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I woke at 7ish and dragged for twenty minutes until finally heading into the home office. It was still black outside as the sky was full of clouds full of the atmospheric rain river, letting us enjoy a sudden two inches of rain overnight. As the sun rose, I could see the dry puddle in the backyard was filled and now a pond reaching a new depth. I was tempted to sail a model boat in it but instead growled at it. Seeing that the water was not intimidated, I padded to the kitchen and made coffee. Tiny ants, likely floating in on small boats–a little D-Day landing, had found the kitchen, but I had sealed everything, and their scouts were summarily executed as spies. I made coffee and eyed the unclean dishes in the sink (house elves must be on strike again).

The work Zoom meetings had started, and my coffee was not ready for the start, but I could slip out when the defects being reviewed were not ours and get my freshly made coffee. I added a slice of baked goods, carefully resealed the bag, and a banana; I carried all of this back to the office. An enemy spy was detected on my hand, hitching a ride from the kitchen, and faced the same end as its fellow scouts! You would think the ants would just drown!

The Zoom meetings continued until 9, and I followed along with some issues until the early afternoon. I reheated the last of the pasta and had that for lunch. I did the dishes (the house elves still missing), cleaned the kitchen, and ran the dishwasher. I finally showered and dressed, enjoying being in my night clothes, robe, and slippers until the afternoon.

The data conversions and other items ran all day, and while it was about the same excitement as watching paint dry, when you make the paint, the drying is important to you! I followed along until about 3PM when my official shift ended.

Mariah and I connected by text, and we agreed to meet for a holiday dinner at BJ’s. I also connected with Corwin and picked him up at 5:30 to join us. I gave Corwin a spare copy of Susie’s father’s book, The Alaska Psychoactive Mushroom Handbook, for Christmas–I am sure Susie would want him to have one.

At BJ’s, I had the prime rib Sunday dinner. I called Leta today, and she said she had overeaten at the buffet at The Willows. Leta looked better. I decided to do the Sunday dinner, so I’m off to BJ’s for prime rib! Mariah met us there and had a steak. Corwin did the pasta with extra meatballs. A feast. We split my “pazooke” dessert (one of Susie’s favs) three ways.

We talked about traveling and mushrooms (Corwin’s hobby) and how to get past people who have let us down. It was a good chat, and everyone left, full of food, happy to see each other, and a nice chat.

Mariah and Corwin are concerned about my brain scan on the 14th related to my hearing loss on my left side. I am not expecting any bad news, as I would have other symptoms if it was a severe issue. This is the usual medical test to dispel any doubts.

Air Volvo dropped Corwin off with his new book at his house and returned me to the Volvo Cave. I returned to the home office and began to write this blog. Like most folks working in IT for an American multinational, my discipline is strong, and I still find recording my day part of a sacred voyage.

I am sad this Sunday early evening as I miss my weekends with Susie. I sat in her room with her on Sundays until Anessa left and Lewis made dinner. If Susie was sleepy, I would write the blog there. I miss those comfortable, quiet afternoons with her more than I expected. In the future, once the weekends are back (no longer working the weekends), I will have to find that peace again.

Thanks for reading.

I am writing this on a damp Sunday. The most water I have seen this year overnight, with the backyard corner now a pond and the base of the new rose almost covered. I have seen this much water before, but seeing it again this morning was a surprise. I am working through my second weekend for the project.

I started dragging myself out of bed yesterday at 7:30 and discovered that the coffee fairy did not deliver. I, therefore, made coffee and grabbed a banana and a slice of a Whole Foods breakfast-baked product. I hauled these goodies to the office and did my usual reading of emails and Slack updates to prepare for the meetings. I also copied part of the findings from my team when the Zoom meetings started into the chat for everyone to see–it helped.

For the morning, I was busy with status and following along. While details from the shoe company don’t belong here, I was mostly helping with communication.

For lunch I defrosted a pound of maple pork breakfast sausages. I used water and a pan in the sink to defrost–going old school. The sausages were then placed in a glass pan and backed at 350F (177C) for about an hour (I cook them until they start to brown). This cooked while I worked. At 1PMish, I poached two eggs in the water with some vinegar and salt. I had toast with this from store-bought bread. An excellent breakfast for lunch. I saved the extra cooked sausage for another breakfast.

I followed along at work. I showered during the morning (I don’t remember when). The emergencies settled, and the afternoon was quiet. I finished working at about 4PM.

I found myself getting sad. My jaw locked (I did not notice until later when it started to hurt), and I felt myself one step from crying. I did not know then what was wrong.

I called Leta, Susie’s mother, and she was happier, had a few visitors, and was getting more of her fingers to work. The swelling is no longer a concern; at least, Leta did not mention it. She said the cherry pie was good, which made her happy. Barb, Leta’s daughter, and Gordon (Barb’s husband) missed a connection and are spending an unscheduled day at Schiphol Airport in the Netherlands. Last I heard, they were getting some rest in a provided hotel room.

Aside: I have had some excitement at Schiphol over the years. I had some close connections–the place is huge and full of corridors and doors (in some places, there are doors in the middle of open space–leftover from some remodel), and I don’t enjoy rushing through it. On long connections, you often walk miles to the next gate only to walk back for food or a gate change. Most information is provided in English and other languages. Susie’s last adventure there went well, and the wheelchair person loaded us even on the train to Amsterdam. I did push Susie in the roller walker through Amsterdam on the brick sidewalks, switching with Corwin when I used my phone to find the hotel back in 2019.

I nearly called off playing board games as the sadness was almost overwhelming. Instead, I made a salad for dinner, adding blue cheese, stuffed olives, and grape leaf-wrapped rice (dolmades or dolmas) to make it special. Memories of Istanbul and travel opportunities came to mind while I ate. I did watch another Battleship New Jersey video on the use of cement on warships. I suggested we play the Dune Imperum board game, which was quickly accepted. I watched a How-to-Play video to be ready.

I left the dishes for Sunday (the house elves did not get to them), and despite feeling sad and my jaw locked, I took Air Volvo into the dark rain. The Saturday night trip included stopping at Trader Joe’s to get some treats for the holiday. I got a bottle of the pope’s wine (the popes are gone in France, but their vineyards are still there). The wine is excellent and, at $20, cheap for quality imported wine. I got some chocolate-covered pretzels (I’m forgetting Richard does not like sweat stuff). With these goodies, I headed to Portland by Air Volvo.

The traffic, slow from the rain and darkness (though you would think Portland drivers would be used to this by now), kept moving, and I arrived a few minutes early. I supplied the goodies. Soon, Richard, Chris, Shawn, and I refreshed our memory on how to play. We set up, and I did not fall behind in Dune until the last few turns. I was in last place with Chris, Richard, and Shawn all tying and then using Spice as the tiebreaker, and Shawn won. Chris skipped up five points in his play–impressive.

Dune Imperum is a Euro-styled resource management and worker placement game wrapped in the Dune theme. One of the complaints I have read is that the theme vanishes in the play, and I agree. I have not played the add-ons, but Shawn (an expert at the game) says the add-ons bring the game closer to the theme. I tried to win the first battles, and Shawn and Richard beat me every time. Later, the battles are worth more points. My fault was trying to do too many things each turn and spreading myself out too much. The other players focused a turn on just one objective or two at the most. I still think it is a good game, and I look forward to playing it again with the expansions.

Losing did not improve my sadness, and I did not want to cry and upset my fellow gamers. It was not about the game, so I left early before the second board game, which looked more like my style (not Euro). I was nearly sobbing; the rain was heavy, and the puddles and roads were filling with water. I was relieved that the huge “space shuttle” ramp (higher than the bridge roadway) was not flooded (nothing like a five-story tall ramp with a puddle). Air Volvo got me home safe. I decided to get a shake and fries from McDonald’s on the way home to help–comfort food. I started to sob while driving–never happened before. Home safe, the dark cloud of grief lifted some.

Then, I remembered that Saturdays were when I would spend the afternoon with Susie, and I was reacting to not spending the day (or half a day) with Susie, and I was missing that. The hole in my weekend (and my heart) was not visiting Susie. My mind wanted to spend a comfortable day in the rocking chair in Susie’s room, watching shows, listening to music, or just hanging out. Maybe a spin around Metzger Park. I missed the pleasant time with my wife. I was missing my now-lost life of visiting Susie.

I understood the problem now, and the grief, while still there, lightened.

I watched the Doctor Who special, Giggle, and can’t say I liked it. I thought it strange, not cannon, and I’m not sure whether a dance routine replaced a chase scene or a battle was an improvement. I will watch it again and see if it was just my mood, but I don’t think so.

I was tired and went to bed. Sleep game slow. I woke up a few times and did not rest well.

I am glad I recognized the issue and will be more mindful of the causes of sadness. I can feel it returning as I used to spend most Sunday afternoons with Susie. As I said, I will be practicing self-care these weekends.

Thanks for reading.

 

I decided to write this on Saturday morning while I work from my home office. I am mostly filling in here and there and covering some leadership items.

Going backward, as this is easier for me to remember, I ended the night watching the old series The Magicians while baking a new holiday circle loaf recipe from King Arthur Flour. It did not go as well as I had hoped, and I will change to using the puffy cinnamon rolls recipe and just replace the filling. I think it works better, and soft and puffy rolls are better than slicing a huge round bread-like loaf (the presentation is better, I will admit). Still, I liked the flavor, but I would add more fruit next time.

I ignored my hobbies, paperwork, and other things and went slow for Friday night. I also did not want to head to a tap house and play a board game against myself; it seemed more like self-medicating. Instead, I just did the dishes and the laundry and made a salad for dinner. I had the leftover cold streak, thinly sliced, from a couple of days ago to add, plus some nice exotic olives stuffed with blue cheese to make the salad special.

Next time, I will reheat the steak in a frying pan to get it hot. I am also thinking of getting another NY strip and cooking again (rare this time) and using that to decorate my salads. I will have only a 1/4 of the steak for dinner and save the rest for later use.

Before this, I resisted finding dinner to-go or sit-down and picked up some missing items for the house. I ran out of all-purpose flour, and following Jack’s recommendation, I picked up Red Mill’s locally produced unbleached all-purpose flour at the ridiculous price of $2 for a five-pound bag–nearly sold out. I could grab a few items I forgot in the last run (toothpaste, eggs, and cleaning supplies). I am hoping to get organized enough to order and have it delivered. I hate the time sink of buying groceries.

Friday is a work-from-home day, so I followed along and did all the status and update Zoom meetings from my home office. It was the usual work. I reheated the pasta and meat sauce I made a few days ago (the Swedish meatballs had not aged well and sadly went to the trash–next time, I will toss the sauce instead of putting on the meatballs) for lunch. While eating, I watched more Battleship New Jersey and some of the ShipHappens YouTube channels.

At the shoe company, we had some breaks in the data conversions, so I was following closely and reporting some status here and there. Work also included reading and approving designs and fixes. Just helping to keep things moving.

Aside: I nearly struck this next paragraph as it made me cry hard after writing it. I am sorry if it is too emotional and retells a story already told on 13Oct2023. Please skip it if it is too much.

I did cry a few times, as often happens in moments of peace; my memories of Susie’s passing returned (it was a hard moment), and I wanted some other ending. After Susie’s passing, there were various procedures, and then Susie’s remains were washed, dressed, and prepared to travel. For Susie’s last voyage, she carried her hat, wore her best Halloween clothing, held her stuffed animal Bunny and her black cowboy hat, and also a rose in her hands from a dozen I brought the day before. It is a lovely last image and sad for me. Even the funeral people commented that they seldom see such love and care–Thanks, Jennifer and family from Alliegence Senior Care! The funeral folks played Moody Blues; they asked for favorite music when carrying Susie–Susie left with the “Cosmic Rocker.” I am trying to focus on the memories of early times with Susie and all the good times. It is hard in those quiet moments to find them. 

Returning to the narrative, the morning started at 7ish, with me rising before my alarm and seeing the Oregon Mist had stopped us from drying out, but the rains had halted. The puddles are dry. We did see the cold, starry sky the night before, but the fog and mist only hinted at blue behind them. I made liberal coffee and found a slice of baked goods and a banana for breakfast.

Thanks for reading. Sorry if I range from boring to sad–it is where I am right now.

 

 

December 7th, the day of the Pearl Harbor attacks, is always in the American conciseness. The day was always called out when I was a child as a day to remember the attack and the losses, and now when I hear the date, December 7th, I always first think of the attack on Pearl Harbor. It is a baby boomer (I am from the last year of this classification) thing.

I had a busy day and did not get home until late, and instead of staying up late and writing the blog, I slept. I am writing on Friday morning between work items. It will make for a broken writing style and only focus on the important items from Thursday. My usual narrative requires me to compose. Today, it will be a staccato-like process of writing.

It was a work-from-office day, Thursday, and I was up early and only made coffee as I had breakfast waiting for me in the office. The morning was cold, and a slight wind from the desert felt sharp and fresh. Here, our winds can run East to West when the cold, heavy air runs down the Columbia Gorge, spills over the low hills on the gorge, and freezes us. We can even get freezing air in the valley with warm air above, creating dangerous sleet and ice storms from the usual rains.

Today, it stayed above freezing, and the Oregon Mist returned, often preventing us from drying out. Still, the high waters receded, including the water in my backyard, which had disappeared by Friday morning. Coats and hats for the day.

I skipped the provided lunch at the Swift building at Nike WHQ and headed to Serena Williams Building for lunch. I packed up, boarded Air Volvo, and flew to Nike WHQ New York City garage, never full, and de-Volvo’d on the third floor. I took the elevator to the B1, not 1, as B1 is strangely on the ground floor–the garage is built on a hill.

I walked across the damp Nike WHQ using the brick-lined path through the trees between all the buildings. It is my favorite walk. Today, my legs are tired, and while my foot is not as sore, it is still hard to walk at length, but I fight through the cramps and arrive with Scott waiting for me at Serena Williams. The Oregon Mist has scaled up to rain. While traversing the WHQ, I see many orange Nike-supplied umbrellas and many folks dressed for summer looking wet and miserable. Makes you want to call out, “it is Oregon, not LA.”

Scott and I have the salad bar and use the new self-service terminal for weighing our salads. Emily, the previous cashier, self-introduces, and I smile and reciprocally introduce myself. Apparently, Emily is now responsible for assisting with the check-out, and I can see the pride Emily takes in the promotion.

Aside: I struggled not to assign Emily a pronoun in the above paragraph, but I stuck to my convention of only using pronouns when given permission.

Lunch was relaxed, and we talked a lot about work. I will try to take on a new item for work. We spoke of many items that cannot be covered here. The Oregonian has an article on layoffs at Nike, and I cannot comment on it.

After a nice lunch, I headed home in Air Volvo, but first, I got another painful but productive walk across Nike WHQ with the rain now and folks wearing coats and some hats. I lost my favorite hat, so I am using the moss green felt hat that is slightly large for me. The rain is easier to live with once you have a cowboy hat, gloves, and a warm coat. The Nike Manchester United scarf helps keep my neck and throat warm–ManU is now with another company, but the swoosh looks great in ManU colors! A keepsake for me.

Air Volvo has fewer puddles to face, and I am soon working from home. I have to leave for Dondrea’s house at about 4:30. We have tickets for the holiday play in Portland at The Armory: Dracula. Yes, and a special feminist version. I also made baggies of Triskets and sliced cheese as a snack as we would not have time for dinner and to make the show.

Air Volvo was slowed by Beaverton’s usual traffic mess on a Thursday night. School is also out on Friday, so the drivers are showing that extra “OMG, the kids are free–what will we do” stress. It is also dark and wet, not improving the local slow and imaginative driving skills. I am happy to arrive, intact, at Dondrea’s place on time.

Dondrea and I pick up Z at school. Dondrea takes a back-roads attack on reaching Portland as the routing software reports the highways are clogged. We managed to get to Portland an hour early and parked in the Pearl District underground garage. We consumed the cheese, crackers, and sliced apples that Dondrea supplied. Z, having had more equipment installed on her teeth, was eating with difficulty and had decided to starve. With some prodding, Z was convinced to try again and managed some food.

We toured Powell’s City of Books, and I escaped without more books acquired. Mainly because I did not want to carry them into the theater. Joshua Weissman has a new cookbook, and Powell’s has signed copies. Oh my! Weissman’s last cookbook was one of the best I have read, and I did sit down and read 1/4 of it right after I bought it while drinking beers at Van Eberts: An Unapologetic Cookbook. Not many cookbooks change my thinking and focus–this one did. Strongly recommended. The new cookbook continued excellent and easy recipes to make great food. If you want an online version of Joshua, try his YouTube channel. Excellent!

Z, Wild, Dondrea at the theater.

We headed to The Armory and the pre-show talk. We learned the building was a few years older than the publication date of Dracula (the original play and book). While I cannot recommend the original book, as it seems to be a contrived and artificial narrative, I can recommend the play versions. This is my third or fourth take, and each play has been by different playwrights reworking Bram Stoker’s original. I also watch many of the 200 movies, and my favorite line to compare is, “I never drink wine.” Bela Lugosi is still the best at that line–that line was not in this revision, which focused on a feminist revenge angle.

The play was a discussion in many ways about being victims and how to resist the stereotypes and stop accepting the status quo. The creature Dracula was no longer an aristocrat but a cult leader and a parasitic infection. He planned to dominate and enslave the world; with its treatment of women in the 1800s, the world was ripe for him to hide in plain sight and take what he wanted. The women in the play are successful against Dracula when they no longer accept the illusion of choice and think and act in their best interest. The character Mrs. Renfield flavored the play with long, rambling proclamations that set the tone and explained the actions of Dracula and his now-inhuman servants. Lucy was “not to Dracula’s taste” as she seemed to think clearly and act (though she often needed to be prompted)–clear and free thinking inoculated her from Dracula. Van Helsing was played as a woman with all the obvious 1800s dismissals of women. In the play, Van Helsing enables Lucy and Dr. Seward to act finally and provides the words and instruments to conclude the play. There is an epilogue and a warning with Lucy taking a stake from Van Helsing to be ready to resist false choices.

It’s an excellent play, Kate Hamill’s adaptation, and I recommend it. I would suggest looking out for Hamill’s other works.

We left, reached the car, and headed to Virginia Cafe. We discovered that it is not a food joint but a bar, and no minors are allowed. All the other open locations were bars. Sadly, no food places are staying open late in the Pearl. Deschutes Brewery, across from The Armory, closes at 9:30–before the play ends. That the brewery sponsored the play is a bit ironic.

Dondrea drove to Sherri’s, which is open to 2AM online, but it too was closed. We found a McDonald’s that could make us some burgers to enjoy in the car. They did not have ice cream, shakes, or french fries and closed at 11. No wonder the art scenes and food places are failing in Portland and Beaverton! I did see that a few spots are open until midnight in Beaverton. Next time.

After our failed attempt at a good dinner, we returned to Dondrea’s, and I took Air Volvo back to the Volvo Cave. The trip, with the Oregon Mist back, was without flooding–almost a surprising experience. I went right to bed on de-Volvo-ing.

 

 

 

Going backward, this was a usual day, and likely this will be a story today. It is 8ish, and I am writing the blog. Before this, I took a short nap and fell into a deep sleep while reading about the Battle of Jutland. I had made dinner: fettuccini pasta from a box, cooked al dente, a red sauce from a bottle from Whole Foods, and a pound of sweet Italian-style sauce fried just before turning crunchy and broken up into bits. My fav. I had a few small bowls, but most of it went into a glass storage dish (thanks, Glenda and Gene) for another day. This also helped me sleep, I am sure.

I watched the fourth season of The Magicians–I bought the last two seasons when the show was running. I used to watch them a second time after seeing them on cable with Susie. This was before you could replay episodes on cable. I forgot how much I liked the later seasons of the show.

The rains have slowed and stopped, with the stars showing tonight. The backyard at the Volvo Cave is flooded about five inches. There are many puddles around the house. There is light flooding all over the Beaverton Area. There are reports that coastal cities suffered more damage and serious flooding. Here, it is just damp, and the waters are receding.

I cried a few times today. The grief slides into the quiet moments. For example, I was sitting near all the Christmas decorations at work, and soon, I was teared up about missing Susie. She would have loved the look and loved attending parties at Nike. The holiday party is next week. The worst is when you see something you would buy or share with the person you lost, only to remember again that they are passed. Grief then slams into you.

I have decided to make no significant or life-changing decisions until six months after Susie’s death. April 13th, to be specific. This is just before my 60th birthday, and I may, at least, go on holiday for my birthday.

I was at the office early in the afternoon, did some status meetings, and talked to my boss about new work. It was a usual day, and lunch was provided for the software testing folks and their support (us). It was a Mediterranean-style food with falafel and chicken as protein options. I passed on the pita bread (remembering my A1C), but the spicy garlic sauce was excellent. I had too much coffee and will be more careful now–I was shaky in the morning and early afternoon.

Before this, I started my day at 6AM after a disturbed sleep. I made coffee (I drank all of this and more from an urn at work–mistake) and sliced some baked goods (a smaller slice) to go with my banana. I read the emails, Slack channel updates, and the news to prepare for my day.

As the sun rose, I saw the flooded backyard deep in water. The gutters by my office window were blocked and were more waterfall than gutter. After showering, dressing, and putting on my new electric blue Air Zoom shoes, I went outside. The wetness in the grass filled my shoes. As I walked on the lawn, the water ran through the grass, into my shoes, and then accumulated in the low corner of my backyard. I went to work in wet shoes, my new coat, and my spare brown hat that Corwin often used. My new waterproof coat was covered in shiny drops, and my wool hat was spotted with wetness.

My coat hung over my chair at work and dripped onto the floor. I ignored my wet feet. I spent the morning in status meetings.

I called The Willows and talked to the social worker, and they are now checking on Leta, Susie’s mother. I spoke to Leta, and she was feeling better but was frustrated with the paperwork issues. The Willow’s evaluation of her status was far from correct, and she will have to appeal it. This is familiar to me with my adventures with Susie and I hope we can get things better without more frustration.

Well, that is about it for today. I am off to a late night with Dondrea and Z in Portland tomorrow. We are going to the Center Stage: The Armory for their version of Dracula. More on that tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.