Monday started with waking before my alarm and rising just before 6:30AM. It is a return-to-the-office day after the shock and awe of the layoffs. It was strange not to see some people to whom I have been saying good morning for years.
Returning to the start of the day, I made coffee after rising and finding my slippers and robe. I found the last nectarine to go with it. I took my piece of fruit and coffee to the in-home office and read emails, Slack messages, and the news online to prepare for my day. I cleaned up and dressed. I remembered to rub Utterly Smooth 20% Urea (cow pee) into my feet and hands. This is recommended to delay/stop nerve issues from chemotherapy. It seems to work. My hands and feet, while a bit strange feeling–like in a glove, they work.
I arrive early, and one chair is empty, and I miss our friend. The whole day, I discussed what could be described as survivor guilt with directors and single contributors. Yikes, we all agree it was a brutal layoff and illogical. Everyone is trying to find meaning.
A plan for restructuring our group into a flatter organization using the older Nike idea of a house with pillars was shared with me. The house is a general capability; under that are pillars that deliver the capability. We will be rearranged into three pillars, but my boss, Brad, said I am effectively untethered. I will have to wait to learn my new duties and what pillar I am assigned to. I was not expecting to be so affected by this; I am a nervous wreck. I thought I had perfected my cynical view of corporate America, but I seem to care still. Scary. I must wait until Thursday or later to learn about my assignment and portfolio.
I did my status meetings, and the project is back on track and running testing despite the chaos. We have two status meetings again every day. The defect meeting was canceled as we have not yet begun to open defects. I did attend my change control meetings and approved changes to be applied to production.
The weather was chaotic, matching my mood, with rain and snow randomly switching back and forth. I was surprised to clean snow off the windshield of Air Volvo this morning! I watched the snow rain and back while listening to meetings and looking out the window. I usually sit in the same place.
At work, my greeting was, “Nice to see you,” and a handshake. Everyone smiled and was glad to be there. We would often steal a glance at where a chair was still empty when saying that. Nods would agree that it was sad.
I had lunch with Mihir and Jatin from the master data governance engineering team at the Nike cafe, my current team. There is a pop-option at the cafe, and I always pick it. The food was always good, not usually over-salted or huge calorie loads, and right there at the start. You also pay there and avoid the cashier line. Today, it was a fried shrimp po’boy–a sandwich. I was going to eat only the shrimp, but I was hungry and ate the bun and veggies. It also came with homemade potato chips. Oh my!
After returning, I decided I was cold and could finish from home. So I traveled home and was soon at the house. I had helped pay for Corwin’s new glasses, $650, to help him get his driver’s license by passing the eye test. The cash app was not allowing me to send large amounts to Corwin. We are still trying to figure that out. We did get it to take $201.
My new book on the SMS Derfflinger arrived today. I learned only a few days ago that 3D color reconstruction drawings were published. This long-gone warship, salvaged and then scrapped in 1946, was the greatest of the class of ships known as battlecruisers built in the early 1900s and served in WW1. This ship survived a smashing at Jutland 1916, the greatest battleship conflict in history, but was remembered as the Iron Dog after surviving. I was happy that it is still being remembered with a recent publication. The book is dedicated to Gary Staff, one of the best historians of WWI who wrote from the German Naval view, and his text describes the ship in the book (sadly, I learned that Mr. Staff passed away in 2015). The SMS Derfflinger was destroyed when it was scuttled by its own crew in 1918. The bells still survive.
I read my new book and the amazing color reconstructions while under a blanket. I could not get warm today. When I am stressed, I freeze, a gift from chemo. I finally checked in on work; nobody needed me after I was no longer shaking from the cold.
I made tacos for dinner. I add a can of chopped, seasoned tomatoes to my ground beef and taco spices (from a seasoning back–low salt). I heated the shells, which I like crunchy, and filled them with spicy meat and tomato mix, cheese, lettuce, and sour cream. Old comfort food, but good.
I then worked on this blog. I am freezing again with my sweater and electric throw helping.
I am stressed by the changes at work, Susie’s memorial is approaching, and I have surgery in May. Don’t know why I am stressed (wink).
Thanks for reading.
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