in Acts. Pastor Ken said this was about God holding us to our promises and his plan. He parallels today and how we must not forget ourselves and do wrong things. The horrific actions in the Middle East are an example of this. Ken said he is rethinking if he is doing everything he promised and suggests we all reconsider and reframe our perceptions, asking if we are doing what we promised.

After that, I talked to folks for a while and then headed to Elephants Delicatessen in Beaverton, recently opening in the place that used to be the German place. I had a BLT and a soda. It was great. Next, I did Powell’s Books in Beaverton and bought a few mysteries on special.

I felt unwell and tired. Not depressed, but terrible. Air Volvo took me home, and I carefully removed my suit, put it back on a hanger, and then crawled into bed. I had a tumult of dreams, and sleep came and went. I was exhausted–grief is exhausting, a new learning. I finally rose after 5PM. I called Leta back in North Carolina. It is Susie’s Uncle Gene’s 90th birthday party today, and she told me all about it. It is the first party Susie and I have missed in years, and nearly everyone in Susie’s family is there. Leta said to me that all the kids are grown. It was good to connect.

I finished Charlotte J’s meatloaf dinner, heating it in the microwave. I watched some more of the first season of Sandman. I like it and wanted to re-watch the first season. I spent part of the evening watching three episodes.

Aside: Cory Johnson would always ask me what I was watching when we met at his house to play Dungeons and Dragons. Cory passed away just a few days before Susie. I will attend his service this Monday. Not only do I miss Susie, but I also often think Cory would do this gaming thing and then remember he is not with us. I will miss you, our paladin. You can learn about Cory here.

I started then on the blog.

Thanks for reading.