Today 15May2023

A setback in my health. I have been having hearing issues, but with all the events and pandemic, I have ignored the problems for years. Now my hearing is gone, mostly in my left ear, and I am bringing to detect hearing issues with my right. Today I finally visited an Ear, nose, and throat clinic (ENT), and after cleaning out my ears, they defined my loss. So the loss is someways profound, and I am likely having, even with my better hearing ear, issues understanding the letters F and G as those sounds are in a range I have moderate hearing loss in my good ear. This has disappointed me as I had hoped for something better, but I believe I have experienced what was detected. Further, the loss on my left side is inexplicable as it starts as a severe loss and is even profound for some sounds. The left side may have a medical condition (and that gives me some hope for relief).

I am depressed as I have already noticed the loss in listening to music (I cannot hear the higher tones, so the music seems hollow), and I cannot understand some conversations unless I am close to the speaker. In addition, I have started to struggle with accents that were once clear to me. I am ready to just hide in my home office and text everyone. I may feel better about this in a few days–but I had hoped (prayed) that this infirmity would pass me by, but I have to face it; another thing. I really just want to hide. I am sure I can look into hearing aids, but I am worried that will conceal the worsening condition.

For dinner, I did manage to eat a tamale from the tamale lady at Wildwood Taphouse. I see her there maybe every year, and she sells tamales from her truck (hot and spicy), and I purchased a set from her yesterday. So good!

Yesterday I also saw JR at the Taphouse, and we chatted briefly. Then, he headed out on his bike. JR retired from Nike some time ago. We met there, working in what was then called Global Information Technology (GIT). It is always lovely to drink a beer with him. First, I spend some time at the bar and then find a corner to write. I go there to write as I don’t always like to be alone when I write.

Starting from the beginning of Monday, I was up early and made instant low-sugar oatmeal adding walnuts and dried cranberries. This is with liberal coffee, of course. I then headed out, after showering and dressing, to the ENT clinic for an early morning appointment. I put on the Air Volvo nav but then skipped its suggestions to use the highways during rush hour. Nav was correct, but I don’t have kids, so I did not know about the near shutdown of roads in front of schools (kids getting dropped off). I was only a few minutes late!

The first hearing test attempt failed because my ears had too much wax. I had to wait until my 9AM appointment, and the doc then cleaned up my ears. I was then told my hearing test was rescheduled to 10AM; I got some coffee while I waited, plus a slice of lemon cake.

The test is quite difficult because I have to concentrate on hearing anything. The sounds in my left ear are not just 1/2 volume but garbled, like underwater listening. I have lost my ability to quickly hear high tones. I am happy to know what is wrong (I have a physical copy of the report) and wondered if I could reverse filter the sound with a program and feed the sounds from a headphone and play mono, but adjusted into my right ear. I could then use headphones again (I have not been able to use headphones for some time as the sound is garbled). It may be time for a Python program on my Apple. I could also do something with hardware for a personalized speaker (microcontrollers are too slow to handle this). I could increase the volume in a separate high-frequency speaker to match my hearing range (it would sound good to me) by adding ten to twenty decibels to high-frequency sounds. Just my mad scientist wanting to build my own hearing aid.

While enjoying the tests, my phone buzzed too (making it even harder to hear for the test), and that was Jennifer at hummingbird house letting me know that Susie’s shipment of strawberry Ensure was late and asked if I could get some and bring it to Susie. So I head from the ENT clinic directly to Susie using those same highways I had avoided and make a quick trip and soon reach Target near Susie’s place at the hummingbird house in Portland (Tigard) at Allegiance Senior Care LLC, 9925 SW 82nd. Ave. Portland (Tigard), OR 97223; phone (503) 246-4116. I wanted some flowers too, but it was Mother’s Day on Sunday, and Target was out of flowers, having not restocked yet. So I soon had the Ensure and headed to the hummingbird house.

Susie was delighted to have me there, and Jennifer was happy to get the Ensure for Susie. Jennifer put Susie in the wheelchair (covered Susie’s arms and exposed ankles with sunscreen) from her recliner in the shared living room space, and we headed out into the morning/early afternoon hot air. The park was busy, but I got us to the shaded bench by the cedars. I checked with the park staff, and they pointed out the redwoods (which look more like huge perfect cone Christmas trees); I now know which is which; excellent. We then called Leta, Susie’s mother, and talked briefly.

Susie and I sped around the park as I had to return to work. Susie was happy to enjoy the sun and see all the folks in the park. The locals and the park manager are beginning to recognize us–we are regulars!

I kissed Susie goodbye and headed home. I was still depressed and just returned to the house and started working after making lunch. I boiled cheese-stuffed pasta and spicy locally made marinara sauce from a bottle. Something simple, pasta with sauce. I had more bowls than I should have, but it tasted good, and I eat when I am sad.

I then tried to follow along at work but felt inadequate to the challenge after the hearing report. I tried to keep up. I stopped at about 4:30 and decided to finish a movie I found on YouTube: Space Battleship Yamato. This is a live-action film with some incredible model work, with the actors voiced in English. Quite terrible and predictable. It is nearly impossible to get the 1:500 matching SciFi model of the Yamato, and I have seen the lighting kit to make the effect of firing its super cannon for sale. Nevertheless, I wanted to see the movie. It was a good distraction.

I have a tamale for dinner and an apple and watch the show on my Apple. I rested briefly and fell unexpectedly asleep but woke only after thirty minutes. I then made some popcorn and watched a science series, Shock and Aw, the Story of Electricity, which I recommend.

I then wrote this blog.

I am still depressed and overreacting; I will see how I feel in the morning. No decisions tonight and nothing until I am back in focus. Ugh!

Here is my first rose in my garden. The plant is always the first and last bloom and is an old rose often called Old Blush or China Rose.

I forgot that I went out and fixed a loose board in the old fence. While I was drilling in some new screws and adding a piece of wood to hold the board better, I met the new folks moving into the house behind mine. We could only reach over the fence as there was no gate to shake hands. I decided to do something not depressing and fix the board.