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I could not sleep well and was up at 4AM. This happened before the surgery, and it is now a struggle to sleep around 3 and reach some strange point where I just suddenly sleep deeply. I will wake still tired, but the naps and other impact for almost no sleep will be less, but not Tuesday.

I then go on to write the blog, and while, according to Dondrea, my voice is in the writing, there are many botched and wooden word use. My policy is to fix a few mistakes, but it is more important to complete a blog (slightly smudged) than to spend forever trying to get it perfect. Yesterday, I proved the cracks in Artificial Intelligence and Grammarly’s amazing understanding of English; everything wrong was accepted by the basic checks. The product allows me to watch it populate my writing with commas (many I disagree with), find a few missing plurals and a few missing words, and then replace usage from bad habits. Yesterday, I found some issues with the product. Delicious–I am, after all, IT and always happy to see AI once again prove you don’t want to lean on it too much.

While I usually write 800+ words every day that are reasonably written, I always struggle and find it amazing someone like me, a hard-charging retired multi-national corporate warrior (from dread IT), can produce something someone would actually want to read and be contemplating different sentence usage like that vs. which while telling stories about real events instead of writing yet-another-PowerPoint (I hate to YAP) or a three-hundred-page manual. The tools enable me to worry about the usage of a word like enable, for example, instead of wondering if the commas are placed consistently with style guides on the East Coast USA (instead of the far superior Chicago guides–yes, I cast dispersions on my beloved New York Times standards)  Any complaints on a comma can be addressed by a trouble ticket to Grammarly–I just try to get them mostly right and let Grammarly have its way with the rest.

Why am I musing about my struggles and my lack of skill with English, and my leaning on Grammarly to prevent me from sounding like a hick? Mariah has returned to her blog. Her voice is so pure. Her writing is so perfect. Please enjoy her perspective through younger eyes and a newer life, awkwardbroadcast.com, and also know she was the person who said I was not terrible at this and kept me going when it was hard to keep going. We are pushing each other again, as we were before the pandemic, to write and to follow our muse.

Enough musing about muses and delaying the rather uneventful day’s description. But, considering recent events, a few years of boring is welcome! I spent hours writing a messy blog and finally just sighed and pushed publish. Linda is working East Coast hours with a start at 4:30; I made her coffee and almost burned steel-cut oats for breakfast. I find the comfy chair and finally sleep deep and dreamless.

Physical Therapy called (a new organization for me, Adventist Home Health) and offered to start my case this early afternoon. We went back and forth and decided now was a good time, and soon, PT arrived. My vitals are all back to normal.

Aside: I will not use names for medical professionals just position or a single letter so I know who I am writing about.

I have done PT in offices from the chemotherapy impact, but this is my first Home Health for myself. I am familiar with all the requirements and processes. Soon, I was evaluated, and it was determined that I was doing pretty well and improving. PT indicates that if I want to try it, they believe they can help, and I agree. I get a few basic and very safe exercises. Next week we will meet again.

Linda loaded me up in the co-pilot seat in Air Volvo and put the walker in the cargo bay. I use the walker outside, as falling on the carpet inside and possibly ping-ponging on walls and furniture while finding all the sharp points would be bad. Old cement with cracks is no place to be lackadaisical with safety! The first is an ambulance trip, the other means no need for rushing!

We had Mexican food, and I had the special. Thanks to the thrush, I could barely taste anything. I am also challenged to eat more than a few servings (my usual reaction to lots of anesthetics is twenty pounds of weight loss–not a weight loss system I would recommend), but I am still able to drown my sorrows in iced tea (lots of it) and chips and salsa that burns (both from the thrush and because it is hot). Linda wisely stayed with the bean dip and chips (and iced tea). Linda did not like the guacamole as it too was spicy. Should we return soon, we will be careful with our green stuff order.

Prime is not working, and my purchase of the WW2 movie Midway (the new version) was completed (Prime got paid), but there is nothing. I spent some time trying to discover what options for a refund were available. Nothing. You also cannot get any help, a response, or even a chance to say something is wrong. So I went with the last resort, I trashed the movie in its review with a warning that it would not play and sent that into the AI that is Amazon.com and will see if anything in the nearly thoughtless machine will rise to my review (the movie has a nearly perfect rating with 65K reviews). I tried a few times.

I changed focus, and I have diagnosed the issue as related to the new non-commercial free version of Prime. It is trying to play a commercial for me, I believe, but it is not reachable. The movie will not play until you have seen the commercial (thus, various strategies to defeat commercials will prevent the movie from playing, but I believe the mute button would work fine as Amazon has yet to make sound something it overrides). I was offered to buy the movie again and also to buy a no-commercial version for another five bucks a month. I soon found other things to do.

The pandemic world is becoming a memory, and Corwin witnessed this today. The post-holiday traffic in food deliveries was low, so Corwin had nothing to deliver in the afternoon or evening. It seems that folks, for Memorial Week 2024, are at the beach BBQing and enjoying the things we used to do, which does not include day drinking in a lockdown and having food (at a low price back in 2020) being delivered. Prices are also up, and it is far (very much so) cheaper to make than to buy it. Ham/turkey and cheese sandwiches with cheap knock-off soda are the focus of diets this week, with likely a bag of chips from a huge box of various types from Costco. It is summer.

So, let’s go with this to celebrate Summer 2024!

I had cheese and crackers as Linda had rested and just disappeared into a long nap, but she wanted to make lasagna, an American Mid-West version that is good and old school. Linda appeared a bit late and stayed up to cook, but I stayed out of the way. Corwin made Safeway run to get some more items. We had a late dinner (about as late as Michelle and David), but I had a snack, so I was OK. We listened to the YouTube channels of some of the new comedians that rose just before the pandemic, survived COVID-19, and now are making well-received reels on FaceBook and ate and laughed: ISMO, Tom Popa, and Taylor Tomlinson. While a grand adventure, prepared to be surprised by their topics and ability to make you laugh at things that should not be funny. You have been warned!

Linda and then I went to bed. Linda is in the office on a roll-away bed, and I am in my master bedroom, but I always sleep on my side of the bed and leave the other unused. Tonight was not a stumbling, tired finish! I managed to shower, sit, and wash, avoiding the suddenly growing imbalances and the need to stop moving. Better, but not there yet. I managed to sleep, but sleep is a gamble for me. I, like many, have trouble slowing down some thinking, but it is more like I wake in discomfort and have to find a way to fall asleep again. I also just switch off, not sleep. A dreamless darkness that would impress any Lovecraftian writer. I come to be conscious and discover, as my person comes online like a slow booting LINUX box, what has woken me from the darkness, again, keeping with the image, like reading log files from the boot to learn my condition as a LINUX box, and determine a course of action, execute, and return. The pain increases over the night with each restart. Each off is complete and timeless.

I will finally reach enough pain to rise. It is not much, but it is hard to slide back into the dark with it.

Thanks for reading!

I rose multiple times as I am still recovering, and normal has been found. I sleep a few hours, then get up and prove hydration or that the pills that cause the poo to flow without pushing (much) are working. After that, I will need some painkillers as this is about balance and restoring it. Those are eight hours apart, but I don’t want (like I have right now) to have the pain of moving to the surface and being contained in my thinking. Tonight, I was nearly sleepless as the pain came and stayed. Interestingly, the pain is different and seems more about bruises and discomfort; it may be another improvement.

Linda, my sister who is staying and caring for me, checked on me at about 8, as I had gotten up at 4-5 and then crashed for three to four hours. I woke tired and feeling weak, and soon rose and climbed into the comfy chair in the living room with a blanket. Next, I made, it is not that hard, steel-cut oats on the stove top with little of Linda’s help. You measure oats and a pinch of salt, put in a pan with water, heat, and let cook on low for twenty minutes or so. Dondrea was happy to hear I was cooking today, a love we share, and we both love steel-cut oats.

The thrush (I think it is thrush) in my mouth makes eating anything a trial, but I managed half a bowl with the addition of some brown sugar, walnut pieces, and raisins. It is Memorial Day, and Linda is surprised by the military overflights, but there are parades all over, and the military provides a flyover for many. The Pacific War (1941-45) was fought here, and many Americans were surprised by our attention to detail. The thousands of sailors who died in this theater were local sons, husbands, and even wives and daughters. It was a total war here. The torpedoed merchant just off the coastal cities are still commanded by the locals whose ships they were.

Moving away from the sad holiday, I put on Grease—yes, that one (ENJ and JT)—and once again marveled at how good it was and also at how dated some of the dance moves were. Stockard Channing steals the show, as always, while John Travolta makes it all look easy. Today, I am already running out of steam, and it is just soon.

Matt V also comes by to see me. He has no symptoms but wears a mask, as he is fresh from an Alaska Cruise with his wife, Nikki. She managed to work from the ship and also do all the fun things. Matt said it was a sort of perfect trip for them. Matt is retired, but Nikki is enjoying a revitalization of her career and wants to keep working for a while. It pays the bill!

Matt V, after checking with Nikki, will arrange to drive me to Northern California. Natash’s wedding party is near San Jose, Matt’s old stomping grounds, and we have been meaning to travel together, so Matt will make all the arrangements. Originally, I asked Corwin, but let’s go with the two retired guys on the road instead.

I have two roses that need to be planted, and Matt is happy to make a hole and put them in it. He will be back on Tuesday for that, as he will bring his own gloves. Linda and Matt decided where to put them.

Thanks, MattV! Exhaustion soon took over, and Matt left with a plan for the next couple of weeks. Excellent!

Linda served a salad for lunch, and the Caesar dressing burned my mouth some. I ate the cheese anyway and finished the bowl with croutons. I have probably racked up a few hundred calories, and this may be a high for me in a week. Everything burns my nearly empty energy level, so it has been hard to want to eat everything. I want instead to just rest and go slow, very slow.

Aside: Yes, I know. Eat! But it sucks with mouth pain and the energy levels draining away so fast. I try to sleep, but I am beyond that now. Sleep will be about comfort now, and that is hard to find. Yes, another page has turned, but this is get’r’done page and is hard.

Having done a musical, I go for the next Doctor Who episode; Matt seemed to think (we talked about shows to watch) it was at least pretty. It was a dark, terminal story, scary, mysterious, and sad. After watching, Linda had many questions about the Police Box, which I answered but likely left her with little new information. The standalone stories can be some of the best stuff you see on Doctor Who, especially the scary ones, and I thought it was good. An acquired taste, so it is recommended to a connoisseur of Who.

The Moroccan Preserved Lemons and olives (with pits!) were delivered from Amazon. Linda would cook while I would direct. I was failing, but Moroccan dinner was planned, and I was going to get it made, or, well, Linda would. We had three chicken breasts to split, but first, we would slip into American cooking. One green pepper was cut up, and a matching amount of onion and celery was chopped. This was put in my large Dutch Oven and cooked in olive oil on the stove. This is known as the Trinity, but we did not include The Pope (garlic). This is always a good base–we have plenty of flavor. I don’t want browned, but sweated. Two salty lemons were sliced for the meal. Fingerling potatoes were added, as were rough and large cuts of carrots (I love them large and meaty). The lemon followed with handfuls of olives.

Finally, raw chicken was layered and then liberally (how else in my kitchen?) sprinkled with Ras al hanaout, a spice powder from North Africa. I bought some packs in Marrakesh, and while this powder is meant for lamb or beef, I used it on chicken. This went into a 450 Convection Roast oven in The Stove’s second oven.

We then took a bottle of couscous sauce —I have no recipes or even good sources for this—and heated it slowly in a pan. While looking like a red pasta sauce, it is something else and hints at olives, lemons, and other African flavors. This sauce is recommended for grain-like couscous and brighter flavors. That heated slowly and politely for an hour.

Couscous takes no time. We made a lot. I season it with Gram Masala, almond slices, and cardamom. I toast the grain in a hot pan with butter and cook the spices to make them stand out. Once the butter is gone and the grain darkens, just pour on hot water. Done. It will be set in a few minutes. Get some chicken on the cutting board and slice.

Take the couscous and put it in a bowl. Add the carrot, olives, potatoes, and juices from the pot. Cover with the now-cooked but still bright couscous sauce. Top with sliced chicken still brown with the Ras al hanaout. Try not to come back for thirds! Watch out for pits!

Linda loved cooking together and then getting to eat it, too; that was better! It is the first dinner I have finished in a week.

I slipped into old habits today and put on PBS news, and the world angered me again. I listened to many angry people telling me what I should believe. I happen to know that this conflict, let’s call it the Middle East, is a century old, having been created in the mess of the end of World War I. I happen to know that if you bomb and kill long enough, you will destroy your enemy despite claims to the opposite, but you may also plant the next enemy. While some would claim that this is total war (which side doesn’t matter), the civilians are not to be victims of new atrocities; this is agreed to by all outside of the conflict. Thus, I am angered that more civilians were exchanged for, I am sure, the most blood-stained of people. The IDF official who explained the deaths was clear: the price, to them, was worth it. How terrible to be here. I have no answers, just tears, and in my mind’s eye, I look for a way away from this most terrible place the conflict has arrived at.

Aside: My Jewish friends, you are in my thoughts and prayers, too.

Also, on the news, the Democratic polling suggests our candidate (I am a liberal and a Democrat) is old, uninteresting, and not what anyone wants. Yup. The only thing we have in our corner is that their candidate makes ours look good (some of you might disagree). The conflict above, the higher prices, and just grumpiness have Americans relooking at Trump. The election will be a close one, according to folks who sell polls. Buy more.

After being depressed and happy (Americans having doubts about Biden reassures me–yes, I am voting for him, but still), I went to bed early after managing to shower. My shower has a built-in seat, and I use it now as it is safer and leaves me with some energy left. As I wrote at the top, sleep and rest did not come.

Thanks for reading. Please pray for peace!

Dear readers, we knew this would be a difficult surgery and the recovery would be harsh for the first few days or, in this case, the first week. Today, a week out from the surgery, I am just finding the focus and the energy to communicate with you, my dear readers. I am leaning on Grammarly for the wording as it is hard for me to think of the correct word, spell it, and then type it in.

So, the first question is about my recovery; it is about balance. Pain vs painkillers vs nausea vs nausea drugs. The hearing is gone (forever) on my left side, but as my doctors suspect, the hearing was already crushed by the tumor, and while I have to be careful when I move my head, the balance, too, seems to be long lost. So, I skipped the vertigo and loss of hearing. We, Linda, and the nurses at the hospital managed to get the balance in the first few days and to keep it up most of the time. Late at night, the balance was often lost, and it was miserable, but with multiple options, we soon stopped the pain (me, often sleeping off the heavy painkillers and taking an anti-nausea for the hard painkiller). The head still agues and needs more basic painkillers, and thrush (I think) is visiting my mouth. The movement of fat from my belly to my ear (so many jokes!) left a new mark and soreness. I am using a walker to be safe, and I am very attentive to proper procedures and staying in my walker. I am on stool softeners so that I don’t push when using the restroom, and this means the facilities need to be nearby (more jokes about brain pressure from defecation go here).

Exhaustion and healing are the main remaining issues. I am tired and sometimes more exhausted, and then the day is full of difficult choices, making it hard to go on. Every choice is a use of energy that will run out before the day ends. Nights are a change of location and the effort to sleep in my bed. I am not sure if I sleep or just pass out and wake up hours later. I wake tired and force myself to put on my slippers, stand without using my walker to balance and start again.

I am improving, and the hard drugs have been avoided for 24 hours. The pain is moving to the background. While the exhaustion and lack of energy make for a dull day, I am hopeful by the second week, it will be a more long-term recovery, and I can manage again.

While this is a short blog for me, it took an hour. Focus is purchased now. Thanks for reading!

I am not ready to write a story yet, but maybe later today. I am home and safe and trying to manage my pain. The pain in my head is quite tough. The reactions to various drugs and IVs and other insults to my arms are starting to heal.

Thank you all for reading and following along and prayers.

 

Here is the Google Doc that will be maintained while I am in the hospital: Status Document.

Here is a song to remember me: Fly With Me.

And for the future: Some Like It Hot.

I rose at 6:30 and made coffee using all the Columbia coffee (thanks, Kramers). Later, I made NYC bagels for Linda and myself with cream cheese, of course. I finished the blog I had started while traveling. It feels so strange to finally get to these days I have planned for so long.

I dressed for church while Linda set up her office and worked out how to connect her device. I selected a sweater vest, pride tie, and grey-blue button-down shirt for church. Air Volvo had me there early, and I spoke to a few folks. It was easy for me to sing hymns today, and Pastor Ken continued with his discussion about the book of James. He had a bad cold and said the six-year-old himself was running the show today due to the cold. Anything could happen. We went over the second set of introductory verses that talk about the rich and temptation. Again, Pastor Ken said that God and Jesus did not promise an easy life but quite the opposite. In these verses, the rich are described as transient flowers that a hot sun will destroy and that resisting the temptation of the rich is worth merit. It is not about wealth but what one does with what one has to help make the community better. James is telling us to remember who we are and why we are here; we belong to God.

After the service, Pastor Ken led me in a healing prayer, with Dondrea putting her hand on my shoulder. Thank you!

Next, I picked Linda up, who was vacuuming and rearranging the furniture in the living room, to BJs for lunch/dinner. Linda had a ribeye steak, and I had prime rib. We shared a pazookee, which is a large hot baked cookie with ice cream for dessert.

Next, we took Air Volvo to Trader Joe’s to restock some easy frozen meals and get other goodies. My colon problems returned as I had not followed my usual process, and now I rushed to the restroom two times (and again at home) as the contents were unloaded. The cork and champagne problem had returned. I avoid this by just ensuring I use the restroom in the morning and early afternoon. While traveling, I could not do this. I will try to be more disciplined next trip.

I managed to avoid any embarrassment, and we restocked by returning with our goodies to the Volvo Cave. Corwin helped to put away the groceries. Next, Air Volvo left for the hospital. I had to do my imaging and leave the markers on overnight. I made a mistake, and we took a more scenic drive, but we arrived early.

I was tired, and while waiting for my MRI, now dressed in hospital garb, little stickers placed all over my head (to make a 3D map for the surgeon), and an IV in my arm, I nodded off. It was not until after 5PM that I finally got stuck in a tiny space and exposed to loud buzzing for thirty minutes, twice. You have to not panic and think happy thoughts with all the noise and the vibrations. At least the air is cool and fast, making it feel less confined. I keep my eyes shut so as not to panic as I try to imagine larger open spaces. Even with the supplied earplugs, it was terrible. Worse, I only heard the noise on one side. I am completely deaf now on the left side.

Linda and I decided ice cream was in order. We found Salt and Straw not that busy, and soon, I dropped ice cream on my shirt. I drove and ate, and soon we were home. I then stripped the bed and got all that going in The Machine. I need clean PJs and sheets for tonight.

I also saw that my roses are blooming. Here are some shots of the roses in the backyard.

 

 

Sorry, I am so tired. It is 10PM, and now I have no more food or drink. I need to stop. Thanks for reading.