I have included some information about dying in this writing. I hope that is acceptable. It is where we are headed and I wanted to keep to the truth.
I spent the night on the crash pad with sheets, a pillow, and a blanket in Susie’s room. Susie’s condition slightly improved, with her blood pressure improving and her oxygen level returning to 90+. Her heart rate is increasing, as expected in someone with little time left. Susie may rally yet, but I did hear the cough start, which is a sign of the next stage.
Aside: When Susie went into hospice the first time, there was a mandatory reading of a little book. It describes the process of passing away so a loved one would better understand what is natural and what can be done to prevent suffering. Serendy Hospice is already stepping in to keep Susie comfortable. A hard thing to read, but recommended when you have to support someone at the end of their life.
I slept only a few hours with Rosalie in to check on Susie every other hour. Susie has to be moved every few hours to prevent a skin breakdown. She is so frail now that this possibility will develop in a few hours, if not checked. I got a few hours of sleep, as I said, and Susie did not sleep much.
I was back up and tried to work for the shoe company from the social room at the hummingbird house. Jennifer, who starts in the morning after Rosalie, got me a coffee. I did manage to do a few hours of Zoom meetings, but more nurses and a social worker came and wanted my attention. Work is not going to happen.
I put in for Family Leave from Nike, which, when approved, is 100% and good for eight weeks. I have to use my paid time off (PTO) until it is approved, and then the PTO is refunded. I am familiar with the process. I contacted my boss, Brad, and he was helpful and supportive.
Susie was more awake in the afternoon.
I finally, approaching lunchtime, got to Target. I got more flowers (roses for Susie’s room) and a nice arrangement for the dinner table. I also aquired supplies to brush my teeth and so on. After returning, Jennifer explained the shower there, and I managed to make it work and not soak the place. I shaved and finished up in Susie’s bathroom. Susie smiled as I said it was like a vacation and all the hotel rooms we had done together. Good memories.
Jennifer made me a veggie pasta for lunch. It was hot and good.
I spent the afternoon mostly being quiet and answering people’s emails of support. Susie needs some rest. She is too weak to swallow. I was quiet and stayed with her until about 4:30. Jeiinfer and I agreed I should get some rest, and home was the best place for that. I kissed Susie goodnight; she looked tired and barely registered that I was leaving. They will call me in if needed. Jennifer will try again to see if Susie can take her meds; otherwise, we will have to stop them. A stroke is possible without them, and I am afraid likely.
Note, Susie has a DNR and orders that no heroic attempts are to be used to bring her back (you need both). She has decided no more needles or IVs and certainly no tube feeding. Please know that Allegiance can handle these options, but we said no.
Returning to the story, traffic sucked. I stopped by the local Mexican joint, Don Chilito, for dinner. A chili relleno and an enchilada for dinner took no time. I took the detour; 209th is close to TV Highway. The house smelled like a house that had been closed up too long (I was not there much since Thursday), and I aired it out. I did laundry and dishes, got the mail, paid bills, and all the usual human things. This gives you a feeling of accomplishment and makes you feel you have some control. It helps. I tidied up the spare bedroom. While still a messy place, it is a little better.
I found the previous hospice paperwork. I wrote this blog. My back hurts. I am tired. I will stop soon.
I have a bag packed and ready.
Thanks for reading.
For those who wish to know: Susie’s place at Allegiance Senior Care LLC, 9925 SW 82nd. Ave. Portland (Tigard), OR 97223; phone (503) 246-4116.
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