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I was up early, 6AM, and that was more of a summoning than an awakening. Awakening meant I had to leave the world of dreams where I was enjoying the views of some kind of dream city, maybe some dream absinthe, and chatting with some friendly folks, like many of my nights in New Orleans. Sitting at a friendly dream Vampire bar, I felt the pull and the noise, my alarm, a summoning spell back to Beaverton, Oregon now. The translation to our world was rough.

I managed to find my slippers and robe and find the kitchen. It still has not moved, but I am always ready for it to be somewhere else on these reality-exchanging mornings. Coffee was made, liberal style and a banana was the sole breakfast product for this morning. I started to align back to Beaverton.

The first work Zoom call, the 6:30 team meeting, was emotional, and the many names of employees who exited were shared and discussed. The team is distressed. Rajani, borrowing from our boss Brad, shared the emotional chart on grieving that was new to many of our teammates. It is always strange how these old ideas still fit and help. The “dip” in productivity is described. Many thought they were on the other side of the curve, but my experience is that true pain is to come as we try to deal with the consequences of the loss, and we will be on the loss side of the “dip” for six months. It is a year’s journey, I have found. While my grief for my wife, Susie, passing is less sharp, I feel I am still not at the bottom of the curve yet. I am just beginning to understand this is my new life without Susie. I expect the changes at work will take at least six months to absorb.

After that meeting, my next meeting was later, and I read and followed along. Fridays are often not very busy, and today’s was not busy at all. My boss, Brad, took the rest of the day and the weekend off. A good plan. I stayed online and read and followed emails and Slack updates.

Next, we had the weekly SAP Software Architect meeting. We covered the layoff and the new direction of distributing expertise instead of centralizing. The computer architecture teams were hit hard by the layoffs, and we were surprised to lose more long-term friends. These were experts.

We also covered the challenges of various automation solutions. Ironically, we often buy software to automate our software. As you can imagine, this creates very difficult stresses on software development and maintenance that are hard to mitigate. Some of these issues we have been dealing with for years. We will try to work through the issues and produce the best we can while ensuring the risks are understood. I am aligned to action and providing solutions as a Nike IT person.

Lunch was another sandwich, and Mariah suggested dinner, but later, she discovered she had some family things to do and begged off. I made a cold salami sandwich with cheese with a side of pickles. My CPA in Hillsboro called to say that my taxes were ready. So I took Air Volvo there.

I found parking on Main Street, walked over, and got my papers. There was a wait as it is tax season. When it was my turn, I paid my bill and looked at the forms. My refund is an insane amount of money. The US and Oregon government return tax paid on about 80% of the money you spend on medical expenses. This then means I can also deduct taxes and donations even with the SALR (State and Local Tax) limit set by President Trump’s tax changes (costing me this year about $2,000 from my refund–I calculate it every year). I credit Mr. Trump with following his pledge to raise taxes in liberal states. Maybe you don’t remember that pledge, but yes, he did it. So, for me, the $86,000 in medical bills last year returns much of the taxes paid on the money. Also, it is not well known outside of Oregon that Oregon budgets income and refunds any excess taxes as a “kicker.” The two-year budget, Oregon has a two-year budget and has record tax collection, so we get a nice payment from the state. I signed the forms as the surviving spouse. The refunds will appear in a few weeks in my checking account.

On the way to Air Volvo, I passed some Jehovah’s Witnesses on the corner. I thanked them for their work and shared that “I was giving up to Ceasar. What is Ceasar’s,” waving my papers at them. They laughed and said they, too, would soon be doing that. They were happy to be recognized and that we could laugh together.

I moved Air Volvo close to the local gaming store, Rune and Bone, and the owner was in and was happy to see me. I have not been in for a while but always buy something, and we discuss games. Today, I talked about many of the board games I have been playing, most at Richard’s. I was invited to bring my copies of monster games like Lisboa and The John Company (2nd Edition) and teach them Concordia and other favorites. Maybe Evan and I have to meet there one of these Saturdays. I bought a rule book for a new figure-based game like Frostgave but with a setting in 1800s figures instead of fantasy with gothic monsters out of a movie (undead, demons, devils, and like). Napoleon meets Dracula’s story but with miniature-based wargame-like rules and figures. Tempting.

The Napoleon vs. undead game is something that Cory would love. I miss him when I think about playing these games because I always think about playing them with him. Cory passed away, if you dear readers remember, within days of Susie.

I returned in Air Volvo to my home. There, I finished my quiet day with another change control meeting. I made dinner of sweet Italian sausage meat browned, mixed in a pasta sauce from a jar, and cooked some pasta from a box. More of an assembly process than cooking. It was good, and I had a few bowls. I watched the 1967 Avengers with Mrs. Peele while cooking and eating. I watched a random color episode. The storylines are awful, but the acting and jokes are run.

I finished the laundry, did the dishes, and read more Analog stories.

I put away all the paperwork listening to show tunes on YouTube. Punching holes and putting away the last couple of months. I also covered the papers I found that go back almost a year. I have put a pin in 2023. While not as exciting as other tasks, I am so happy to have it all done. It is one of the things to bring closure.

I liked this video that I found today and wanted to share it: When I am gone.

Thanks for reading.

I woke at 7 and rolled over a few times. I first checked that I did not have a meeting with leadership and HR. No meeting. No layoff for me. All morning, we all were constantly checked for meetings that herald your layoff. Three managers were let go in our group this morning, two I have known for years and friends. My boss, Brad, called a meeting in the later morning to let us know about the four people let go from our group and to tell us that it was over. We were the survivors. The reasons are unclear for those folks that were laid off.

It was a terrible day, and everyone was stressed and emotional. We are also getting some information on the re-org part of the mess. It feels like they are just making it up as we go. I will not be critical of the folks trying to make this work, as they don’t deserve that. Layoffs are awful.

I looked forward to lunch. I made a roast beef sandwich. I heated the meat in the microwave. I spread Thousand Island dressing on the bread. I carefully packed coleslaw on the now-protected bread. I stacked the beef on the other slice and added a few slices of cold-sliced cheddar cheese. I carefully placed the cheese and beef side of the sandwich on top of the coleslaw. I cut the sandwich with a large sharp knife. It was a wonderful sandwich.

I did more meetings, including some that were dominated by talk about the layoffs.

Corwin was ready after 1PM, and I let him pilot Air Volvo to warm up, his words, across Beaverton. He hit the curb with the back wheel a few times. He pulled out in front cars when making a left turn. It was surprisingly both terrifying and lucky–no damage and Beaverton’s Finest was elsewhere. We finally found the place, and Corwin parked.

I read Analog: Science Fiction & Fact magazine, March/April issue, a new favorite, and I have a two-year subscription (printed) now. I am amazed at how good the editorials and stories are. I finished the Novelette Enough while waiting for Corwin. I could not stop reading. It was excellent. I will look at it again to see how the narrative was structured–so good! I am reading A Long Journey Into Light, which is also excellent.

Corwin passed his driving test. I piloted now and took Air Volvo to the DMV so Corwin could turn in his passing papers for a license. The DMV was busy, so I got quite far in my reading SciFi. Corwin had a paper that was not a license. He failed the vision test. Corwin needs glasses, and this likely explains the trouble he has had concentrating and reading. We tried to find a drop-in place, but Corwin now has an appointment on Monday. I will cover that unexpected cost to get Corwin on the road ($99 for the exam and then the glasses); it is my honor to help change Corwin’s life by enabling him to find more work in food delivery and other like work.

Off to Shack Shack to celebrate, and Corwin gets an excellent custard shake, a double burger, and spicy fries. I had my usual single avocado and bacon burger with fries and a Diet Coke. I did the 4PM check-in meeting, which was a sharing session with our boss Brad, who called it a BYOB and was drinking a beer, while Air Volvo returned us to the Volvo Cave. We all were relieved that the layoffs were over now for us.

I laid down briefly and woke 15 minutes late for our stand-up meeting. I did my last meeting and then rushed out of the house after buying tickets for the movie Wonka. Joan S and I planned to do Jewish Christmas by watching a movie on Christmas Day, but the theaters were packed. We finally got to do that today. Wonka was a wonderful musical that fit a previous age except the sound and special effects are better. There were many hints to the 1970s Gene Wilder movie and Anne. I was laughing with Joan for much of the movie. It was delightful. Hugh Grant, who reportedly hated the role as an oopa lompa, does a perfect grumpy and intense one. Must see.

Joan and I headed our ways after a light hug, and I was soon here at the Volvo Cave writing this blog. I remembered to put out the trash for Friday.

Going backward, we played the board game Scythe again while the choir and the band practiced. Our last play was with three players, adding Andrew the the game of Z and myself. We started first by playing with Sean, who could play for about twenty minutes, and then reset for Andrew when Sean started to practice with the church band. Z and I don’t mind playing a partial game.  Z was leaning as we played, and the additional restarts were helping Z understand which moves were better. In the last iteration, we almost finished a whole game, with me placing five stars of the six needed to end the game. We ran the final game scoring, and I won far ahead of Z, who was far ahead of Andrew.

Z and I did play a whole to two-person game starting at 6:30. Z is blue, the Norse faction which spreads out fast and can use lakes, and is recorded as the most-winning faction. I am black, Saxony, the more aggressive faction, and on the opposite side of the board. Z played better in this game and won a few stars before I accelerated placing stars and ended the game. The game has a tendency to end abruptly; your plans are never quite finished.

Scythe is a 4X game and thus has a strong competitive feel. Combat, while existing in the game, is simple and does not eliminate units but drives them back to their home base. The game is about efficiency and flexibly reacting to changes and events on the game board, mostly caused by other player’s actions.

Scythe was released in 2016 on a huge Kickstarter and was one of my first crowd-funded games (the others were Bloodrage and Vindication–I got lucky to first do some excellent games). It was a huge success, and add-ons and a campaign game were to follow. I have also upgraded the components and painted the figures and mechs. Actually, I have painted three sets of figures and traded them for unpainted sets. I bought a spare set of plastic pieces that I paint and trade including the campaign pieces. My friends Richard and Cody now have painted figures for their copy of the game. Richard has the campaign figures painted, too. Richard hosted my first and only completed campaign game.

Before the games at First United Methodist in Beaverton during choir practice, I was making dinner. I defrosted and then grilled three pounds of chicken thighs. I used sea salt, freshly ground pepper, and Middle Eastern seasoning on the chicken. I heat couscous sauce from a jar, Tibar. I cook couscous by cooking about a teaspoon of gram masala with almond slices and dried cranberries in butter. I then toast the couscous grain in this until the butter is all absorbed and the hot grain is browning. I remove it from the heat, add boiling hot water, and cover. Easy! To assemble, put the couscous in the bottom of a bowl, pour some sauce over it, put some chicken on top, and splash with just a bit of the sauce.

Dinner was great, and I broke my calorie count for the day with a second bowl. So good.

The rest of the day was less memorable as it was about work and not getting let go. My boss held a 4PM BYOB Zoom meeting to hang out and share for a bit. There is no formal information, and we speculated that tomorrow, they may move on to our level or not. The process seems to be top-down.

I started at 7 and did the usual meetings, read designs, and approved fixes for production. I followed along all day, waiting for the shoe to drop, but nothing. Just fixes and designs. I did read some code and made a few suggestions for more documentation in the code.

So, I think I will stop there and see what Thursday brings. I am also tired tonight.

Susie’s daffodil is open! I planted one for her to see every spring.

Thanks for reading!

Today is the 68th day since I learned I have a brain tumor. It is benign and slow-growing but must be removed before it becomes a threat. Surgery, quite intense, will be on 20 May 2024.

Susie’s service is on 23 March 2024, at 4 PM, at First United Methodist Church in Beaverton.

Susie’s Michigan service is on 18 May 2024 at Grace United Methodist Church, Lansing, at 2PM.

Today, I learned a good friend’s story with Nike ended, as did for the leader of our department. I am sure other friends and important people in my work days are gone. I would not presume to tell their story here, but I will grieve with them. More grief.

I found myself stressed a bit by the layoffs and reading the news. I am overeating. My calory count is over 2,000 today, I am sure. I will try to do those things that help. Reading, Writing. Cooking. Gaming. Hmmm, none of that loses weight. Maybe walking, too.

The day started at 7ish, and I rolled over to 7:30 but finally rose and put on my slippers and robe. I made liberal Equal Exchange coffee this morning. I had cooked steel-cut oats for oatmeal yesterday and used the microwave to reheat the leftovers. I add some brown sugar, walnut pieces, and dried cranberries to this. Excellent. I also had a banana. My potassium is low, so I keep eating them.

My first meeting is with Europe folks and Michael G online from the hospital. His daughter is ill. We talk about the project and layoffs. I have a few more meetings, and poof, it is time for lunch. Time runs away for me today.

I find the sliced roast beef for a sandwich. I add sliced cheddar. All this I heat in a non-stick pan with butter. I cover the pan and add water. The water becomes hot steam, which cooks the meat and cheese in the sandwich. The trick is to not soak the bread. This makes a beautiful sandwich; Susie loved it when I would make her a sandwich. I always miss her when I make a sandwich and think I should be making two.

It is a decadent sandwich with coleslaw and a pickle on the side. I started rewatching the now-aging show House, Season 6, one of my favorite years while cooking and eating my sandwich. It is so good.

I returned to work and did a few more meetings. My boss, Brad, called a meeting, and he said in the meeting invite, “It is not one of those kinds of meetings.” That made me laugh. He covered the exit of our department head and other changes. Folks are shell-shocked as many have never done this before at an American company and certainly not at Nike. Brad, Rajani, and I tried to reassure people, and they looked and sounded on the Zoom call somewhat better at the finish.

I cooked a new recipe from The New York Times, Cheesy baked pasta and sausage. I used hot and spicy Italian-style sausage and reduced the salt a bit, but other than that, I followed the recipe. I made mock Ricotta cheese as I forgot to get it (mix sour cream and cottage cheese). Corwin said it was good, and this finished ruining my calorie count, especially the second bowl. Excellent.

I also read a piece on Justice AAlito’sattack on gay marriage and that called for a bowl of potato chips. I will avoid reading politics for a while! I can’t afford the frustration and the calories!

I read and rested. Next, I headed out into the dark and rain to the strip mall. I bought some supplies at Michael’s as part of Z’s birthday gift. More on that later. I will be missing gaming on Saturday night to head over to ZZ’sto to get her gift for her 13th birthday. Yay!

I then sat down at Barnes & Noble to write and found a few magazines I always read: Analog, Fine Scale Modeler, and UK-based Practical Electronics. I skipped the taphouses as I could not afford the calories. Beer will wait until after surgery. I can hear the call of baked goods, but I can resist them. I can.

Thanks for reading.

Here is my Lental Rose returning.

Here is Susie’s daffodil.

 

Some days are forgettable, and most of Monday was, except for dinner. I rose with my alarm and just was not ready to start. I rolled over and did not summon the strength to find my robe and slippers and wear them until 7:30. It was a work-from-home week. The shoe company sent all the WHQ IT people to work from home for this layoff-filled week. It was a quiet work day, with me approving a few items and reading many. I also did a meeting on replacing one of the ancient computer systems and helped connect folks.

I was cleaned up and dressed in the morning around 10ish, and I headed out for a few chores. My suits needed to be cleaned from the spilled drinks and smells of vampire haunts in New Orleans. I also had my flashy vests cleaned too. So I drove to Beaverton proper to the cleaners, dropped the clothing off, and will pick it up on Friday. I spent the rest of the morning buying groceries at Safeway and putting them away. I bought a roasted chicken for lunch. I had that with cole slaw and some dill pickles.

I stripped the bed and washed the covering, sheets, and towels. I also washed the dress shirts I forgot about from the trip to New Orleans.

As I said, it was an unmemorable day of the usual tasks. I contacted Dondrea and texted to ask if she and Z wanted dinner. It went back and forth, but they decided to have dinner with me–a lot was going on. I selected the food cart park in Beaverton to allow more choices.

We met there; I, being early, sat outside and wrote for a while. It was cold and freezing in the fifteen minutes I waited. I forgot my hat today (?!), so I was extra cold. Dondrea was dreaming of gumbo, but that store was closed on President’sPresident’she ramen place was open. We each had a bowl. Dondrea went for spicy, Z for medium, and I was told to take regular (funny!). We found a place inside to sit, out of the wind and the sprinkles. We chatted and enjoyed excellent broth and perfect noodles.

And that is about all. Thanks for reading.

Susie’s service is on 23 March 2024, at 4 PM, at First United Methodist Church in Beaverton.

Susie’s Michigan service is on 18 May 2024 at Grace United Methodist Church, Lansing, at 2PM.