Author: alohawild

Going backward, this was a usual day, and likely this will be a story today. It is 8ish, and I am writing the blog. Before this, I took a short nap and fell into a deep sleep while reading about the Battle of Jutland. I had made dinner: fettuccini pasta from a box, cooked al dente, a red sauce from a bottle from Whole Foods, and a pound of sweet Italian-style sauce fried just before turning crunchy and broken up into bits. My fav. I had a few small bowls, but most of it went into a glass storage dish (thanks, Glenda and Gene) for another day. This also helped me sleep, I am sure.

I watched the fourth season of The Magicians–I bought the last two seasons when the show was running. I used to watch them a second time after seeing them on cable with Susie. This was before you could replay episodes on cable. I forgot how much I liked the later seasons of the show.

The rains have slowed and stopped, with the stars showing tonight. The backyard at the Volvo Cave is flooded about five inches. There are many puddles around the house. There is light flooding all over the Beaverton Area. There are reports that coastal cities suffered more damage and serious flooding. Here, it is just damp, and the waters are receding.

I cried a few times today. The grief slides into the quiet moments. For example, I was sitting near all the Christmas decorations at work, and soon, I was teared up about missing Susie. She would have loved the look and loved attending parties at Nike. The holiday party is next week. The worst is when you see something you would buy or share with the person you lost, only to remember again that they are passed. Grief then slams into you.

I have decided to make no significant or life-changing decisions until six months after Susie’s death. April 13th, to be specific. This is just before my 60th birthday, and I may, at least, go on holiday for my birthday.

I was at the office early in the afternoon, did some status meetings, and talked to my boss about new work. It was a usual day, and lunch was provided for the software testing folks and their support (us). It was a Mediterranean-style food with falafel and chicken as protein options. I passed on the pita bread (remembering my A1C), but the spicy garlic sauce was excellent. I had too much coffee and will be more careful now–I was shaky in the morning and early afternoon.

Before this, I started my day at 6AM after a disturbed sleep. I made coffee (I drank all of this and more from an urn at work–mistake) and sliced some baked goods (a smaller slice) to go with my banana. I read the emails, Slack channel updates, and the news to prepare for my day.

As the sun rose, I saw the flooded backyard deep in water. The gutters by my office window were blocked and were more waterfall than gutter. After showering, dressing, and putting on my new electric blue Air Zoom shoes, I went outside. The wetness in the grass filled my shoes. As I walked on the lawn, the water ran through the grass, into my shoes, and then accumulated in the low corner of my backyard. I went to work in wet shoes, my new coat, and my spare brown hat that Corwin often used. My new waterproof coat was covered in shiny drops, and my wool hat was spotted with wetness.

My coat hung over my chair at work and dripped onto the floor. I ignored my wet feet. I spent the morning in status meetings.

I called The Willows and talked to the social worker, and they are now checking on Leta, Susie’s mother. I spoke to Leta, and she was feeling better but was frustrated with the paperwork issues. The Willow’s evaluation of her status was far from correct, and she will have to appeal it. This is familiar to me with my adventures with Susie and I hope we can get things better without more frustration.

Well, that is about it for today. I am off to a late night with Dondrea and Z in Portland tomorrow. We are going to the Center Stage: The Armory for their version of Dracula. More on that tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

Tonight, the grief came when I was between things. I try to keep busy so that grief only peeks in and makes me sad. Tonight, it reminded me of all that I have lost and what I see in the house: Susie’s hat, her mittens, her purse, her chair–it is hard. I am not sure I can live here, and I am not sure I can stop being overwhelmed. It was hard. Grief is a mountain with no paths–a terrible climb with no promise of finding the summit.

Sorry–it is a hard day.

I lost my hat. The brown one I always wear. I ordered another one, exactly the same, as usual. I think I left it at the theater, and I went there today–not there. I almost ordered a different hat, but it is the one I always wear, so I ordered it again. Maybe next time I will order something new. Brown, medium, and Indiana Jones style.

What to put in the blog? It is Tuesday, and like most of these work days, it is about the same. I hate to keep telling the same story, but life is often about discipline and habits. So please forgive me if this reads like other days.

I woke minutes, or so it seemed, after falling asleep reading about the Battle of Jutland (1916). I knew I had slipped into sleep when I found I was not reading but dreaming the words and seeing the battle. I woke while holding the book, feeling the rocking of my bed as my cruiser was searching for the British (I am reading Skagerrak: The Battle of Jutland Through German Eyes, which is recommended if you want insane details on ship movements). I marked my place, closed my eyes, pulled up the blankets against the cold North Sea my ship was entering, and fell asleep wondering if this was Der Tag–The dreamed-of day when the battle between fleets finally happens). I slept all night and woke with my alarm at 6AM, as if just a minute later. I was tired–I set the alarm again for 6:30, which seemed only seconds later. 

From Wikipedia Commons. WW1 German Light Cruiser.

I rose. I did not want to leave the seas and the fading memory of driving through the sea (the rains and the gurgling of the water in the leaf-stuffed gutters added to the nautical feel). I don’t get seasick in my dreams, and the dream coal smoke does not make me cough. We never find the British in my dream patrol, and I enjoy sailing the Kaiser’s fastest ships at full speed in the dream gray reaches. It is a lovely rest.

Finding that my robe and slippers (and not my dream WW1 wool uniform), I start my day by making liberal coffee, not from colonies being expended to pay for new battleships, but the fair exchange that protects the farmers and gives them a reasonable price for their coffee–it is not 1916! I found some baked goods from Whole Foods to go with my banana. I took it all to the in-home office.

Returning to the real world, while tired from my dream patrol, I start the day reading my emails and Slack channel updates and getting ready to start my day. I take my meds, shower, dress, and do everything I need to do to prepare to head to the office. Today, the electric blue (my name for the color) Zoom Air shoes. The pain is much reduced in my feet, and when on the stairs in the Swift Building (after a non-memorable drive in no traffic), I have little challenge being safe. Better.

The usual Zoom status and alignment meetings fill the morning, plus an extra meeting to hear from our CEO to introduce the new CTO, our new boss, the Chief Technology Officer, with her position elevated to the executive team. I cannot cover that here, but it was interesting to hear the new boss. I was done about 11AM and talked to a few folks.

In Swift, lunch was provided for the testers and their support (us), and remembering my A1C (high at 7.2 with it being just over 5 a year ago), I had the veggie sandwich and veggie salad. I could not resist the cupcake. But I only had fruit for some extras for breakfast. No bacon, no carbs.

I did a few more meetings and more research on my new work. Again, details of the work cannot be recorded here. As I said before, I left early to try to recover my lost hat. I finished at home with more Zoom meetings.

My new coat arrived in one day; this one is 3X, fits, and will replace my torn-up Carhartt. I also got a guilty pleasure, a miniature French Bakery to build; I’m not sure when I will get to it, but I look forward to making one of these long weekends, or maybe a few long weekends.

I made dinner after reading some more Jutland and nodding off again. It was another spin in the North Sea. I woke up and made dinner. I had set out a NY strip steak and salted it a few hours earlier. I cooked it in the broiler. I baked it to finish it. I microwaved a sweet potato (I bought a bag of those in error) and added butter and cinnamon (no sugar). I found some corn and heated that in a stainer over hot water.

Aside: I did set off the smoke alarm and did have to put out the flames when the fat from the steaks started a more aggressive grilling process unwise to let continue in the oven. No problem.

I purchased a knife sharpener, recommended by the New York Times, as I had expensive dull knives. Quite frustrating. I got my Global knives back in shape (I keep the sharpener in the bottom of the pantry so it does not get overused, and I want my counter space) and cut the steak into thin slices. I put about 1/3 of the sliced streak in the frig for a salad in a few days.

I enjoyed my dinner while finishing the episodes of Only Murder in the Building for the last season. This zany show was one I watched with Susie until her attention span and ability to stay awake faded. We switched to just music for the last months and short trips to the park. I enjoyed the last three episodes, and I am sure this tripped the grief tonight while I ate alone and watched a show we used to enjoy. I missed sharing the show with Susie.

I will not avoid grief, and someday we will meet as equals and friends, but now it is just pain and tears.

I did call The Willows and left a message with a director to look into Leta’s care–Leta is Susie’s mother. I talked to Leta today; she got some therapy and was feeling better. She was uncomfortable last night, and the night nurse took some actions to help Leta feel better.

Leta can be found at The Willows, 3500 Coolidge Road, Room 302A, East Lansing, MI 48823.

It is now getting later, and I can almost hear the ship’s bells. Time to read more. Jutland and Der Tag is coming into the story. Another dream cruise, I suspect, tonight.

I am starting the blog early as I have a ticket to the new movie Godzilla Minus 1 at 9PM. Last night, after I finished the blog, Corwin and Andrew invited me to a beer at the local bar and pool hall, Dr. Feelgood. I had wine, snacks, and canned trout and salmon for Corwin. I used to pick some up when he lived with us, and I still give them to him. I also found a bottle of the Papal Estate wines for under $20 and included it. I must stop by Trader Joe’s soon to get some cheese and crackers and to acquire another bottle.

After one lighter beer, a Hefeweizen, I returned home and soon slept. It was harder to get started today. I rose at 7:45, not my usual last-minute 7:30. So, the morning was rushed, but I made it to my meetings without issues.

I’m afraid it is going to be a boring blog today. I just worked and reheated food for lunch. The skies cleared between storms in the late morning, and the water had mostly drained away. The river, water in ditches, ponds, and the like are higher. My backyard is dry again. We are looking at four inches of water over the week, a lot, but not a manageable amount. If we get more than an inch in a day, we start to see some puddles, and if the next day repeats, the puddles grow, and soon we have some of the usual local flooding. As long as the water flows, we can handle it.

I reheated the Indian-style chicken I made a few days ago. I put that over potatoes, which I put in the microwave instead of making rice. But I did not have the usual potatoes. Instead, I had sweet potatoes- I bought a bag of yellow yams. Oops. Well, the savory chicken with tomatoes and a curry cream sauce on the sweet potatoes was great. The sweet potatoes’ texture seemed to work better, so it seemed great.

I also returned my new coat to UPS. I put it back in the bag, taped up the box, and took it to UPS. I had not removed any tags or anything else. I opened the back, unzipped, and discovered it was too small. I learned at UPS that I needed a QR code and found it after signing on to Amazon (and passing two-factor verification) on my phone. The clerk at UPS scanned the QR for the return, printed the new label, and gave me a receipt on the same label paper. Perfect. I have ordered the next size up, which cost $20 more.

A Christmas present for Z showed up today. I will decorate it for her and then wrap it. Excellent.

Linda, my sister, will supply me with the intelligence on her daughter’s Christmas needs. I will comply.

Heffer Project called and asked me to stop giving on Christmas and give monthly, but I told them that is not what I would be doing. I will buy some Heffer Project animals as gifts to some folks on my list.

I called Leta, Susie’s mother, and Leta said it was Grumpy Old Women’s Day. She has not received the promised therapy for a few days, and she is having swelling in her feet and hands. She did have two visitors and got to walk in the hallway with them. She even visited another friend in The Willow. I will call the administration office tomorrow and politely ask WTF.

On the call, we both talked about missing Susie, and Leta and I both managed to cry on FaceTime. We both missed her so much today. Tears are still easy.

Leta can be found at The Willows, 3500 Coolidge Road, Room 302A, East Lansing, MI 48823.

Work went on until the last meeting at 4:35. The kerfuffle of yesterday (YAK–Yet-Another-Kerfuffle) was still ongoing, and there was some YAK here and there, but I managed to avoid any YAK all day. I approved a design, attended meetings, and helped here and there. I was mainly a tourist.

I made tea and some chocolate mint loaf (my A1C was NOT impressed) as I was getting sleepy.

I read a bit, I am rereading the German account of The Battle of Jutland (1916). I found there is an account that I have not seen before. I found it on Abe.com and even an original version ($129) with maps. So more Jutland books are on their way–excellent.

Aside: If you become curious about this battle that I have studied since I was a kid, the best account in my opinion (and quite readable) is Jutland, 1916: Death in the Grey Wastes. After 100 years, we are finally getting an accurate account of the battle, and this book covers the narrative of the battle aligning sources from both sides that give, I think, the first clear account of the battle from all parts (yes, it took 100 years). Now if you want American accounts, the American Civil War has two great works that I have read on Gettysburg. The Stars in their Courses for the emotion and Gettysburg: The Last Invasion for the true facts and to see how the battle was created. If you need a military history fix, these three books are recommended.

At 5ish, I made a salad for dinner (better for my A1C) with a bit of locally made no-nitrate ham, olives, and sesame sticks. I watched some more videos from The Battleship New Jersey YouTube channel. After indulging in more nautical history, I made tea, got some more chocolate mint loaf (less good for A1C but better for my mood), and wrote the blog. The fairy lights in the mason jars are lighted tonight. We have short gray days, and some of the solar cells cannot power the lights for long (the battery recharges until it is dark), but still, if you look just as it gets dark, it looks nice. In the summer, the bright sun charges them fully, and they last much of the night.

I have 9PM movie tickets, and with the thirty minutes of noise before the movie, I will not be back until late. So, let’s end here, and I will include thoughts on the movie in Tuesday’s blog.

Thank you for reading.

It is another working day at the shoe company as we install and start the huge data conversions for the project. The project plan is now in its fifth week, with another four weeks to go! All the weekends in December and many in January are consumed by the go-live for the project. So this Sunday, I woke at 7:30AM and started my first meeting at 8:05 and then the status meeting at 8:35, which quickly completed (and created more alignment meetings I was not party to with those dreaded words, “We’ll take that off-line”). With the meetings done, I found swedish meatballs, frozen, from IKEA and even the gravy packet. I heated the oven and followed the instructions. And soon had meatballs, IKEA, for breakfast with gravy (I even had the heavy cream today). I did not eat all of them (remembering my A1C), but they were good, with the rest waiting for another lunch or dinner. Meatballs go with NYC bagels (thanks, Joyce and Smiths-Krammers) with liberal coffee (down to my last pack–ordering more).

I wrote the blog as I watched and followed along at work. This makes writing slow, and I did not get the blog out until after 11AM. I finally showered, dressed, and all of that. My left foot, while still sore sometimes, is much improved, and my Zoom Air shoes are working.

While there was yet-another-kerfuffle (YAK) at work, and leadership was unhappy as the issue seemed a repeat, I had no tasks and decided to head out and acquire some groceries. Something I have been ignoring, but running out of toilet paper was a deciding factor. I also called Mom Wild and again wished her a Happy Birthday. She was well and happy to get another call. We agreed it is good to celebrate for more than one day, anyway.

I reached Whole Foods. I like their meats and produce as they last longer and seem better than our nearby Safeway. I had actually written out a shopping list and found everything I needed and some extras. I felt strange not buying flowers for Susie, but I did find a tiny tree for myself. You can no longer accuse me of not having a tree and not having the Christmas spirit. It looks great in Air Volvo! I also got a spicy sandwich at the deli for lunch with a six grams of sugar (a teaspoon) drink (remembering my A1C). I ate most of the sandwich–it was an excellent meaty sandwich, but I will not go that way again.

I headed to Trader Joe’s to discover all those great items I forgot I needed. I filled two bags of the good items. I also found some items for Corwin, I usually pick him up some special items when he lived with us. I still get them. They also had some Papel Estate wine, excellent, for under $20–perfect. I passed on the Medoc for $42, but it was hard not to select it–I am a fan of Medoc. Recommended (a Roman grape that has survived to wonder times).

So, with the cargo hold nearly full of goodies, Air Volvo carried me back to the house. Once there, I unloaded my treasures, put them away, and returned to following along at work. YAK was still bouncing around on email and Slack updates. No new YAK had yet been identified. I read my new games from Avalanche Press. I have a new Jutland and Russo-Japanese War games, their second editions. While I am not sure I would play these, the scenarios and text from Mike Bennighof, Ph.D., are worth the price.

At 4:35 was the new shift status meeting, another Zoom call. I attended and resisted saying much. I did not want to YAK on me! The same YAK was still having issues surprising me. I was able to end my shift, keeping my tourist status.

I made a salad for dinner. I thought Corwin was coming by to pick up his stuff, and I might buy him dinner, but he was delayed. This was better for my A1C anyway.

I watched the waters rise and fall as we had flooding, but the water came and left. The water in my backyard went to four inches before draining away. There is a large puddle still as not all of it can drain.

I baked a chocolate peppermint loaf (not so good for the A1C), did the dishes, and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. I also watched an episode of The Witcher on Netflix. I liked it.

Richard has been texting us fixes to the rules of the game we played, Nucleaum. We are still learning it and made some basic errors that I think made it easier to play. It looks like the game is meaner and more like the board game Brass.

Corwin is drinking at Dr. Feelgood, and I have been invited to join them. It is late now, but if the bar does not close at 9PM, I make it. The loaf is cooling.

Thanks for reading. Sorry if this seems rushed at the end; it is.

 

 

We are in a slow, areal (new word for me) flood, and the waters around the house are rising. The water in the corner of the backyard is three inches deep this Sunday morning; I am writing this blog on Sunday morning. I am working for the shoe company on Sunday and watching the rain from my in-home office. It rained overnight and by the morning, was about 2.25 inches, with more coming. Yes, November is damp in the Greater Portland Area in the Pacific Northwest.

Returning to yesterday, I started on Saturday by waking at 7:30 to be ready for my first meeting at 8:05. I had enough time to make coffee and an NYC bagel (thanks, Joyce and Smiths-Kramers). The sky was blue, and we were drying out from a windstorm and rain that blew hard all night. Most of my trees are now just empty sticks pointing at the clouds.

It is Mom Wild’s (Barb) birthday. I managed to reach here while doing some crafting with my sister and then at dinner. Happy birthday, Mom! — Actually, her birthday is the 3Dec2023. I always am too early as I want the gift to get there.

I also reached Leta, Susie’s mom, who is bored and frustrated in The Willows in East Lansing. Leta is making some progress, but also some setbacks. She was happy to get a call on her cell (these calls connect to her hearing aids), and if you know Leta, please connect with her if you can.

Leta can be found at The Willows, 3500 Coolidge Road, Room 302A, East Lansing, MI 48823.

The morning was following along on email and Slack channels. I have no tasks, so I am primarily a tourist–I cannot change the outcome. I filled in for approvals occasionally, but nothing came up on Saturday.

So, in between steps, I did laundry and dishes and had a pear (thanks, Kathy and Martin) for a snack (remembering my A1C numbers). I showered and dressed and continued to follow the activities of the project by using my Nike laptop and my phone. At noon, I headed to a local Mexican place, Tapatio: Mexican Restaurant, and had a bowl of soup and a small beer (again, remembering my A1C numbers). I then returned in Air Volvo, in light rain, carried me back to the Volvo Cave and my home office. I discovered that Doctor Who special number 2 was released on Disney+, so I watched it.

This new special with the return of David Tennant was a bit more scary and had lots of running. It did feel a bit nostalgic, and the story seemed, at first, very shallow and repetitive, but it was a surprise, and I liked where they went. So good, I think.

Aside: Disney+ has taken over the distribution of Doctor Who in the USA.

I spent the afternoon online following along. I also planted a cedar tree that Susie and I got together and have been waiting in a bucket to plant. It was not looking too good, but I hope it will make it (currently, it is in the puddle that replaced the backyard’s far corner. The rain was light. My new coat did not appear and seems looping between trucks and sort facilities. I could speculate that the coat was pilfered, but I hope it appears soon.

Sadly, I am not sure I will keep the coat. I have to check the fit and whether it is what I want. It is hard to tell from the photos. This is the usual issue with buying clothing on the internet/Amazon. Then, trying to get it delivered adds more challenges.

I forgot that on Thursday, I stopped the leak in the shower handle by using plumbing tape. It is back to a minor drip, which, while not perfect, will do.

I warmed up some India-style chicken I made a few days ago for dinner while the 4:30 Zoom status meeting spun up. This is the end-of-shift meeting. When asked for an update, there was a kerfuffle when our lead answered truthfully we were waiting. This created some consternation, but soon, it was determined that everything was in progress.

I had some time to watch a How-to-Play video on Nucleum, a new board game that Richard has acquired. This one promised to be like Brass but kinder, with all the scoring options that have flooded newer Euro games. In the dark and damp, with the next storm starting (and later causing flooding), Air Volvo headed to Richard’s house in Portland. I was on time and found everyone already there. A three-person game: Richard, Kathleen, and me. I scored last but I was with twenty points of Richard. Kathleen nearly lapped us!

Aside: Players usually like a certain color. Richard is always red, Kathleen is blue, and I am usually yellow.

The game is a non-mean resource management and worker placement game. It also energizes buildings that look much like Brass’s trading system. The most exciting idea is that the track is the tile that lets you do an action. Thus, if you lay track, you have fewer options until you buy them.

Aside: a mean game is one where every move removes options and may interrupt other players’ plans. While mean games are not always welcomed, their play and style are excellent and can be a joy to play once you get used to the constraints. Thus games like mean games Brass and John Company can be quite enjoyable.

I was not completely thrilled with some of the scoring processes, but Kathleen told me you must direct your actions to update your technology track and score. Generally, like Concordia (a simpler game), the points are in building things, especially buildings. I see Kathleen’s point, and we all look forward to another game of Nucleum, a new favorite, and I will push to build. Despite being complex, the gameplay was smooth, and we had only a few dives into the manual.

When we finished, I drove Kathleen home; she is headed to Germany for her holiday and may or may not make the next game. So we made a point of chatting for a while and sharing Christmas wishes.

The flooding had not started, and the puddles were their usual size. I had no trouble on the bridges and reached home without issue in Air Volvo.

I went to bed after taking my meds and a few trisket crackers. You can’t take these meds on an empty stomach without nausea. I managed to sleep through the storm without waking.

Thanks for reading.