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Today started with Leta having an issue with her swollen hand and iPhone. Instead of scrolling past my number, she tapped it (something we all have done) and called me at her time at 8AM. I woke at 5AM and saw that it was Leta. It was not someone wanting to sell me a warranty for my car or explain the Medicare plans they offer, but instead, it was Leta. I suspected she would apologize as it was an accident (if it had been Barb, her daughter, that early, I would have panicked). Leta was sorry to wake me, but I was happy she was using her phone. She was up at 8AM and feeling well enough to accidently call me. A good day. We both remembered Susie’s birthday, the 61st and had wet eyes as we talked. Soon, Leta rang off with more apologies, and I rolled over.

My alarm nearly launched me out of my bed. I had fallen asleep without remembering falling asleep, and my alarm brought me roughly back from Morpheus’s Realm. I was going to roll over and take another thirty minutes, but I suspected I would be busy; instead, I reached for my slippers and began my day. It was still dark. I found the kitchen and saw that the bread had risen (it was having an easier time than me), and after my first Zoom meetings, I would have to finish it. It was a work-from-home day. Nike will end work-from-home on Mondays starting 8 Jan 2024, as the direction is for everyone to work from the office four days a week. And while that may sound annoying, Nike shuts down in the summer for one week in August (with those who cannot do that getting a free week at a different time) worldwide, and the dates are already announced to help everyone plan their brake. This is given without reducing our Paid Time Off (PTO), which is unheard of in American companies.

I found a bagel (thanks, Smiths+Krammers and Joyce) and a banana with NYC Zabar coffee (thanks, Smiths+Krammers). Toasted and covered with cream cheese, the bagel and other items joined me in the office to start my day. Already, I was being looked for. I reviewed another last-minute fix for the software installation next month. More followed, and my colleagues and I were busy reviewing items and attending Zoom calls on status and process.

I slipped to the kitchen, pulled out the dough, pushed it around, and wrapped it. Fifteen minutes later, I set it on towels for the final rise. Now a bit floured and cornmeal-covered, I headed to the shower. I dressed and returned to more crises of the moment remotely on my Nike-owned and managed laptop. It sends a note often that something has recorded the laptop’s location–excellent. I also called Leta (but I forgot to call Grace UMC about Susie’s party optimistically planned on 18 May 2024 in Michigan), and we talked about how she is feeling and plans for her to move to a physical therapy facility. I had to suddenly ring off as another approval was pending for me. After I finished that task and with the boards clear for a moment, I headed to the kitchen.

Previously, I heated the oven with the smaller 5.5-quart Dutch oven inside. I pulled out the hot pan and popped the risen dough into the hot cast pot. Time to bake bread. I had put more salt than I wanted into the bread and was worried. An hour later, with the lid off after the first thirty minutes, the bread was done and crunchy. While I could taste the extra salt, the bread was still good. Next time, I will be more careful.

I reheated the pasta and chicken breast I made two days ago in the microwave. I could have saved 1/2 for another day, but I reheated all of it. Again, I will be more conservative next time. It was good. I watched some more videos while eating. Ocean Liner Designs is an excellent YouTube channel about everything about ocean liners, focusing on those that sank and famous ones (often the same thing). An hour-long show on HMHS Britannic, which was lost in 1916, was fascinating. I remember when the first information started being found about the nearly forgotten liner, the largest sunken ocean liner wreck ever. I remember reading somewhere that divers described it as one of the best dives, as the decompression is done in clear, warm waters over the wreck. You get to float above the wreck–the light reaches it in the clear water–as you slowly decompress and study it the whole time.

After that, most of my meetings were canceled for the holiday week–thus, the panicked morning to get things approved and moved. It was quiet. I tried some bread; it was slightly salty, as I said, but it was still excellent.

I rested a bit as I was tired from the disturbed sleep, and I must admit that between meetings, I was crying and, at one point, just sobbing with my head in my hands. It is a sad day, and I miss my wife. As a distraction, I read some excellent writing from Lyndsay Faye, who has taken up writing Sherlock Holmes stories and produced The Art of Detection: Lost Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes. I laughed at some of the inside jokes and the antics of Holmes retold by Watson, of course. The copyrights have been released, and all Sherlock stories are now in the public domain. Faye was writing in 2017 before the whole canon moved to the public domain, and she kept to the 1897 stories, which were in the public domain then. So far, I enjoyed it, and it helped me laugh today. Recommended.

I have a newly annotated early version (and cheaper) of the canon Sherlock Holmes as I want to try to write a story with Holmes and Watson. I need to read more of the stories and then try to adapt Watson’s narration style. I have read many other versions of Holmes, with Holmes and Watson vs. Cthulhu and Holmes studying in India and Tibet being some favorites. I want to write a story; maybe Holmes and Watson had a hush-hush adventure in New Orleans. More to come.

Work went on with me reading and checking in. A quiet day. I called Sedgwick today, and they said two days were approved but not the third day. They had no reason why the third day of family leave was not authorized (the day Susie passed). They will get back to me. I will contact HR and ask, once we resolve this remaining issue (putting aside why they told me a different story when they called me last time), to return the missing days of PTO. Endless is the paperwork of death.

I still have not heard back from Susie’s IRA. I sent in the forms. I will have to call them soon.

I sent a note to Grace UMC but have not heard from them. I forgot to call them while they were open. Their office closes at 1PM EST (three hours’ time difference).

I sent a rosemary tree with a star and lights to the hummingbird house from Jackson and Perkins. Rosemary was the herb for memory, according to the ancient Greeks. It is a gift to remember Susie and to help folks to remember.

I got some address corrections for the Fruit Cakes I send out soon.

I lighted a candle for Susie today. I use the whiskey-scented candle. Susie would like that.

Mariah texted me, millennials don’t call you, about dinner at BJ’s. We met at 7ish. Eric was there–our usual waiter and we all remembered one of Susie’s last birthdays outside of hospitals and facilities was there. Mariah ordered wine and my favorite red beer, but we almost ordered a Southern Comfort Manhattan with two cherries on the rocks, Susie’s drink. We both had the two-bone porkchop with the sweat sauce and veggies. I had a baked potato with butter and sour cream and a salad.

I am planning a trip to San Antonio on 19 Jan 2024 (in pencil) and then drive to New Orleans. Cheap flights are less than $500, and First Class is nearly $1600. I need to add a rental car (often the most expensive item) and pick a hotel downtown in New Orleans. I will revisit Zorida for the weekend and then head out. Once ensconced in a nice hotel in New Orleans, I plan to write and see the scary sites and maybe find that vampire bar I have heard about–you need a password. Exciting!

I will not be your host, but dear reader, if you want to overlap that week in New Orleans and meet me for beignets or something else, you are welcome. Mariah might come for a long weekend, and my sister Linda might be there too. But it is still in pencil, for now. It is not an invitation to my vacation, but if you want to overlap me and hook up a few times, you are welcome.

After dinner (we both missing Susie in the third seat for dinner), we headed our separate ways. Air Volvo, it now raining, got me home without incident, and then I started to write.

Thanks for reading.

Today started at 6AM, too early, and I started the blog early. Saturday’s blog is always long, 1,600+ words this time. So I started up and made coffee and drank too much of it. I was bouncing around after that— I need to stick to two cups!

I had yogurt, banana, and NYC coffee (thanks, Smiths+Krammers) for breakfast in the home office while I wrote and wrote some more. I watched the sunrise and remembered my father’s words a few years before he died, “There are so many sunrises left for me; I get up for them now.” I am not ready to get up every morning to see the sunrise, but I will someday.

The weather is wonky again. We are back to being in Northern California instead of the Pacific Northwest–the rains stopped in November (which seldom happens), and we had a partially cloudy day with sun breaks. The streets dried out! We have dry leaves in the street–oh my!

I finished the blog just in time to get ready for church. I showered, shaved, and so on to be prepared to dress. My gray suit today with a ruby vest and a Mandelbrot tie. I added the pocket watch and chain that so impressed everyone–it is cheap but looks the part. Black plain leather shoes and a black homburg hat finish the look.

I arrived a few minutes before service in Air Volvo, amazed to be driving on dry streets. Church, First United Methodist Church of Beaverton, was the usual service, and I, not thinking, got even more coffee. I sat in my familiar space, missing Susie next to me. Jean and Orville Nilsen, also gone ahead, are gone and used to sit behind us. I can almost hear the cloud of witnesses when I sit down to say good morning, and though we went ahead of you, we are happy to see you here today with us. My voice cracks unexpectedly on a few hymns as the words bring Susie’s passing back into focus. But, I manage only wet eyes.

Today, I noticed that the Pride Flag on our church that I replace often looks faded and worn. That has never happened before. Someone usually takes them by now. How nice that we might have to retire our first Pride Flag. I called out in our joys and concern at this moment.

Pastor Ken did an unusual, he said experimental sermon. He stated that he believes God created the Sabbath and sleep as gifts. God, the one shared by Jews, Christians, and Muslims, had set aside one day out of seven to rest and also created sleep to give us a release. We need to respect the Sabbath, but we need to accept sleep too. It is too easy to not respect that we need to sleep to be our best selves and to connect to the vision God has for us. That faith and rest allow us to lose the fear and night terrors brought by the arrows of the day. Pastor Ken was clear that he is not asking us to do yet-another-thing–actively manage sleep and rest–but to find what we already know, we need the rest that God created for us.

After church, I had, yes, more coffee, but I avoided the cookies, at least. Christmas cookies! Next, Air Volvo took me to Sherry’s and had lunch with the Rev. Anne and Dr.Rev. Wayne Weld-Martin. We had a pleasant lunch, and I ordered a too-large club sandwich. It mainly was bread with bacon somewhere with a hint of generic deli turkey and lettuce, but it was still strangely appealing. We did a little Thanksgiving planning as I am joining them for dinner on Thursday at 4PM.

We headed out, and Anne noted my tie, Mandelbrot, and asked me about it. The tie is a simple creation of the basic algorithm described by Mandelbrot that became popular when I was in college but decorated with colors for various values. The algorithm is repeated with the results from the previous and included in the next iteration, including imaginary numbers. The effect is a strange pattern produced by the imaginary numbers and repeating process. It has, I am now just remembering, no predictable pattern and is called Fractal. The same technique is used to create sort of random items, like tree branches, for computer graphics. Fractals are marvelous shortcuts for generating graphical backgrounds that look natural.

I said goodbye to the Weld-Martins until Thursday. Air Volvo got me home, and I returned to more ordinary clothing, read, and fell dead asleep for part of the afternoon. I managed to get started again and put away just a few items in the garage just to say I got something started.

My fairy lights started today. I had hung more of them yesterday. They looked lovely.

I reheated the Indian-style chicken I made a few days ago. I heated one piece of naan (flat bread) to go with it. I started rewatching the Sherlock episodes from the BBC show; I forgot how good the show was. I have all the seasons on my Apple. I watched while making my dinner and eating. I also made bread dough to rise, the no-knead loaf I like, and will finish it about lunchtime on Monday. This is the NYT recipe. I add more salt and a cup of grains to give it a more earthy taste–a mix from King Arthur Flour. This time I also added more water as the flour seemed to drink more water (I keep my bread flour in the frig to stop the ants from finding it).

Once I had the bread started (18 hours to rise), I finished dinner, put off finishing the Sherlock episode for another day, and returned to my office to write this blog.

For those wondering, I have Thanksgiving at 4PM with Anne and Wayne, as I said, and then a 6AM flight to San Diego, arrive there before 9AM, a room for two days at the US Grant Hotel, and will be back on Sunday morning on the 7AM flight back to Portland. All my flights are First Class (I finally burned some miles–seat 2A) and direct. I have Dungeons and Dragons at M@’s at 5:30 that same Sunday. I might fit going to church in there.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

I was up at 1:30 in the morning writing the Friday blog. I was still unhappy about the work issue, woke up, and could not sleep, so I got up and wrote the blog, and by 3AM, I was sleepy again. I was up before 8AM and was stuffed up, and I found my inhaler for asthma and soon felt better.

I started slowly dragging a little and breakfasted an NYC bagel (thank you, Smiths+Kramers and Joyce) with a banana and a cup of Zabar’s blend from NYC (thanks, Smiths+Kramers). I had cream cheese from my grocery shopping. I started washing my sheets and hung up the laundry from yesterday. I also put away clean dishes from the dishwasher and reloaded it with the few dirty dishes from the past few days. While all mundane tasks, their completion made me feel better and started to feel better–more awake.

I started back on my task for the morning. I continued clearing Susie’s paper blog on ice skating judging. I must have recycled 50 pounds of paper, including copies of the judging manuals, going back almost ten years. I found items on Susie’s skating that I retained. I returned all this to a chest we bought in our first weeks in the new house from Pier One housewares store (now gone). I also cleared a box that has been around the house for years. Back in 2012, before Susie’s depression and memory issues began, Susie paid all the bills, did all the laundry, and even worked a job selling fine women’s clothing. To my surprise, the box contained these records. I was able to recycle most of it. I will have to destroy some as they have current account numbers. I carried out various items that should not be in the dining room to the garage (a project in the future), and for the first time in a long while, the room was ready to be used again.

I dragged the Pier One chest from the wall (it came with a metal frame that holds it up off the ground and makes it easier to use), pulled out the chess table, and put it in the center of the room. I dusted off the chess table, retrieved my chess machine and its shiny wooden board, and set up the chess set. I had lost a vital cable! I found it on the table where I last played chess on the machines. Instead of using the King computer for my Millennium Exclusive Chess Computer – Emanuel Lasker Edition chess set (to celebrate the 150th birthday of the German campaign) or the Link, I could attach the new computer to the existing board and pieces. Holding my breath, it all worked together. The new computer is modern and uses a Raspberry Pi single-board computer, the more recent, faster version.

I had to play, and while I expected to be stomped, I had to know if everything worked and how it played. It played with three seconds of thinking time (default settings) and reminded me of flawless human play, unlike my old King. Excellent. I played against the Shredder 13.5 engine (I don’t know what that means), but my old nemesis, Stockfish, is also available. I am pleased with my insanely expensive chess set.

Aside: Modern chess has explored the opening and created the concept of a Line, a set of correct play, the Main Line. These are published in books that are inches thick with dense type. I have an older copy that does not have the typos of the newer versions (yes, you need the right edition–sort of reminds you of magic tombs). The new computer programs use this information to open and react to an opening. The computer has also been programmed with many insights discovered by exhaustive artificial intelligence (AI) chess studies. The machines are telling humans how to program machines. The results are incredible insightful play from the computers. Stockfish is one of the chess engines created from the fusion of human programming and AI insights. It is nearly impossible to beat.

I took another pasta jar, ran through the dishwasher, scrubbed off the wet labels, dried it, and added a hanging loop and a new lid containing fairy lights, a solar panel, and a battery. I also found my hanging hooks in the garage and used these to hang the new fairy light mason jar and two others I had made recently on the deck’s roofing beams (part of the deck is covered, so you can enjoy the rain without getting wet). Every early night, the deck is now lighted by jars of fairy lights. I love the look.

Satisfied I had done the right thing by buying a new tech level, I showered to remove the dust covering me and was ready to start my day out of the house. Evan dropped by while I was playing with the chess computer. I was trying other features. I have not had time to read the manual. Evan, who had apparently never seen the chess set before, got to see how it played–I backed off the checkmate and reran the ending for him.

We headed for Sushi Zen in the nearby strip mall and enjoyed the track Sushi for lunch. Evan ate his fast and was waiting for me. I find sushi exotic and eat it slowly. I never grew up with it, and I had it the first time at a work lunch in 1997 while working for Nike as an AS/400 Synon programmer. Sushi is something I continue to learn and explore.

I like to wait for my food to come to me in track places. I have one plate at a time unless a favorite appears. I let the smoked eel go to the gals beside me, who only had a few plates. The smoked eel is a good choice if you only have a few. The braver gal loved it, but the other would not eat a “snake.” I thought they both were right. I had green tea with sushi and enjoyed the experience. There was no more eel, so I had octopus proving again that we should let them live–fish-flavored rubber bands.

Finally, I paid the bill, and we headed to The 649. Natallia was bartending, and I had a beer and set up the Concordia, my favorite board game. Evan had a drink. We played a new board; I have plenty of Concordia boards, and we used the alternative wine and cloth mix card purchasing board. Evan started off strange but then flew through the game, impressing me with his knowledge of the game and its mechanics, and soon was ahead in building trading posts. I focused on getting colonists out. Evan bought many cards as he mixed his trading posts with cloth and wine, thus aligning with the alternative card purchasing board. Evan won by over twenty points by ending the game by building the last trading post before I could catch him. My colonist strategy was not enough to slide past him. I also bought specialist and Mars cards, but that was not enough. Evan had purchased the more usual cards, but they multiplied his count of cities and providence, which pushed his score way up, my usual plan.

I had another smaller-sized beer, and we reset Concordia with another smaller board (best for two players). I found my strategy needed to change on the small board and instead build wine trading posts (I prefer food and metal as they fit my usual colonist strategy). I covered the board with trading posts and did get all mine out. Evan got seven points for building his last trading post, but I got to play one turn and got all mine out, too. I had bought the more mundane cards, and on the small board, I had managed to spread out, and this was enough to win by about fifteen points.

I was coughing and suddenly unwell. I paid the bill and left Evan, finishing dinner. I got home and took my inhaler, and soon everything was fine again. I drove in the dark; after the time change, it was getting dark at 4PM. Traffic, for a Saturday, was stop and go, and I was a few minutes late after an hour’s drive that was twenty minutes before. There was some local flooding as the puddles were deep, and water flew up on the highway when folks hit them. I reached Richard’s without incident.

Shawn, Richard, and I played Voidfall, which I have described before. The board game was set up ahead of time by Richard (to save time), and I had a new faction with Dreadnoughts that looked much like the bad guys in various SciFi and Marvel movies. Strangely, I found myself less militant than my fellow players–something I have done in the last two games. I lost again, last place, but my best score so far–I keep increasing. I still like the game, but the wait between turns for the other players to find the perfect play is hard. I could play chess on my phone and Voidfall at the same time. I will try to attack more and get more agenda cards to knock my score into the two-hundreds next time. Instead of being bored, I watched the other plays and tried to guess what was happening. So, it’s all good.

Richard is looking for a brighter “burning candle” LED for his buildings. I gave him a build of a single LED using a coin cell. I will look for a brighter solution for him.

Air Volvo took me on what I call the space shuttle ramp onto the bridge, but there were no scary puddles on the bridge (five stories in the air). I arrived in Beaverton without incident, and then Air Volvo splashed through Beaverton, which had puddles on the main roads. The rain, the dark, and the puddles seemed to suppress the extra-legal driving and unexpected lane changes common on our streets. Air Volvo was intact when we arrived at the Volvo Cave.

I read almost to the end of my book, nearly falling asleep as the murder was unmasked, and this time I missed it. It was so obvious. I could not reach the end of the book as I was nodding off. I slept until waking to f**king early this morning on Sunday. But at least I could write a long blog and enjoy the sunrise.

Thanks for reading.

 

I could not sleep after walking at 1:30AM, so I am starting to write Friday’s blog on Saturday morning.

Starting the story of Friday and after a highly annoying day at work at the shoe company, I decided to watch the Marvels movie. I enjoyed the movie, laughing through much of it as it seemed more farcical than Superhero. I can see why so many people are unhappy with it; it is too happy and fun to be taken seriously by most serious fans. It was perfect for my mood at the time, and I liked it.

On Friday, I was so angry at the shoe company that I considered retiring immediately, but I also knew I was overreacting. What made me so angry was that I finally decided to resolve my missing paid time off (PTO) from the time of Susie’s death. Sedgwick, the company that Nike uses to evaluate leave requests, had canceled my request for family leave to care for Susie on hearing of Susie’s death. They even called me and asked me about my newborn child (apparently, they had incorrectly attributed my time off as paternity leave, to my great astonishment). When I informed them of my loss, they rang off and canceled my leave. I was in no mind to chase this as I was grieving for Susie and did not trust myself to calmly deal with Sedgwick.

Today, Friday, I decided to chase my missing six days of PTO. Three for leave and three for bereavement that I think I am owed. After quite some time on a chat window with Nike HR, it was agreed I could work with my manager, Brad, in this case, to restore the PTO for bereavement. This is consistent with my expectations. Sedgwick rejected my leave request, so I could not have the PTO returned for my last three days of caring for Susie. I was surprised and offered to send HR the Death Certificate to prove that, as I understood it, my case was what Family Leave was for. No matter to HR–Sedgwick decides. I was polite to HR as I knew this was not their fault.

I am boiling inside from this–but I also know my emotions are out of control. It is hard as this curfuffle mixes my grief and anger and brings it to the surface. I don’t like the feeling. I should have left this alone. Now I can’t sleep.

I put this here not to poke at my employer but as a record of my feelings. This blog is about my experiences. My anger, grief, and natural expectation of people doing right are combined into a toxic moment. The movie helped. I will spend the weekend trying to clear my head.

This is why I will not make important decisions for six months, like retiring. To use another Hollywood term, I am “emotionally compromised.”

Finishing my day, I went to the local Mexican place and had a good meal and a Margiritta (just one and a regular-sized one; I don’t want to start self-medicating with alcohol). Air Volvo got me home safe, and I soon went to bed.

I will add that Leta, Susie’s mother, had surgery for her broken arm on Friday and is now part titanium. She made it through without issues, and Barb, her daughter, is working on the next steps with the social worker. We are all relieved that Leta is better.

My day before this was working from home, the usual for a Friday. I was online and following along and approving and reviewing changes. While not very interesting work, I reminded some folks why they had to do something a certain way (such statements like, “You really don’t want to talk to audit about why your change was done without proper approvals,” seemed to get the point across). Yes, the curfuffle count was high today.

As a distraction, I made a complex lunch today. I split the chicken breast I had spare from yesterday’s cooking with a sharp Global Boning knife (recommended) without any issues. I breaded them twice in bread crumbs with some generic Italian-style seasonings and egg wash, adding some fennel seeds for some extra zing. I slowly fried them in oil in a non-stick pan (thanks, Steve WL); I added water to the hot pan to get steam to raise the temperature and cook the still-thick chicken (using a lid, of course, to keep the hot steam in the pan). The hot-steam trick I learned watching a grill cook making my breakfast. It is how he melted the cheese and heated the thick breakfast burrito through. I heated a spaghetti sauce from a jar (cheap at $2 a bottle and a favorite flavor of mine–Sausage, onion, and green pepper). I made fettucini pasta from a box (also on special for about $1 a box). I combined this, slicing one chicken breast, and had that for lunch. Just one bowl and one chicken breast, and I put the rest in the glassware to add to my collection of meals to reheat (thanks, Glenda and Gene, for the glassware).

I also found time on and off today to read my books from a recent Kickstarter, Skies & Fire, by Ray Chou. These are two comic books re-published in an excellent two hardcover and slipcase. The publication is of excellent quality, and the store is fun. An alternative reality with wars fought in flying zeppelins like WW1 battlecruisers. It’s a fairy tale of revenge, fate, and redemption–somewhat predictable but fun in 2D color pictures and text.

Moving to the morning, I woke stuffed up, and I did manage to put on my slippers without debating my life choices. I just jumped into Friday. Better. I made an NYC bagel from my collection of frozen ones from Joyce and the Smiths plus Jason. I picked up cream cheese yesterday, so bagels are back on the menu! Coffee, also from NYC (thanks, Smiths + Jason), and a banana completed my breakfast.

Friday is our staff meeting for the master data engineering team. So we did that, a friendly meeting, and then I started on my usual collection of Zoom meetings. This went on to 10AM. I then slipped out to shower and get dressed. I then approved a few more items and made lunch as I described.

Well, that completes the circle for Friday. Thank you for reading.

Wednesday night, I finished the blog sitting at the bar of Wildwood not far from the Volvo Cave. I had a second lighter beer, a locally made Pilsner while setting up the solo game, Ottoman Sunset. Some of my fellow beer drinkers were interested in the board game and came and looked at it after I had played it for a while. The goal was to survive the events that the Ottoman Empire (and later the Young Turks) faced from 1914 to 1918. These events are represented by a deck of cards that move threats, represented by troop markers on tracks coming closer to Istanbul. The deck has three sets of events at different times, but you must play them all to win. You can also sort them by number to repeat history in order. While the threats come closer, you have battles on other fronts to win and keep the people supporting the war. If they don’t, you repeat the fall of the Empire, just like what happened in history.

I found the cards exciting and managed to get through most of them, with maybe twenty left when Istanbul fell to the British Mesopotamian force. Lawrance of Arabia was also closing on me, too. I am not sure I like the game yet, as I mostly hoped for good rolls (representing driving back the invaders), and that is not a strategy (but it might be historically more accurate). I think it will play fast once I have the game rules down. The events in the deck are like a class on WW1 moments. I think there are more strategies available to me.

I closed Wildwood as I left just before 10PM when they close on Wednesdays. Air Volvo got me home without incident, and soon I went to bed. I woke up; I was working from home today as I had a delivery today, at 7AM (getting a little more sleep than my usual 6AM).

Waking and getting started were hard. I was missing Susie and just wanted to say, “F**k you,” to the world, and roll over and never get up again. I don’t want this world without my wife. I do not want the memory of her death and her body’s last moment with me, lovely dressed by Jennifer and holding Bunny, her hat, and a rose I brought her a day before. No tears, just sitting on the bed looking at my slippers.

But I put them on. I got my robe. I made coffee. I reheated wonton soup for breakfast–I need to go grocery shopping, but I like soup for breakfast. I take the soup and coffee into the home office and start my day.

Today for work is a KT day: Knowledge Transfer. Our team has a consulting company writing the code and designing some of the solutions for the new go-live this December. They need to turn them over and provide us with KT. While the developers have written some impressive items, the code has flaws and needs some important corrections. Apparently, I am still a talented enough ABAP programmer to help define these issues. I am glad I could bring some value. Notes and discussions will follow, but KT is done. We get the new stuff with the issues we identified. Life in IT for a multi-national. All this is on Zoom with India and the USA overlapping our morning and their early evening.

Between things, I also cleaned up my Quicken accounts and got eTrade reconnected to Quicken, at least partially. I also opened a new high-interest savings account, a 4.5% interest account in US Bank, under my name and Social Security Number. I can move the insurance money there now. Better.

John Nilsen has set aside 23March2024 in Beverton and 18April2024 in Lansing for Susie’s Celebration. More details to follow. I still have to check with Grace United Methodist in Lansing if we can have that date, but I think it should be OK as we are so far in advance.

Leta, Susie’s mother, has surgery on her broken arm on Friday. Leta fell last week and broke her right arm. I am hopeful.

I had a few more Zoom meetings to approve software changes and process items. A headache had me resting for the afternoon. I was glad I was home; the headache would have sent me home anyway.

My super (and expensive) chessboard controller for my cool electronic chessboard was delivered today. I powered it up and updated it by giving it access to my WIFI network. It is Raspberry Pi inside and Linux and can play, using a natural and standard wood chess set, across the internet. Yes!

I recycled Susie’s Skater Magazines and started clearing away the paper blob she had from years of ice skating, judging, and interacting with the cancer folks in Seattle. The rules books, notes from classes on judging, and other items without context without Susie are going. It is sad, but Susie would likely have tossed them years ago if she had been well enough, so there is nothing to save.

I found Susie’s own clipboard with her name on it. It was a treasured possession of hers, a gift for judging in a competition, and she always had it with her when judging. She would always use it instead of a plain clipboard. The clipboard was next to three inches of rules books in a Cambell Soup World Championship skating bag, another treasured possession. I remember Susie carrying that with her when she was judging. I kept the bag and the clipboard.

I will continue clearing the papers, magazines, and unneeded documents. Again, Susie would have done it if she was well enough years ago. Time to let go. There is time for everything, as the preacher said. I hope to get the room back in order and my chess table back in the room to use with the new computer.

I forget how grief leaves me mixed up sometimes. I popped out to Safeway for groceries and items to make Indian food tonight. It took me three trips around Safeway to get everything. I realized I had forgotten my wallet, put my cart aside, headed out, and took Air Volvo on a here-and-back trip to get it in just a few minutes. I then checked out and walked out without my bank card or paying.

I must admit, I was thinking about Susie the whole time I was shopping today and almost heard her telling me I should buy something. “Buy the good toilet paper–remember the last time you bought the cheap stuff,” I remember her saying.  Susie loved to grocery shop with me. She was the dietician, so I had to do what she said; she loved that. She pushed the cart, and I got to walk behind.

Returning to the story, one of the checkers, the Iraqi guy Awz, stopped me, wished me well, and told me how sorry he was about my loss. While I did not think I was upset, I managed to walk out as I said. The other checker ran after me and brought me back to Safeway to fix everything and return my bank card. Everything was OK, and everyone was supportive–they saw the grief that I did not know I was showing. It was a hard day.

On the more fun side, the holidays are starting, and the world apparently needed to update the gingerbread house. Yes, you can get Barbie, Trolls, Swiss Miss, Godiva, and Minion versions of the old gingerbread house kits. I said, “F**k,” when I saw this. Not sure we really needed this.

I know what you (at least some of you) are thinking. “WTF! Where is the Star Wars one?” A silver one for the Mandalorian. Maybe we should also have a retro Star Trek house too. Hmmm.

After I returned to the Volvo Cave and put away my goodies, I defrosted the chicken breasts I had put out in the microwave. I reserved one huge chicken breast for later. I cut up the rest, still partially frozen (it cuts easier), and made a mix of garlic and ginger paste with lots of ground cardamom with salt and some turmeric powder. I added cayenne pepper for a little zing. I put this on the chicken and rubbed it in, and let the chicken warm up while absorbing the spices. I thinly sliced a red onion and combined that with some bay leaves together with the chicken, and fried it in a pan. Once done, the chicken was a bit tough, I sprinkled some chopped cilantro on it to finish it. I heated some frozen Naan from Trader Joe’s to go with it. This is a reworking of a recipe in 666 Curies, my favorite Indian-style cookbook–recommended.

I watched a movie, my usual modus operandi while cooking, and enjoyed Knives Out again. The headache comes and goes today. The food was great (but likely better with thighs or drumsticks as per the recipe). I then wrote the blog.

Thanks for reading.