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I still wake at 4ish and fall back to sleep, and I wake after 8 when I finally rose. I let the house slide to 66F (19C) at night, and with it being freezing, 25F (-4C), the house floor was cold. I did not put the little vent covers on this year, and thus, the house was cold.

I was out of sorts and wrote slowly, having trouble finding the enthusiasm I usually have for the task. Dear reader, I enjoy the task (usually) of recalling the previous day and trying to produce 500-2000 words describing my experience for a day (often on the following morning). I want to remember every day and share it. But, on Wednesday morning, I was not enjoying it. It is a new thing, depression-like moments. Something that has appeared since the brain surgery and my wife’s, Susie, passing. I did not realize until writing this blog (on Thursday morning) that I was looking for someone all day, Susie, and the grief was sliding in and crushing me as I remembered her passing (13th of October, a Friday, 2023). It is not really depression but grief that froze my mind and actions on Wednesday.

I spent much time yesterday just talking to Deborah, which was lovely. We talked about simple things and later about hotels and Portland for Deborah’s visit in February. We talked for hours and in multiple sessions, which made the darkness fade. I was finally better by the afternoon, though tears did come a few times as grief surfaced again. I am confident that finding all the items in the garage helped trip the depression/grief. But I have recovered and will watch for it.

I made the last of the Costco pizza, which had too much basil (for me). I managed to eat a few slices and then tossed the rest. I promised myself I would make something I would like for dinner. I took a shower and soon was dressed in a T-shirt and slacks. I took Air VW the Gray to SurplusGizmo and learned that they accept donations on Saturday and that the printer is not wanted. Mike decided he could check out what I had and saw I had a speaker kit (another expensive kit I will never get to) and a flying RC shark that excited him. They took that and the speaker kit and will get some helium for the shark.

The shark thing was a gift from Linda, and I called her. I never got the helium; I never built it. She and I thought it was the perfect ending for the kit to be flown around in SurplusGizmo. I have more goodies for them that I will bring on Saturday.

I traveled to SBC Recycle, which took me a while to find again, and paid them $5 to take the printer. They have flat charges for items. I learned that they do pick-up and that they take furniture and mattresses. They will take the chairs I have for free. I will drop them off on Thursday. Glenda found this place on her last visit.

Next, while a 60% charge is reasonable for an EV with a 275-mile 100% range, I am still not used to this, and it is hard not to have range anxiety as a new EV driver. M@ has a Tesla, and their charge time is only 15 minutes at their superchargers, but I am a VW and have only lesser options that take an hour or more for a full charge. The installation of an EV station at the house has made no progress, as EV Charge PDX has not returned my call. Hmmm.

On my app, I see a fast (well, sort of) station for Electrify America at Fred Meyer (owned by Krogers now) near Nike WHQ. I did not look at the time; the kiddy-jam was in force (all the local school buses and kids hit the pavement at 3ish). I had to backtrack to avoid some of the mess and soon reached my target. I had my Apple and expected a coffee, a treat, and to do some writing or reading. It takes me a moment to park and connect as this is still new to me (and strangely, only gas is full service in Oregon- EV is all DIY). I get more walking now that I have an EV, a strange benefit, as I often park where the chargers are and then have to walk across a parking lot to someplace like a Target, Fred Meyer, or Subway. I imagine doing this in a snowstorm or worse would really suck. I talked to Deborah for part of the charging. I was surprised that the muffin shop closed at 2, that the Fred Meyer did not have a Starbucks inside, and that the Starbucks in the furthest part of the parking lot was closed for some private event. F**k. No coffee or a place to sit. Back to the EV.

I learned, I am sure they told me, that I have 500kW free with Electrify America, and the 40% charge top-off (I slipped to 59% in the travels) was forty-five minutes. Physics says that the last 20% takes as much juice as the first 80% for capacitors, and I believe that this is true to some degree for EVs. Thus, an 80% charge (like gas, you don’t want to drive around looking for a charge near zero) would likely not be 2x that time and cost. The charge cost was almost $15, but my plan covered it; it was free by a discount of the amount (thus, I know the price).

I find the EV an exciting adventure and a chance to learn and understand EV better. I never planned to do this. With the unexpected demise of the Volvo, and while I considered going carless and getting a bike, I decided that I was not ready for that physically (balance issues from the brain tumor) and emotionally (I like the freedom). The VW is cheap ($270 monthly after $4000 down) and seems a lightweight entrance to an EV.

With 100% charge, I reached home with 98% left. I was coughing again, and my nose was running. I had a small 1/2 dose of Benadryl, which helped, but it made me sleepy. I did the dishes and more laundry with The Machine, which worked perfectly on the Permanent Press setting. Dinner was sweat Italian-style sausage with fettucini pasta and sauce from a jar. I defrosted the sausage (I had frozen it) from Trader Joe’s, baked them until cooked, let them cool, sliced them into coins while still warm, and browned them in a metal frying pan (not non-stick). I then deglazed the brown bits with some wine, poured the jar sauce that I had cooked for forty minutes on low heat in the frying pan, and let that settle for fifteen minutes or more while I finished the pasta boiled in salted water. I did not add the salty water to the sauce as I was afraid it would add too much salt, as is my usual process.

I watched the Classic Doctor Who, Tom Baker as the Fourth Doctor, while eating dinner in a bowl in my comfy chair in the living room. It was delicious, so I had a few bowls. I nodded off, likely the food and Benadryl; I had no wine. I return to the kitchen, which looks like the remains of an exploded Italian restaurant, and do the dishes. I am in bed at about 10ish and read for a while, try a new physical book (my eyes blur a bit with text now), and enjoy The Grand Tour: Around the World with the Queen of Mystery, a reworking of some of Agatha Christie’s version now with contemporary letters and photographs from the family. The book is an oversized paperback version. So far, it has been delightful, but I just finished the extensive introduction.

I sleep before 11. I am cold and uncomfortable and wake up often. I finally sleep until 4 and rise at 5 feeling rested. The cough was much reduced now.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

Grammarly is not working properly today, so please forgive any mistakes…There appears to be an outage. I have copied this text in…

I rose late on Tuesday, having rolled over a few times. I seem to wake up at 3AM now. Mom Wild called me at 8ish and we chatted for a while. She was lonely and wanted to just talk for a while.

I started on the blog and wrote much of the morning. I texted back and forth with Deborah. It was a relaxed morning. I meant to start some laundry but did not finish it until later. I showered, shaved, dressed, and was out of the house in Air VW the Gray with an older model HP printer in the cargo hold. I drove to the SurplusGizmos to see if they would take the printer (and ask them about other items) but discovered they are not open on Tuesdays. I was hungry and received some replies on some church items that left me disenchanted. I needed a beer and a burger and stopped at Cornelius Pass Roadhouse. I tried to find my focus, eat, and enjoy my burger. I ordered my favorite, Captain Neon Burger, a bacon blue cheeseburger with the fixing and fries. It’s not a good choice for weight loss and health, but stress and a light breakfast of just a banana and coffee made me ravenous.

I returned home, soon napped, and read some of a Kickstarter-published New Edge Swords & Sorcery Magazine issue 3. The art and the writing were excellent and focused on Fantasy, with me thinking some of the themes would make an excellent new adventure. I am always thinking about writing a new adventure for Dungeons and Dragons. Corwin stops by, grabs the ladder, and cleans the leaves from the gutters. It is still cold, and Corwin is surprised that the bottom of the gutters is frozen water. I have a church Zoom meeting at 6:30, meaning I have no plans for dinner, and Corwin and I share the smoked salmon I got from Costco. I have some chips with the salmon but am still full of burger.

Corwin is not driving food deliveries today. Tuesdays are slow days, and sunny days are poor days for food delivery. Corwin and I discuss his motor bike, and he says he has not been able to sell it. I will donate it then. He is OK with that.

Pastor Ken calls me after he reads my emails and is concerned for my disenchantment, but the beer and food worked, and I am still willing to try to make some of the church project work. We agreed to try to continue the refresh of the fireside and entrance way, but I was concerned that the report I read had asbestos in the floor in the entryway. I told Ken that I believe we should pay for past errors before refreshing, but I will address that through the regular church committees. Also, the refresh may encapsulate the problem, which is a solution often used in older buildings. My focus as vice-chair of church (lay leader with an administrative focus for those who speak Methodist) council is more important.

The meeting followed and clocked in at more than two hours. Yikes! The meeting was about process and there was a little axe-grinding that was unsuccessful. I was trying most of the time not to say anything as meetings like this will just spin and go on forever on old topics long resolved. I did object to one change, but tried not to have it spin. I respect the person who was trying to fix the issue related.

I was happy that the meeting finally closed. I was only slightly disenchanted now.

Soon, tired, disenchanted, and cold, I decided 10 was OK for a shower, PJs, and more reading of Fantasy. I enjoyed a couple of stories. I felt that Tuesday was a failure as I did so little and went soon slept. I woke at 3ish for proof of hydration, but then managed to sleep again.

Thanks for reading.

At 10AM Monday, Matt (M@) showed up at Château Wild to lead the cleaning and reshuffling and to get Air VW the Gray inside and safe from local bird artists. I started the work a few days ago for a few hours each day to get some of the junk out of the way. I also threw away lots of chargers, transformers, and cables. Like many involved in USB equipment, I had a different set of cables for every older version and matching chargers. All were now in tangled messes and just clutter. I decided if I needed one, I could always buy one. I also found the Octopus A USB cable to other (but not C) types. That will do.

I found where The Ring was for all those years; it was lost in Sauron’s Garage. That is where I found my precious. I suspect the orcs accidentally took Sauron’s ring to Goodwill, and an enterprising hobbit bought it there. The hobbits, who love a good story, later made up a more interesting version.

The goal was to eliminate the accumulation of stuff with the realization that much of it had not been used in five years (before the pandemic), meaning it was not really needed and should be tossed or taken to Goodwill. We took two loads of stuff in the EV to Goodwill (they would not take the office chairs that were peeling). Among the items were more of Susie’s clothing, which always makes me sad when we find it.

M@ commented that he, too, has many 28mm figures he has not painted (I have piles of unpainted figures in the garage), but then he remembers all the ones he has painted and played with and just smiles (and I have painted hundreds? or thousands?). I will consider painting again as I find it relaxing and enjoyable.

M@ assembled the wheeled storage shelving (the same I used for the orchids), and we put the board games on that. Matt also organized the unplayed games (some less than loved Kickstarters). We found places for stuff, and I slowly but steadily cleaned up a work desk I had put in place years ago. It is where the charger for the EV will go and was blocking access to the electrical panels. The desk was Susie’s from college, and it had become unsteady (it never was very steady), and it was time for it to go. It took me a few hours, but I found places for stuff on it and under it. Much was trashed or recycled.

We moved Corwin’s motorbike outside and put the cover over it. We must find a solution for it (he does not need it). Through the magical powers of M@, the garage found order and was once again large enough inside (unlike the Doctor’s TARDIS, the garage is smaller inside) to hold a vehicle, and Air VW the Gray now sleeps in the garage. There is also access to the power panel.

The panel was replaced some years ago when I learned that the panel was recalled and was not safe. F**k! Again, I am always impressed when you buy a house, have it inspected, and later find out it was not-to-code and that certain safety items were missing/failing. I replaced the natural gas hot water heater early, and they had to rebuild the connections, redo the exhaust, and put a safety tank on it, but as it was a fixed bid, I did not pay extra (for once). Previously, I was informed that I had to strap the one that came with the house and cover it with a blanket (I did), that the house had no ground faults (I installed them), and that the garbage disposer was directly connected to the power as was the stove (I spent $1200 fixing the stove connections). I replaced the furnace, added AC, replaced all the windows, sliders, roof (and 3/4 of the plywood underneath–again, a flat bid, and they ate that), deck, and fence, and updated or replaced much of the landscaping. I refreshed the bathrooms with the master damaged by a toilet leaking while I was in NYC with Susie as an accidental tourist for four weeks.

I will consider, in the future, an electric tankless heater in the bathrooms and something for the kitchen. The newish natural gas one was high-efficiency and lowered my gas bill, as did the new furnace, which was moderately efficient. The trees keep the house cool in the summer with their shade and also eliminate the option for solar panels on the house.

I will contact the recommended contractor, and I should get a discount for installing a charger at the house. Richard offered to do the electrical work, but I think that was covered. If not, I will likely take him up on that.

It was late, and I had received some more strange items from the church and was upset. I also spent some time just chatting with Deborah (it was her day off), and we are excited that she will be here in less than four weeks. I finally found focus again, finished the blog, published it, and decided it was time to get something to eat; it was already after 7:30.

BJ’s Brewhouse was my choice, and it was a pleasure to get Air VF the Gray out of the garage, but the garage opener is still in the old Volvo. I need to stop by Volvo anyway to update them on the status of the wreck (waiting for a title replacement). I will likely donate the wreck and the motorbike to Oregon Public Broadcasting; they will likely need money once Trump gets going and tries to sell PBS to Elon Musk–sounds like a joke, but I am not sure it is.

I sat at the bar and had some fill-in bartenders, Taylor and Chris. Taylor was busy cleaning and working. Chris sort of just made drinks and wandered (I was not impressed that he let Taylor clean). The previous bartender, who I knew, was happy to see me. I had not been back in a month or two. First, I have been traveling, and second, their food adds pounds fast! I had the chicken soba noodles and a salad. I did have a red ale that the manager, happy to see me, brought me before the bartenders even spoke to me. I saw their wide eyes, as that was an unusual occurrence. I had good service, and Taylor, already dressed for home, got me coffee and a shot of amaretto to go with my coffee.

I saw that they are back to training folks on the basics. This was on the bartender’s screen.

I took the EV home and had to get out and open the garage, but still, it was nice to park inside. Soon, I was reading in bed in my PJs after a shower. I was asleep after 11, work at midnight, three, four, five, and six, and rolled over each time. Coffee late wakes me up at night.

Thanks for reading.

The morning started with me rising with my alarm at 7:30 and trying to find my way on a Sunday. I find Sundays are often busy for me. I wrote until about 10 and published the story on Friday. I drank liberal coffee on this inaugural weekend and later charged my EV car, the first peaceful transition of power in the USA since people died on the last one. While along with the grounds, I find Hope in my cup, the bitterness reminds me of how much work liberals have yet to do.

I am running out of time this morning, as I have a visitor at 10, so this will be a bit rushed.

Moving forward, Air VW the Gray was plugged into charging near the church. In a dress shirt, blue sweater vest, Pride tie, and black shoes, I sat through church but was not listening. I was looking at the refresh area and the sanctuary and noticed a connection I need to consider in this work. Michael R gave a good sermon on the story of Joseph (of the coat of many colors) and how cities are both something we should help, but we can become involved in the interworkings of a city, and as a church, we need to remember who we serve. It was an interesting connection.

Jack and I had lunch at the local Thai place in Beaverton. It was overpriced but good. I was shocked to see that the lamb was not $39. I ordered a veggie dish (I had only a banana for breakfast, but I have been sneaking snacks at the house). It was with rice; I should have ordered bread instead. Rice turns to sugar too fast, and for a diabetic, it was a questionable choice. It is OK for an occasional food. After lunch, we got the EV, which was now charged 91% for about $3, and I dropped Jack at home.

I returned home, removed the tie and sweater, switched to a floppy sweater, and returned to cleaning the garage. M@ is coming over on Monday to help, but I wanted to finish some things. I work for a few hours. I spotted only a mouse spider (they grow huge) and thought it was the brown recluse, but no. They are not aggressive, and the smaller ones are not likely to break your skin. I will sweep the garage when we clean it up, which is the best way to get rid of them, and then spray insecticide to keep them away. I usually see a few substantial brown fuzzy mouse spiders that are freaky when three or more inches wide (including the legs). They make me jump when they run away, and you see that running in the corner of your eye. I try to chase them out of the garage instead of killing them. They are a wonder when that size.

I head to M@ for Dungeons and Dragons, 5E version (though we are reading some of the 2024-5 new version). Today is our first time playing in a month. We are now headed to the D&D version of Hell, published for Dungeons and Dragons without Dante. I don’t want to share too much as this is published, but my cleric character was hammered repeatedly. Luckily, my character has many hit points and magical armor. My character survived a pummeling, and we escaped. It was a close thing, and I had to use some of my best spells, and we ran. Tiamat, another D&D version, was about to rise as we left the area.

We had a new player, and everyone was well for our first game at the 18th level and our first time in 2025. I forgot my hat. Matt made us burgers for dinner. I was home at about 9:45 and watched some Classic Doctor Who until I headed to dress for bed. I soon showered, was in bed, and slept.

I woke at 3 and could not sleep. I got emails about church stuff and was very unhappy about it. It kept me awake for about an hour, and I finally fell back to sleep. I am not sure church committees were a good fit for me. Hmmm.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

I woke after 8 and felt like I could have stayed in the blankets all morning. Instead, I rose and soon started the blog. I wrote until late morning. I planned to work on house items this weekend. I spent most of the months of 2024 traveling, and the house is in some disarray. Some of the messiness predates Susie’s illness, when my focus became post-COVID-19 working at the shoe company for endless hours, caregiving, and facing cancer myself. Now, not traveling in January, it seems the period to bring some order to the chaos.

I wrote until about 10:30, with a few excellent interruptions from Deborah. She will be here in the Pacific Northwest in about a month, another reason to bring order to chaos at the house. For lunch, I had the cold pizza I baked the day before.

I cleaned up, shaved, dressed, and started my day in a heavy sweater. I entered the garage and began emptying the shelves over my tool chest filled with not tools but a supply of electronics, including various versions of Raspberry Pie computers, Arduino microcontrollers, sets of components (resistors, capacitors, diodes, ICs, coils, high-voltage versions of the same, and so on). I started emptying boxes and clearing shelves on which I had just piled items for the past few years.

For years, I would buy things thinking I would do such a project, and then caregiving, health surprises, and work items would return to my focus, and I would forget the items or just put them aside for the next thing. I now know that this was a defensive mechanism and a way to handle the stress and spend night after night and weekend at home. The idea of travel, seeing Deborah, writing, and mathematics excite me. Model building, electronics, and lighting projects are less interesting now that other choices have arisen.

I spend a few hours in the cold garage, fill the trash bin by 1/4, and add many small boxes to the recycle bin. I have made no real cubic improvement of clear space, the actual goal, but I am approaching the work desk I need to remove (it was Susie’s college desk for years, making it now over thirty years old) to get access to where the wall space will be for the charger.

I am cold now and sneezing from dust. I decided to head to Macy’s to get some sheets and rewash Air VW the Gray; despite being parked on the street, the local birds have colored it. I need a break from the cold and dust. I board the ID.4 and find a long line of cars packed into the car wash, including some huge and spotless trucks (obviously, this is how they are kept perfect). Despite this, the cement-colored vehicle gets two laps, the maximum allowed, to try to restore the color to the original. Two spots of ick stay on the windshield (I manually remove them later). Wet and clean, Air VW the Gray heads to Macy’s. I park at the Transborne Mall with all the shop entrances outside (an interesting choice for rainy Oregon) and walk down the steps to Macy’s.

I was disappointed to see the ‘Store Closing’ signs that proclaimed it was just this store and that everything was on discount. I found the sheets on the second level, and the store still looked fresh (even with the signage) but now sad. To me, it seemed that the store was passing away before its time, and every inch still looks perfectly maintained. Disturbed by the dying vibe of something special, I quickly find three sets of ‘Full’ sheets and a pair of pillows. I checked out and got 25% off the regular price (in other words, the usual price at Macy’s and not a real ‘store closing’ discount). I get two bags for the sheets, and the cashier whips out an adhesive-based handle and attaches it to the pillows, giving them a handle; wow! For a moment, it seemed like Macy’s again with the smile from the cashier, waving her hands like a magician, but the retail magic faded when she said, ‘No returns.’ I see the lovely gals still at the perfume and makeup bars as I walk out, ‘I loved the store,’ I tell them as I leave. They thank me, and again, for a moment, it was Macy’s. I rush out before the magic fades.

I parked my purchases in the cargo hold, decided I needed a break, and headed to Buffalo Wildwings, remembering all the trips there with Susie, Corwin, and Mariah. I sat at the bar and ordered a regular Coors (remembering that I used to help sell it in the Baltimore-Washington-Richmond corridor). I have ten wings and poor-quality potato wedges, splitting ten traditional wings (with bones) with cajun and Asian Zing sauces. I ignore the fact that my wings are nearly cold when they arrive (the bartender forgot to get my order instead of the manager delivering the bar food to ensure the food is hot); I have had enough disappointments to pretend they are hot.

I watch football and eat the wings. The veggies are good but reduced in number. Hmmm.

Still, I feel happy even when I pay too much for the stupidly high salt, sugar, and high-caloric dinner. I walk back to my transportation. No fob. I walk back, looking for it. I find it on the bar floor! The VW fob is smooth and thus easily falls out of a pocket. I will have to think about attaching keys or something else to it. How strange.

I traveled to Richards. One player is a no-show; it happens. We changed to a better three-person setting and a cooperative newish game, Cthulhu Death May Die. I have not played it before, but it flows better than Mansions of Madness, Second Edition, a game with a like theme, and it seems to grant more agency to the players. But, my options are mostly to attack and fight, not matching the theme at all (Lovecraftian stories and games are about discovering a horror, running, and solving a problem), and it appears to be a reworking of a SciFi game.

I pick an older Asian-looking monk to play. We play the first time, and it is an unplayed scenario. The game board explodes with bad guys, and soon, we start struggling. We managed to hold on but could not find the last piece of the puzzle in time. We lose. We play again; the struggle is different (Richard and Lauren change characters), and we are all damaged. Richard’s character is overwhelmed, and we lose again. Lauren and Richard told me they had never lost twice in a row before. I enjoyed the play.

I had coffee from Richard for the second play. I take Air VW the Gray across Portland with almost no traffic. It is a moonlighted night, and the drive is pleasant. I wonder why so little traffic on a Saturday Night, as I am often bookended by fast-moving. The EV was now around 70% charged.

I watched some Classic Doctor Who to wind down for sleep. I have some painkillers and Benadryl to help me sleep. I get tired and make it to bed around midnight after a shower. I soon sleep and do not wake until my alarm at 7:30.

Thanks for reading.