Day 46 Monday

Back to normal days. It is now 46 days since being diagnosed with a brain tumor, another Monday.

I rise with only five hours of sleep but still wake before my alarm and feel rested. I have changed my order of doing things and now just dress in the morning. I make a NYC bagel (thanks, Joyce) with cream cheese and liberal fair trade coffee in my French Press. I did not have time to finish the blog and headed to work. I had started it on Sunday, but as it was a travel day, I could not find a moment to complete it.

I boarded Air Volvo and headed to the Swift at Nike, Inc. WHQ in light traffic. I arrived at work and did the usual meetings. Folks were happy to see me back, and I felt a bit lighter after the week away.

I had to leave early and head to my Ears, Nose, and Throat (E.N.T.) surgeon, and he went over what needed to be done to remove the tumor. My hearing will be lost, and my balance center on the left side will also be lost by the surgery. The tumor is too large to allow for my hearing and balance on the left side to be saved. I was disappointed. The surgery is quite intense. I was given a paper on everything that could go wrong; it was pretty frightening.

Sometime this week, I will finish the process of being qualified for the surgery. I learned that the surgery date will likely be in April or later. The recovery is long, being six weeks on average, and two months not unusual. The doctor believes my balance and hearing are already lost on the left side and that my right side has already taken over. He thinks I will not have a balance or dizziness after the surgery. I have all the risks of brain surgery, and waiting is likely to not delay the need for surgery and may make my symptoms worse. It is essential to get this over.

I was depressed and unhappy and still had to accept this new voyage I had to make. It is hard. I cried.

I will do it, and my friends will help me. But it is difficult to accept.

I read the papers while eating Chinese-style food at Happy Panda- comfort food. I had the orange chicken, soup, and hot tea. I felt a bit better.

I told my boss, Brad, the story and what it meant–he tried to be supportive, but I could tell he was disturbed by the losses and risks. It is a harsh reality to face. We are both looking for dates to begin the paperwork and planning.

I did one more meeting and then headed home. The accumulated mail was to be delivered today. I needed some prescriptions, and I had some packages coming. I was also shell-shocked.

The mail had just been delivered, and I went through it. I found many 2023 tax papers, my prescriptions, and some packages. Everything was there that I expected. The Kramer’s gift coffee had arrived (thanks, Natasha and Jason), rules for WW1 naval battles with miniatures, 1/6000 WW1 miniatures, and the chrome pen I need to work on some Scythe figures.

I rested briefly and then made dinner: angel hair pasta with sauce from a jar and ground beef. It was a bit plain, but it still helped. Cooking dinner makes you feel like you have some control back. I then finished the Sunday blog.

And that takes me to writing this Monday’s story.

I am feeling better and feel like I have been pushed off again into a river on a raft. Again, it is not a trip I would be willing to take, but one I must. I can hear Susie’s voice saying, “Are you OK?” I think I am. I am far from my comfort zone, but I have traveled before, and I will adapt.

Thanks for reading.