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The adherence to process, the careful understanding of the process, and just getting the through things done brought me to 1/2 through cycle 1 of chemotherapy.

Thanks, dear reader, for supporting me all these days. And for those occasional readers, thank you too.

On re-reading, this sounds more like my Howard character than my own experiences, but this is really how I actually think.

So far, I have had no permanent loss of dexterity, but extreme cold sensitivity is still there, and I am careful to monitor my toes. And yes, they all work.

I am getting up now, usually after many trips to the bathroom, proving my good hydration, around 9:30ish. Stealing a few hours more of morning luxuriating sleep.

I dress slow, and instead of my usual rushed morning of so many years working for the shoe company, I instead go slow and a bit unsteady.

This Thursday morning (yesterday), I had a bagel with butter and anti-nausea meds. I have to pick every morning as the drugs cause drowsiness and multiply their effect. Not a normal response, but I know my body, and it will put me out for the day if I take them together. So it is anti-nausea today, and the anti-diarrhea pills will have to wait.

The bagel stays where I put it. “You have chosen wisely,” words seem to drift into my head.

I take my chemo drugs and most of my chemicals at 10s, 10AM, and 10PM. This makes planning easy. I have to eat within 30 minutes of the 10s. I am now eating smaller meals as that seems to settle better and prevents more drugs and options that I might not enjoy.

I am usually a morning person starting at some dark hour and then rushing into the day excited by all the possibilities. Now, I glide a bit into the afternoon, finding it is 11AM before I am ready for that.

Thursday, I discovered that my two previous days of discomfiture had me miss that I have no clean clothes. Rev. Anne Weld-Martin called me and offered a lift to see Susie in Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A, but I had a sequence error. So I first needed to be dressed, and that meant doing laundry. So I had to forgo Anne’s kind offer and instead wait for the laundry process.

I need a distraction now, and thus, Mariah’s recommendation, I turned to HBOMax and found the show Miracle Worker. I don’t usually do comedies, but one set on God and angels and the end-of-the-world just gets me. All staring well-meaning young people, perfect. I loved it, and it distracted me while I waited, it seemed forever, for laundry.

I will admit I finished one season on Thursday, something I never do. So recommended, and you will know if this show is for you in one episode.

I dressed and enjoyed the newly clean clothing, and I managed to get ready and headed out in Air Volvo. I did not want to take any anti-nausea meds, as these drugs make driving complex. Thus, I drove with the windows open and my mind focused on the task. Phone calls happened, and it was nice to chat to folks while going and thus ignore my other more, let’s call them profound feelings.

I reached the facility without incident, that is, without my fellow Oregonians demonstrating any unique use of cars and driving laws. My entrance was delayed by answering the questions that I had symptoms of chemotherapy that overlap Covid-19 checks. The administrator ruled that I had no Covid-19 symptoms and thus could enter.

I was only there for a short time. Susie was awake and dressed with Rev. Anne Weld-Martin, and Susie spoke clearly and was very happy to finally see me after a two-day absence. But, of course, I put on gloves, as I cannot expose folks even to my hands as I am aswarm with chemo. So Susie got to hold my gloved hands for about twenty or so minutes.

I started to fade fast, and the mask was not improving my building nausea. I am usually a fan of N95 masks, and they never bother me until that day.

I forgot to take a pic, and I did not call Leta, and I suddenly needed to leave. So maybe next time it will be easier.

Anne follows me home in her car as I am pale and challenged now. I manage to have no events, no emergency auto-pilot items start on Air Volvo, reach home, collapse into my chair, and grab an anti-nausea med before things worsen.

Dinner and later dinner are cottage cheese. Something I love and can quickly get down. I watched the rest of season one of Miracle Worker; it fades a bit, but still is a good show.

Bed calls, and I manage to sleep after reading more. Better.

The day started with me up late and very uncomfortable. I had slept a bit but was up and down all night. I was tired, and my tummy hurt, and well, it was just ridiculous.

So this will be a concise blog as I just slept and tried to feel better.

I did not dress but changed to clean clothes to sleep again later.

I watched the weather channel and the big storm hitting the center of the USA.

I did enjoy and highly recommend the Book of Boba Fett (which when I spell it looks like a cheese and shrimp place, but luckily I looked up the spelling!) episode 5-6. This is on Disney+ and finds its roots again with these events moving the Star Wars cannon forward. Most excellent!

I managed to order too much for dinner making myself worse, and now I am sticking to small meals as recommended by doc. The bloating and gas issues were spectacular.

Slipping into today, Sleep stopped at 4AM with me up and down for a while. I find it helpful to sleep in the chair and then rotate in the bed. I did this and found myself luxuriating to 10! Better!

Forgot to take photos, but staged this one for us today.

I enjoyed my new book, putting one I was reading on hold as it is too dark for me at the moment, The Bright Ages: A New History of Medieval Europe. One of the authors, David M. Perry, wrote up a response to the banning of Mauz and so I thought I should read his books–I promise to read Mauz after the chemo. So far, Mr. Perry’s book is one of the better Medieval histories I have read and matches my thoughts on how to read and tell history. Recommended. 

I am reading the book when the discomfort gets to me, or I awaken. I can read just by Kindle light (yes, I use an Amazon reading device). It is well written, and I also know this history, so I do not need to be laser-focused to understand the text.

I am still getting some cold effects in my fingers, and the chemo exhaustion gets me when I focus on a task. Frustrating.

I managed to check off another side-effect and made fast trips to the toilet. No failures. But, I have to clean the bathroom every time to prevent anyone from being exposed to chemo drugs. So, yes, bleach wipes and cleaning are part of my routine now!

Evan called me and asked me for any wisdom from my experience so far. Nope. Nada. It is just as I imagined. A low burn flu-like process in the belly with an occasional misery increasing event. The emotions are closer to the surface, and tears come easy, but they always have for me, but I can find a book or a Marvel movie to bring me out of the tears. And, then there is constantly cleaning the toilet to get one head back together. Practical stuff works to ground me.

So I learned to eat small bites, tedious, and watch the intake for my stressed tummy. I take the drugs when things go wrong; emergency runs to the toilet are over (for now).

Dry heaves did not happen for a while. So the bagel and coffee were good this Thursday morning.

A better start!

I am not feeling very good this Wednesday morning and will limit my writing. Also, I spent most of Tuesday being uncomfortable, so there is very little genuine interest to write about. I was expecting trouble for today, and I have it.

The morning started well enough. I did not have to get up early and take the steroids, so I managed to sleep a bit more. Although trying not to overshare, I used the bathroom every two hours. Apparently, I am staying hydrated! So I was a bit staggered by the lack of sleep.

No bees in my bloodstream from the steroids made everything feel a bit normal.

But I started to feel the exhaustion and the literal stagger tiredness I had read about. So I threw on some clothes and drove Corwin to work just down the street. I then called the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A, and let the nurses know I would not make it in today. So they will update Susie that I am not making it in.

I had a bagel for food at 10AM and then made instant mashed potatoes for lunch. I was in some discomfort and tried to rest or move or anything. Then, I got a call from the chemo doc assistant, and they were concerned that I was going to be constipated (I think I have reached that goal already) and gave me advice on what to do (actions taken).

I had dry heaves a few times, went back to the anti-nausea meds, and tried to rest. Just a totally miserable set of moments.

I got dressed, which always makes me feel better, and watched the Weather Channel. There is another storm hitting the country’s east.

More heaves and still no results that bring relief. Ugh!

Dinner is from Red Robin, and I used Martha Sayle’s GrubHub card again for that. I just got appetizers finger food, and that seemed to work. The food helped a bit, but the bloating then just got worse later.

So not a very happy day, and today, Wednesday, is not starting better. I will be calling the docs soon if it gets worse.

Wish I had a more happy message.

 

Starting with my current status this Tuesday morning. I have, as I planned, slept most of the morning–Day 5 has no steroids. I could not fall asleep until after 2ish as I had taken naps in the afternoon. I was not feeling right on Monday evening. I then was up all night putting back the water I drank. I am not sure how I could have drunk that much water, but I did get up every two hours until 9:30 this morning. So I am a bit tired, but I feel more like myself. Also, all the pain is gone, and there are no breathing issues. No need for a cane.

Returning to yesterday, Monday, I was up with only a few hours of sleep again to start at 6ish. I took the steroids and the anti-nausea meds, and I still had the bees running through my blood from the steroids. Some exhaustion was starting as the clocks on the walls were running too fast still for me. I managed to write most of the blog in the morning, but I was slowed down by the muscles in my hands not quite following the patterns I expected. I am hoping this will not get worse.

I threw on some clothes and drove Corwin to work at 11ish. I managed without issue, returned to the house, dressed, and got ready. I heated up Michelle Vondencamp’s soup for lunch, published the blog, and headed to see Susie at the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A.

Note: My German-made saw came today (Monday). I have no actual plans to use it soon, but my existing saw was not up to my standards. If you will use a handsaw then invest in a good one. It makes it all worth it. It is also more fun to feel the wood than to hear an electric saw. Also, the first aid for a mishap with the handsaw is much less than an electric one!

Returning to the story, I passed the entrance requirements and put on gloves. I am full of chemo and should not share it with anyone. Susie was having a good day; she was up previously and watched TV and chatted with the nurses. The mouth issues are gone, and Susie’s voice and speaking are better. A wonderful surprise.

We did a few FaceTimes with mom Guild, Leta, and David Smith. Susie was much more animated for the calls and managed a few sentences. I, on the other hand, was fading fast. So it was a short visit, but one to treasure.

After this, the exhaustion hit hard. My stomach was also not quite right; I suspect I have been pouring in the water while writing and doing other tasks. I often do not notice when I am doing tasks.

Linda Wild, my sister, delivered some Mexican-styled food for me, and we ordered a bit more from Corwin’s fav place. It was too much, but I had to eat a second dinner at 10, so this worked. Martha Sayles GrubHub card handled that purchase.

I spent the evening sleeping poorly and then chatting with Corwin about my thoughts that are really a sermon I was thinking about now, seeing that I have some contemplation hours available (or forced on me). I kind of mix the story of the 40-days in the wilderness, the Passion, and MLK’s last speech remembering MLK saying “I have heard” in his Mountaintop speech. Whether I will ever give the sermon is less interesting than the exercise of being able, still able, to think clearly. Poor Corwin got the first version.

I had that on my mind when trying to sleep, which undoubtedly prevented my sleep as I had given into the steroids, just buzzing like a bee. At 2ish, I got up and did some looking at the Internet. Enjoying the latest Trump news; he is always good for WTF and OMG moments no matter what side you are on.

I finally slept, waking every two hours to lighten the water content of my body. It was a pleasure to not wake up and start at 6AM.

 

 

As before, dear reader, I will cover my status this Monday morning. I managed to get some sleep as getting up at 6AM to take the steroids is working (I am also finally spelling “steroids” correctly instead of having Grammarly correct it every time). So, yes, all those perfect Oxford commas are not my work, but Grammarly following along. I feel better today, and the cane is less needed. Also, the winds came, and the Stagnate Air warning was gone, so my morning was not full of sinus and breathing issues. So better start this early morning. But, the extreme cold sensitivity is there; my hands are stiff, and my elbows hurt now. But, better start this morning.

Returning to the blog for Sunday, my hands shake slightly, and the cane is needed to move safely. I oversleep somewhat, and 6 is more like 6:30ish.

I am not for pillboxes and get out the bags of pills, now two different Ziplock bags, one for chemo-related and the other for daily pills, and find the required meds, reread the labels, and take the steroids and the anti-nausea drugs. I also grabbed an allergy med from the cupboard. The drug is over the counter, and that too has a drowsiness warning.

I managed to write more blogs this Sunday morning, but the coughing and sneezing and sudden tired feeling overwhelmed me in an hour, and I stopped. The chairs in the living room are not recliners, but it does not matter as sleep comes; the electric blanket (thanks to Aunt Kathy and Uncle Martin in Michigan) and just sitting there, and I am out for nearly two hours. I awake just in time for church.

This is our first streaming service. It is made more remarkable as thieves raided all the equipment last month (definitely a Grinch move) and then came back for seconds and grabbed the replacements. Also, I have heard rumors that many churches have been “Grinch-ed” last month. The church is now using its limited dollars to install security cameras and use active security people.

The streaming is good. The transitions were weak, and the use of stock video failed, but the sound was good, not consistent volumes, but that is easily managed by the viewer, and the video quality is perfect. All of this is on a YouTube link owned by the church. Not Zoom+ (thanks for not going that way), but real streaming. The multiple camera changes got better, the focus perfect, and the colors good. The music is not mixed well, but it was solid with one mic failing but quickly covered. Harold’s playing was clearly in the background and at about the right level. It will only improve with time, an excellent start.

The beginning of the sermon was lost to a sound issue, but this did resolve, and Andrew’s speech was good, well-spoken, and on message. Dondrea having a copy of the text for the lost stock video, saved the transitions. Overall a better effort than I have seen from most churches with Zoom+ that suffer worse focus and conductivity issues.

After that finished, next came lunch and Charlotte Jackson’s Clam Chowder that already had been lunch for me early in the week. I managed to get it into a large pot, and we cooked it all, and over the next few hours, we made it disappear. Also, the chocolate pudding pie she sent with it was consumed; chocolate is always welcome. I had to be careful with the cold dessert and ate one piece slowly with hot water.

The blog was seriously delayed now. Next, my meeting group for church, about five or six of us, covered prayer concerns and discussed the sermon at 1:30. They were happy to see me, even still in my messy hair and robe, carefully closed, and this did work as nobody had conductivity issues, but we did have the constant talking with the mute on issue. It was a lovely time, and since I watched the live sermon as I mentioned above (I just cannot manage a speech without visual clues that are most online sermons now), I could even reply back to the questions on the sermon.

I manage to find focus now to finish the blog. I noticed a slight change in tone towards the end of yesterday’s blog, but that could not be corrected without deleting the last writing or rewriting. Not something one should do on a blog; change in tone is just some of the risk of blogging. I see this happen to my friend Violet Blue, an influential blogger and published writer. She experienced rewrites in her weekly blog that kept her up all night trying to get her blogs to reach that incredible tight writing that I dream of someday producing.

I notice time is running faster than expected; I am slower than usual. I like to get so much done every day; this is hard for me. However, the combination of sleep loss and mixing downer (allergy and anti-nausea meds) with steroids impact my thinking. As a result, my focus bounces, and I am inefficient in my time use and becoming a bit single-threaded. Moving to Nike IT speech, I will have to accept this risk, I think (a wave to my PII friends at Nike). The strict following of my medical plan can be mapped to our planning process for a “train” of development at Nike, and the Meal Train did come from Nike IT!

Returning to the story, I finally got the blog done and ignored the tone issues, as I said.

Dressing and getting prepared to see Susie is late but goes on without new issues. I often call Kate when I have unexperienced side effects, nothing new today. My boss, Brad Jones, at Nike will be dropping off dinner, but I will not be there to receive it. It will be set outside, and that will be perfect as we will just miss him by 30 minutes.

My hands are now shaking too much to safety shave. The beard is starting, hmm.

Corwin comes for the trip, which is good as there is someone else to chat with. I focus primarily on health and care issues. I then switch into a cruise director moment with “YMCA” videos and other things to get Susie moving a bit. Corwin shared some Viking-style playlist with Susie (!) that she seemed to like. I am using the cane now, and it is hard going for me to drive, take on all the care again, and then drive home. A short visit.

I check with the nurses who are just as interested in my health as Susie’s now. I cover my side-effects and plans for the next few days and the whole schedule. Susie is having trouble sleeping and has mixed up her days and nights. Terry, her roommate, even called the nurse for Susie last night. She does not mind when Susie cannot find her red button. It is right by her hand. So something to watch and consider.

I asked the nurses to help Susie by putting on the Olympics on the TV. This usually keeps her going. So they put it in her chart.

I drive home, leaving in the near dark, now gray, rainy evening. I try to not drive in this as the darkness makes the leaving even harder. But, I managed to get home with only once Corwin having reminded me my blinker was still on.

Corwin reheats that meal brought by Brad Jones from Nike IT. And the Mac and Cheese with Ham and Broccoli is a good meal. I took a rest between driving and dinner and likely slept. I am unsure, but time advanced on me unexpectedly.

I watched how to play videos for the Unsettled board game and one review. Corwin is politely letting me dilly dally on getting back to the game. The how-to footage is longish but nerd-friendly (i.e., pop-in content to make the video not be a mind-numbing monologue). Moving to the short review, also on YouTube did cover that the game is good and the manual is average at best–my suspicion that reading the manual was making my understanding worse was confirmed.

One last thing to do this night, I ordered miniature ropes, anchors, and other ship model parts from my fav Czech supplier. While not cheap and shipping is an unkind addition, the quality is unapproachable, and the responses are clear. Transactions are complex as the part are well complex and require multiple emails after using a cart and paying only postage at first. Here you can find cloth sails for tiny models that come with, ahem, plastic sails. If you need this kind of crazy, it is a fun site: HisModel.com. Select English and US dollars and prepare for poor editing of values (commas are properly Euro even in the USA currency). This is where your mind can take you from a 100-hour build to twice that and giggle as you replace those tired plastic kit cannons with shiny metal ones. And discover that tying the rigging for each cannon on a 100-gun HMS Victory will improve your skills at connecting tiny ropes if you can avoid going insane.

I already have all the parts for my 1/100 (big) HMS Victory kit (yes, 100 guns) that is plastic. I have a wood deck veneer for the details not painted. Of course, I have the sails and metal guns already purchased. I also have other replacement and etched brass parts from a German site that sells upgrades for existing plastic kits. My 300+ hours build is waiting for life to allow me the time investment for this nearly impossible quest. Smaller kits and figure painting also slip in as these projects can finish within life’s current timings. Someday!

Note: there are build logs and videos on this crazy ship model. So you are never alone when planning this build. Also, nobody is using the new salmon colors that have been recently discovered as the possible actual color of HMS Victory in 1803. It is bright yellow for everyone. Bah science, nobody is going to fight the French in pink ships, even if they did. Not on my gaming table or walls.

With dreams of using my hands again to do some long-term builds, I fall asleep and wake only a few times.

A late update: Corwin did make Calabrian Beef and Gnocchi for second dinner. I had ordered Blue Apron before all the Nike folks started on the meal train and Corwin wanted to cook anyway. So he did a great late dinner that I had some for my 10PM pills.