Day 191: Tuesday Sad

It is hard to imagine that we have been locked down for so long.

I am sad this evening.

The Covid-19 disaster continues to go on. I see that the politic of denying the tragedy and the rejecting of the other disaster of climate change. For me, I cannot grasp the illogic of racism that is so strong in my country. I also can no longer be tricked by the illusion of equality that I believed most of my life–we, I, need to do better. All of this crashes down on me once in a while. Today is one of those days.

I think it helps me to recall why I am writing.

I hope the reader knows I try to be entertaining while writing and sharing my adventures of trying to make it through the crazy that is another day in the lockdown. I like to joke that this is the “unoccupied Greater Portland” when looking at the politics that is my reality in Oregon. I try to find the focus or the fog each day and record it and share this nugget of life. But, it is hard today; the focus is sharp today, and it hurts a bit.

I hope each day to tell the story of the lockdown as experienced in my tiny corner of Greater Portland that somehow has become an attractor of disaster. Chaos Theory has gone weird! What could be next?

There is meaning, I believe, to write each day what happened, including what was for lunch and dinner, and how many died. I mean to witness their deaths by stating the count. Each night I try to find some music that might bring solace to another day of loss.

Today I write with tears. I will not apologize or ask for solace because of the tears. They help.

This morning started with a strange dream. I had left Nike and returned to my previous job working on old boat-anchor terminals (if you have worked on old IBM 5250 terminals or had to carry one–you understand their size and weight) on the old IBM computer systems. Everyone was happy to see me. It seems, remember, dream logic is not that logical, because the cure for the Covid-19 virus, global warming, Trump, and all the other problems of the world was to change everything back to the 1980s. Yes, we all returned to the “safer” times of the cold-war and old computer systems, and I was again in Washington DC as a System/36 RPGII programmer. No Internet. No social media. In the dream, as one of the few people who could code on old IBM equipment, I was welcomed back to my old job on K Street with enthusiasm. I sat down at an off-white IBM terminal that went buzz a lot crowded on a table with a poor chair–the IBM terminals did not fit in the cubicles. I started to create a data definition (don’t ask; it is old stuff you will never need to know) when a noise outside blessedly released me from 1988–Reagan is president in my dream.

I was awakened from reinventing 1988 by my neighbors poorly backing up a vehicle at 5:45ish. I put on my robe and went outside to see people in the dark, incorrectly backing up a trailer and finally leaving after 15 minutes of this. They missed Air Volvo, my car is parked in the driveway, by two feet. My neighbors say, “Sorry,” when he sees me and leaves. I was not awake enough to roll-my eyes.

So my first meeting is at 7AM, and I was out yesterday. I have a backlog of email and my day is meeting and Zoom rich. I clear what I can that is not useful, make promises to get to some of the items, and prepare to face the day of Zooming.

I slipped in some work during the status meetings. I have seen a few slots that have opened on my schedule, but I plan to take a break and walk and read, so I work the status meetings.

I manage to pay attention and work and clear the backlog by late morning, at least the things I know about. I got some more meetings planned at the end of the day from directors.

I slipped out for a walk between meetings. I am stiff–my legs just seem to not work right, and my waistline is getting the virus extension; more exercise is an apparent cure.

Lunch was a tuna fish sub from Subway with two bags of chips, an extra bag for Susie–she loves a salty snack. It was ten bucks for the sub, three bucks for chips, and seven bucks to deliver. It seemed extravagant for tuna fish, but I love tuna fish, and Susie is allergic to fish, so I can only get it once in a while.

I had a few more hours of meetings and then a break before I hit the last two director scheduled meetings.

I have found a new delightful book, Yes, Chef, that I highly recommend. Since Anthony Bourdain passed, I have avoided chef books, but this one is just fun so far.

I talked to the insurance company, Allstate, today. Apparently, if my house is not to local building code when they go to rebuild it from some disaster, I have to pay for the upgrade to code. Today I agreed to pay the extra $33 dollars a year to get this covered by my insurance. I have no comment on this–I thought it was a given. Now I am covered. Yea are warned!

Susie got going late, and Corwin and Susie had to get her coffee, water, and breakfast. I was on an hour of Zoom calls looking at designs and giving my input, so I could not help Susie this afternoon.

As often happen, I was given almost no time to decide if I would agree to a technical solution. Luckily I was involved in these technologies as they were brought to Nike a few years ago. I can usually agree and get it over. And I do.

Finishing work, I make dinner by using my own taco seasoning. I looked up what the Internet suggested and managed to make a decent taco. Shells are from a box.

I finally had time to catch up on one of my new favs. I watched the next episode of Lovecraft County and was surprised by the content. It was a sexy horror story set in the middle of the Korean War. None of this is from the book, but again the story worked for me. Furthermore, if you are ready for Hollywood styled Lovecraft horror set in the 1950s from a black family perspective, this is excellent.

I am still sad and tired of the battle, but it is another day, and victory is just to get to the next day.

Today we declare that we are the witness to more than nine-hundred sixty people whose suffering of the virus ended today. We wish them, their caregivers, and their people peace.

I found this and thought America was a good ending for today. 

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