The morning was hard at 7:30 as I had only slept since 5ish, and the few hours were insufficient to wake up. I dragged myself out of bed and got started. I made coffee and found a yogurt and a not-too-black banana for breakfast. I found my way to reading the emails, Slack updates, and news. I also reread the diagnosis. I am supposed to hear from the Doctor’s office to plan the next step. They called the wrong number and sent me an email to call them after they were closed for the weekend. I have printed out the info and will call them on Monday. I hope this will not be the usual three to six months to meet with a specialist to do tests for another month and then meet again months later. That was what happened with my colon cancer at first. Hopefully, with an actual tumor diagnosed, I can get on the fast track–this also happened with my colon cancer–once there was a diagnosis, the surgeons lined right up (I had three).

As usual, on Friday, work was just a series of Zoom meetings on status and process. We have some tasks running over their planned durations, so the usual grumbling from leadership was that we needed to catch up and run smoothly over the weekend. This is followed by the regular finger-pointing (or circular firing squad) of the hardware and system people saying to run the software right. The software people will demand more hardware and resources. This is followed by the usual request to find some pixie dust to make it work better. Our team created the pixie dust Excel spreadsheet to run the process and thus prevent any handoff issues. It will run efficiently for the whole weekend. It is quite likely we will magically catch up.

I slept again from ten to noon. I made dinner last night and then put it all in the frig when The Smiths invited me to dinner. I reheated it in the microwave. I added Swiss cheese to the Chicken Cordon Blue, broiled out yesterday. I reheated one sweet potato, which I ate plain. I had a bowl of couscous seasoned with almond slices, cranberries, and Indian-styled spices. I watched some videos from Battleship New Jersey, which covered why modern weapons were not added to the New Jersey when the ship was reactivated by Ronald Reagan’s administration. All the cool systems of the 1980s (some still in use or revised) are too fragile to be placed near the 16″ guns. The missiles added to New Jersey were placed between the funnels to prevent damage from the big guns. The escorting destroyers for New Jersey bristled with these weapons and were on duty to protect the battleship–somewhat ironic.

I showered, skipped shaving, and dressed in time to catch the architecture meeting, which was called again every week to talk about issues. This meeting filled the hour, and I did share my diagnosis of a brain tumor with my colleagues. We talked about many technical items I cannot share here.

I took another nap until the status meeting at 4:35, the last one before the weekend, and we had the described grumblings again. Everyone was respectful and ready; we knew what to do.

I put on my new whiter-than-white Air Force Ones and headed out. I finally selected the GVB in Beaverton for dinner. There I am, enjoying ginger ale and bourbons and beef pot pie. I wrote the blog in the bar. I am slowly feeling better. It is likely the bourbon.

My replacement hat arrived. It is the same style as Dr. Jones’s hat from the movies, but taller and historically correct. It is a soft wool that is thicker than the previous.

Thanks for reading.

I do not know how to write this blog, and I went to bed trying to sleep so I could do this writing with a better perspective, I hoped. Morpheus barred me from his kingdom tonight–bastard. I don’t know if it is the chai I had with dinner–too much caffeine; the Smiths (David and Michelle) picked me up, and we had dinner together as they wanted to comfort me. I did not want to be alone. It was a great dinner, Indian-styled food. I had the lamb vindaloo (I love that hint of vinegar), eating with my hands (but using a fork to load up my naan). It helped me calm down. Thanks!

Today, I was expecting news. I thought it unlikely that I had a brain tumor, and if I did, it would be cancer and would not matter in that I would have so little time that I would be in a marathon to get my estate ready. A strange comfort that I would not have to go on after Susie’s death. Or I was fine. But, f**k, I was not expecting another possibility. A benign but slow-growing tumor behind my ear, slowly taking my hearing on my left side, would also threaten my balance, which was not on my list of expected options. F**k again. Unexpected! Unprecedented–f**k, I hate that word.

Today at 4ish, I got to enjoy an MRI. I have not done that before. I have no metal implants and proved it today by surviving an MRI. I have never been stuffed in a tiny hole, my head in a cage with headphones and earplugs, and assaulted by a mass of sounds. I kept my eyes closed for most of it and tried to breathe normally for thirty minutes. The strong, cool air they blew across my face helped, and it reminded me of my train ride years ago, with me sleeping in a bunk above Susie with only a few inches to spare.

You get to pick music, and the nurse who did my IV was the slightly distant voice in my headphones while I was stuffed in a tiny hole recommended The Wall by Pink Floyd. She saw the gray hair and thought I was a rock person. I picked, instead, and she highly approved, The Dark Side of the Moon, also by Pink Floyd, and the first CD I ever owned.

Most of the time, it was difficult to hear the music, but when the claustrophobia started, I started to listen to the words. I imagined flying in space around Saturn, Jupiter, and Uranus in my capsule. The loud noise was the gravity effects of the massive planets. I also imagined I was a Lovecraftian creature flying in space, and the noise was my way of experiencing gravity and radiation, “listening” to Pink Floyd through a bone vibration process (there is no sound in space). The music borrowed from the humans at the third rock. It was a difficult process, but it gave me something to daydream about (I did not fall asleep).

The results came by 5PM on myChart, and my hearing Doc Brian called and said the tumor would not kill me, and if I were older or in frail health, they would do nothing. But my tumor, a benign tumor over the nerve bundle, is not tiny, 2.2 cm, and I am looking at surgery or radiation. Doc Brian will connect me to his partner and more doctors. Again, it is slow growing, and there is no risk except for my hearing and balance. I also read my facial nerves could be impacted, but I will not speculate–I will listen to the professionals.

Well, f**k, I have a new challenge. Also, I was thinking that I would need to retire if the tumor was cancer (and die), but now I need more medical stuff, so I will have to keep going. Yet another f**king adventure with yet-another-medical-leave-request and Sedgewick and Nike HR.

F**k!

I feel like I have caught irony instead of COVID-19. Not cancer. It’s not life-threatening. But, I need brain surgery or brain radiation (possibly the gamma knife I read–again, I should not read anything on the internet). It seems ironic to have a boring, low-grade brain tumor–how can there be something like that. F**K!

So, new doctors, new tests, new options, new tumors, and it sounds like a bad version of the Twelve Days of Christmas.

And now I can’t f**king sleep, and it’s Friday at 3AM. I also can’t stop using F**K!

I started counting again. Today is Day 1 of the new challenge. Let me try to write my narrative for Thursday, 15Dec2023.

I started at 6AM and rolled over for what was ten seconds, I swear, for 6:30AM. I rose, having slept some of the early afternoon on Wednesday and still able to sleep. I made only coffee as breakfast was available at work today. We get a breakfast and lunch buffet for the testers and those who support them (us) at Nike WHQ Swift. I never drank much of the coffee as it was too hot before 7AM showed on all my clocks. I did have time to approve a change in a technical design document (a software bug fix) and read emails, Slack channel updates, and the news, as usual, to prepare for the day. I don’t want to be that guy who asks something in a Zoom call that was called out in the channel updates! I showered, shaved, put Utterly Smooth on my feet and hands (every f**king day), and dressed. I am still pulling clothing from the suitcase I loaded when I thought a family member would need me in Michigan–the person is doing better. And, like me, meeting with a new bunch of doctors and running tests for the latest challenge–f**k.

Air Volvo, damp with some of the Oregon Mist that has slipped in between primarily dry days, had me at Nike WHQ without incident. For a Thursday, the traffic was lighter (Christmas break for the kids has parents not on the road running late and panicked) and well-behaved (it won’t last). I took the elevator, still unfamiliar with the brand-new and glowing white Air Force Ones. My balance and coordination, while improving, were still best not tested at 6:50 today. Aside: Now we know why.

I sat in the atrium; the two stories of glass were not warm! I did the hours of Zoom meetings there while eating my breakfast (with bacon). I had some discussions about data and processes, but none can be covered in this blog. Next, I had a burger from the updated buffet for lunch. I ate two cookies because I had an MRI and need a hit of sugar for that! I did my last Zoom meeting, which was surprisingly short, and approved more tickets and design changes–all software bug fixes.

I also created a myChart account for Providence Medical Services, as I only had an account for Susie. They require an email address, and my usual one, alohawild@mac.com, was used already for Susie’s account. I slid in by using the alternative that is mapped to the same account, alohawild@me.com, and soon had a working account that immediately showed my MRI. Excellent. I could get results online.

That also gave me the address of the MRI place, which I had only my handwritten notes on. Better. I left Swift at Nike WHQ and boarded Air Volvo, and soon, I arrived and discovered the location of the imaging service. I left Air Volvo in the parking lot, which was almost full, and found the lobby almost empty (?!). I have found that specialized imaging is often waiting for patients as they book it for the worst-case timing, and I was right and soon was enjoying the process. Non-metal using scrubs were provided, and I locked everything in a set of lockers. MRI is serious voodoo, and the forms and warnings are manifold. I was effectively told that this would suck and to make the best of it. I tried to comply. I closed my eyes and hoped I would not panic when shoved into a round, slightly off-white 2001 Space Odyssey-looking machine. It needed more red lights, but it did have one red laser that seemed to be an update of the red light from the movie’s HAL-9000. The nurse, Diane, was the voice in my non-metallic headphones. She spoke calmly, but I could hear her humor, trying not to leak out. Had she said, “I can’t do that, Micheal,” I would have ruined the process with my giggling.

So, as I described before, I managed it.

I took Air Volvo home, and knowing I had Theology Pub at 7PM, I made dinner. A Chicken Cordon Blue from the freezer, couscous, and some microwaved sweet potatoes. No results on the MRI, so I was expecting that on Friday. I took almond slices, dried cranberries, and Indian-styled spice and cooked them in hot butter. I got this hot and the butter brown and added a cup of couscous to toast in the butter and seasoning. I cooked the chicken in the oven. All was nearly completion when an email popped up that I had results.

The results, coming before Doc Brian’s call, took me three reads to understand. The word lesion took me a while to understand. The worst news: tumor. I looked up a word I did not know, and that was a horror internet story you always get when reading this stuff out of context.

I called Dondrea, The Smiths, and Linda, my sister. Doc Brian called and explained that I was facing a non-life-threatening tumor and that, at its size of 2.2cm, it would need to be addressed. He would connect me with the next doctors, and the process of developing a care plan would begin (my words).

F**k.

The Smiths suggested dinner out, and I heartily agreed. The finished dinner went into containers and was carefully placed in the frig. We managed to avoid the tumor in the discussion. It is premature to have much to say. It was a good distraction, and I have 1/2 a plate of Lamb Vindaloo and plenty of naan next to my other dinner.

And that ends the narrative.

I am cold and shaking while writing this. I am freezing. I turned up the heat. I made ginger tea.

Another voyage begins Thursday and this early Friday. Like before, it is not a voyage I would select, and it will be painful and awful. I will do this one without Susie. The adventure will also be amazing and I get to do strange things and experience weird things. Fun with brain tumors. I still plan to travel, see Zorida in Texas, and visit New Orleans in January.

The voyage is holy and must be respected and cannot be resisted. I imagine myself changing rafts in a little village. After a few drinks and an Indian-styled meal with friends in the friendly village, then it’s on to the next boat. I make something warm and put on my coat. I see the flag on the raft, The Unexpected, and just say, “Well, Fuck.” I cry and drink my tea. I was not ready, but you are never really prepared. Here I go!

Thanks for reading.

Welcoming the 2024 early, Rocket Mortgage celebrated by sending me my 1098 early. Yipee!

Today was also the Nike SEC Project’s (my project I often mention as a “project” in the blog) Holiday Party with a Ugly Sweater and a trivia contest. There was finger food, and wine, and beer. Also, a photo booth and fluffy snowball-like items that we threw at each other. That was really fun, and I gave as I got. Leadership was not afraid to defend themselves! It is only a rumor that I threw the first one.

And while all of this eating, drinking, and tomfoolery was ongoing, Nike stock did break $121 a share. So, a good day, indeed.

Before the storm of fluffy snowball-like items, I spent the day in Zoom status and process meetings and discussing data. Another boring day which is excellent at this point of the project. We did get an emergency ticket issue at 4ish, a process mishap–the Service Now ticket was accidentally closed on an emergency change to production. Oh my. We had to do sudden re-approvals on a new replacement ticket–yes, more like watching paint dry–but we do make the paint. The rituals of replacement were followed without any future intervention of the dreaded internal audit expected.

Aside: I use funny language, but it is serious business when tickets go off the track.

I drove home in the darkening skies, but dry. Once home, I considered doing something but then crawled into bed. I managed to sleep until almost 8PM! I feel much better!

Before this, I had lunch at Swift, finding a conference room for my weekly lunch meeting with Scott. He is going on holiday break soon and was getting things on auto-pilot before heading out. We had a nice chat, and we both look forward to getting the next version of our software running this holiday.

The morning was filled entirely with Zoom meetings. I was even talking to the dread internal audit folks, and we agreed that involving the internal audit folks before we had completed anything in a sandbox was premature. I did cover some issues I believe we will have, but first, we have to have them and then find a resolution before we ask the internal audit to agree to the process. The proverbial horse was before the cart. It happens.

We did the usual Zoom meeting on how to go live, what the processes are, and most importantly, how we get out of 7/24 support–my favorite topic today. It is a shared PowerPoint and various linked documents. At least they did not read every word on the slides to us. But, despite the didactic process, we are excited to finally reach this point. There were over 400 people on that Zoom meeting! Excellent.

The early morning was the usual question, “Why?” Why am I getting up at 6AM, and why can’t I sleep more. I rolled over and finally slept a few minutes before my alarm, only to be awake again. My slippers and robe were found and applied to my still-numb body. No breakfast was made as I would consume what is offered at Swift as my colon and nausea were under control. I found the office with just a cup of coffee and started my day. Somehow, I read the emails, Slack updates, and news to stuff my head with what is happening today.

With only one cup of coffee imbibed–risky, I performed the usual shower and dressing tasks. I thought of a Christmas present (inbound Kramers!) and spent extra time ordering some to be delivered. I grabbed my Nike laptop, climbed into Air Volvo, and headed to the Nike WHQ Swift building, running late.

I arrived on time (wondering if I had used the TARDIS controls) and had time to acquire breakfast from the buffet. I do wonder some days what IT would do without catering. There seems to be a cosmic connection between testing and fixing software and bacon, at least at Nike SAP-based systems.

Pelting my fellow project and Core ERP folks with snowball-like fluffies was enjoyable. They had little fires (carefully watched by the catering folks) to make smores. I kept mine to just toasted. A nice party!

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Tuesday started with me waking at 6AM with my alarm and rolling over for another thirty minutes, which only seemed a moment. Before, I woke twice to prove hydration in the early morning and could sleep afterward. So, I did get some sleep.

I stayed up again after I finished the blog on Monday night. I erased my old Apple computer, the 13″ M1, so others could acquire it. I worked on that beyond 11PM. Also, on Sunday, I did some model work after writing the blog until after 11PM. I plan to build a model of my father’s, Bob Wild, US destroyer. But DD-840, USS Glennon, was updated in the 1950s with a better firing control system and dropped other WW2 items like the two racks of depth charges. I will need to incorporate that in my 1/700 (small) models, as they match a destroyer from 1945. I was also looking at etched brass to improve the models from plain plastic to detailed ones using the finer detail of brass. I have done this in my recent model building (but I did not finish the newest models as I lost focus when other events happened).

So tired from staying up late two nights in a row, I found my slippers, slid into them, and rediscovered how to put on my robe–this is not usually a voyage of discovery. This all screamed, “Coffee!” I located the kitchen and, from a distant memory, remembered how to create coffee in my cup from my French Press and Equal Exchange coffee. The taste of liberal in the morning helped to restore me. With this magical brew, I made a plate of Whole Foods baked goods (the last piece) and a not-yet-black banana. So supplied with provisions, I could continue my day alert and fed.

I quickly ate, sipped the too-hot coffee, read emails and updates, and then read the news. I was trying to slam all this information into my caffeine-demanding brain to prepare for the status and process meetings all morning. Next, I rushed to the shower and did everything to be dressed and presentable at the WHQ Swift Building.

Aside: It was PJ day at Swift for the holidays. I do not own the Christmas outfit–that would be a lot of felt! Many folks were in PJs and colorful.

Air Volvo was quick in getting me to Swith without incident. I did notice on the way in that the old farm of the Baseline Belgium Horse Farm was being redeveloped into something, likely apartments. I miss the horses.

Arriving in time to grab some fruit from the breakfast spread, ignoring the baked goods and bacon, I soon sat in the atrium doing hours of meetings. These Zoom meetings went on for some time. I then worked on a few new items, talked to my boss about the new work, and continued to have a low-stress and nearly boring day.

This is good, as we are in the middle of a software install and huge data conversion. Boring is good.

I headed home at 4:30ish and rested a bit.

Next, I found the Trader Joe’s Taco Spice (you use 1/2 a packet ?!) and fried ground beef with a can of diced tomatoes. I heated the taco shells from a box with Mexican-styled shredded cheese inside the shells. Lastly, I over-stuffed the cheesy shells with the spicy meat and tomato mix, with lettuce and sour cream, making them decadent tacos. I ate too many while watching the old (1975) classic Doctor Who with the Fourth Doctor, “The Pyramids of Mars.” I like the storyline and the problem of facing a god-like evil power. It gives me some ideas for stories, but it is definitely an acquired taste and not recommended ($4.99 for all four episodes on Apple–the price hinting at the fading glory of the show).

Afterward, I helped Dondrea with a theme for Theology Pub the next day at 7ish. I wrote the blog and hope no little night project will slip into tonight.

Just a few items…

I spoke to my family member in the ER, and there are many follow-ups. The symptoms are reduced. Better.

I tried to take the old Mac to Best Buy to have the microphone repaired. Since I did not buy it from there, it was no good. I will have to try Apple or send it on without the repair.

Last night, as I headed back from Wildwood, the air was dry and cold, and the smell of burning wood and the perfume of fresh pine from the trees was in the air. It seemed so Christmas for the Pacific Northwest.

It was a sunny day. There were blue skies! We started to dry out! We discovered, we did not know this, that when the sunsets, it is blinding in the Nike WHQ Swift building’s atrium. Yes, we did not notice until today, the first non-gray day in weeks!

Thanks for reading.

Monday is a work-from-home day, and I suffered some discomfort all morning. I was thinking I was reacting to the diabetes or my blood pressure medications, but no, I was constipated. Yes, many people have accused me of being full of it, but today I was. This was the cork and champagne effect I experienced before. I am also unusually sleepy today, but as I have worked every day since 27Nov; this is not a surprise. There is no rest-and-recover yet. But I expect the hours will lighten up after this week as our team’s data conversions will be complete. This weekend and the next ones should be easier.

I rose before 7ish and looked at my slippers for a while (I fell back to sleep sitting), but the alarm went off, scaring me, and I started my day. I found the kitchen, which had not moved, and followed the ritual from hence coffee comes. There is no bell, book, and candle but liberal coffee from Equal Exchange. I was happy to find the bananas were not black, and the ants had not located the remains of the cream cheese baked product from Whole Foods. I assembled this onto a plate and carried it into the home office. One tiny ant appeared and was using, I imagined, flashlights to place the food at a convenient gate for ants to board my breakfast. The ant did not survive the process, and there was no boarding process.

After logging in to all the computers, mine and Nike’s, I started reading emails, Slack channel updates, and online news like CNN, New York Times, and BBC News. Once I understood what was happening at work and the world, I retrieved a cup of coffee from the office.

The status and process meetings lasted two hours until I had a break. I then spent some time with my colon and following along at work. Lunch was a Trader Joe’s frozen dinner of Chicken Tikka. It’s excellent and small. I heat in the oven, not in the microwave, as I think it works better.

I decantedly do not dress until the afternoon. I am dressed and ready at 2PM for the next meeting. I also did some work on my new stuff. But I am sleepy and still nauseous, and I enjoy more time with the colon. Finally, I started to feel better. I do the last status meeting at 4:35.

I was ready to end my day, but I received a text that a family member was in the ER with heart issues in Michigan. I was packing and alerting folks at work I might be on the next plane to Lansing, Michigan. I had a one-way trip for $268 picked out. I got the dishes done and the small pile the house elves missed in the sink running in the dishwasher. The laundry was collected and washed. My bags were filled with the necessities for a trip. But this was unnecessary, and the family member was fine. A potent reminder that it is good to be ready.

Now just a few items.

I also called Leta today, and she was happy, I think, to begin the process of returning to her home. She will need some in-home care. I hope being home will accelerate her recovery. Barb, her daughter, is back and helping with this. I am hopeful for Leta’s future.

For dinner, I ordered Chinese from Door Dasher, salt and pepper squid with hot and sour soup, and crab puffs. I could not focus on making dinner while I thought I was headed to Michigan. The food was great, and once the emergency ended, I even tasted it.

I then rested with the blankets pulled up, feeling cold, shaking, and miserable. Too much. I heard Susie say, “Mind if I join you?” in my sleep. I made room for her momentarily, returned a pillow, and then woke when someone slammed a car door outside. I was still cold, sleepy, and uneasy, but I got out of bed.

I unboxed my Air Force Ones, newly purchased last week and never worn, boarded Air Volvo, and headed to Wildwood Taphouse in the dark Oregon Mist. There I am, having lighter beers so as not to self-medicate. I am feeling better.

Thanks for reading.