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I will write this in reverse order, starting with falling asleep about 11:30 last night. I was reading the Brothers Cabal fantasy-horror story until I started nodding. We have Alexa and Philips’s lights combined, so you can just ask Alexa to turn off the lights in the bedroom and living room. This prevents anyone from walking in the dark, especially Susie. She used to use a flashlight!

I watched another episode of The Wheel of Time on Prime. Unfortunately, the show is quickly losing my interest. The progress in the storyline is plodding.

I ordered for pick up from Nonna Emelia’s down the street a few miles near TV highway. They now have a pickup order-only door and a restaurant door. I ordered Chicken Marsala with pasta with meat sauce, a loaf of garlic bread, and a small salad for me to start. Corwin woke up and, with Nonna Emelia’s huge portions, just split my dinner.

The requirement to pound the chicken, so it is tender enough to cut with a fork was lost on the chef. I prefer veal, but at $30 a plate, that was not happening tonight, and if they are not going to pound it tender, it is sort of a waste. The meal was just average, but at least the garlic bread was good. Having spent a month in New York City in October has changed my perspective on food. It can be better, and the prices in NYC are not far from the greater-Portland area prices. I shall keep searching for good Italian.

Before ordering dinner, I returned home in Air Volvo before dark at 3:40ish. I got the mail and put everything down, and went to read and rest a bit. I was also going to try to take a walk as the doc wanted me to eat protein and exercise before the surgery. I woke up after dark. I guess just getting through a day with anemia is exercise enough. My labs show that my anemia is not much improved, and I tire in the afternoon. Today I was staggering a bit, and I had to be careful getting up from a prone position. Hate to get up from reading and fall into the closet!

I received an email from the processors of my leave request. It just was a repeat of all the blank forms already filled out. They have not communicated what they want me or anyone to do. I have to 27Dec2021 to comply with some unknowable requirements (I have sent an email asking for some help at Nike). I was too fatigued to deal with it that evening.

I left Susie about 3:15ish with a kiss goodbye. She is frightened when I go as she cannot remember when my surgery is and asks me if I will be back. I tried to reassure her that I would be back for the next few days. It is hard not to cry at these moments, but I need to get home before the fatigue takes hold.

Susie was napping before I left. She could not remember getting physical therapy that day, and I checked and was told she was scheduled for it. The Forest Grove Rehab Care Center said that the meeting yesterday counts at Occupational Therapy, and because it was a meeting day, there was no PT. I was not happy with any of that and told them that. Yes, it was a moment of “Falling on Deaf ears.”

Susie was tired, so I believe she did have PT that day, but I never got validation. Growl.

We finished watching Rudolf the Red-nosed Raindeer and started The Year Almost Without Santa. These are both stop-action animation and The Year Almost Without Santa being newer and released in the 1970s and contains memorable songs with the Snow Miser song even appearing in a forgettable Batman movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to get his gang to sing it. We did not get far as Susie started to get sleepy.

We managed to call Leta and Dr. Peter Koper to chat a bit. Susie was happy to hear Pete’s voice. Over the years, we have kept in contact with Dr. Koper, our English professor from Central Michigan University.

I reached Forest Grove in the afternoon after stopping by the house to take my meds. Again, I was rushing to get to Portland Thursday morning, so I waited for food before taking my pills. When I got to room 44A, Susie was just dismissing her lunch with a CNA feeding her and ensuring she did not aspirate. We cannot afford Susie to again shut down a lung from aspirated water and food.

Susie was able to speak a bit better than yesterday. She can start and complete short statements. But, she gets lost when she tries to follow up with more. But, it is a bit better. She still has trouble explaining anything she wants or needs.

Susie got a stocking stuffer today and put it on. A Harry Potter World model of a time turner–I found them in Powell’s. She was still wearing it when I left!

Before delivering the time turner, I drove from Portland to home. I had another pre-surgery appointment with more docs, oncologists. This was more of an introduction and to get, as usual, more blood work. I had them use the left arm as the day before the blood draw was painful, and there was still a mark. I refer to that as the harpoon mark. This time a butterfly was used with a small tubing to prevent the pushing of the extra tubes into the needle in my arm. Much better.

On my way back home, I stopped by Elephant’s Delli. I got a fondue thinking cheese was protean, and bread, sausage, and pickles were better than a sandwich. But, again, the place was busy, and the tables filled and too close together for me to feel comfortable in a Covid-19 world (with Omnicron and Delta lurking).

The morning started, as usual, with me finding 6:30 is damn early. I wrote the blog and rushed off, not forgetting anything, and avoided any incidents in Air Volvo as I drove to Portland. Unfortunately, there were wrecks, construction, and I had to take the Providence Park exit.

I slept again in the master bedroom.

I hope all of this is interesting. I try to keep to just the truth as I understand it.

The day started with me waking one last time in the spare bedroom. The master bedroom bathroom will finish today, and I am then moving back into the master bedroom. One thing going back to normal, finally.

I do the usual things and rush the morning as normal. I have a doctor’s appointment in Portland today with yet another surgeon. I also have more paperwork to give to the main surgeon for my leave for my cancer treatment. I was relieved that the leave request for Susie had been updated with the doctor’s paperwork. I have two requests running now.

So off to Portland, I call the Forest Grove Rehab Care Center and ask them to tell Susie in room 44A I will be in for the afternoon (her short-term memory does not always work). The traffic at 9ish is the usual mess, and I take the Providence Park exit and drive through the neighborhoods instead of coming in off the highway at the Pearl District.

The doctor appointment was not that interesting, which is a good thing. However, I was surprised to learn that they will use absorbable mesh and not a permanent mesh to repair my hernia. Apparently, the mess could pick up some infection from the bowel surgery, so absorbable mesh will be used to prevent a long-term infection issue with a permanent mesh.

I stop by Elephant’s Delli and have a Ruben sandwich in the car. The place has everyone masked except when eating, but the tables seemed too close to me for comfort, and I also thought the air movement was a bit low to be safe for the number of people in the shop. So I eat a messy and wonderful Ruben in Air Volvo.

After all that food, I take a mint from the box I keep in the car. My eyes burn soon. Yes, I left the N95 on, and mint fumes built up and then leaked out of the mask, and it hurts! So I call my sister about this, she is a nurse, and she laughs and tells me that if a person is screwing up, they offer them a mint. They straighten up after that offer. Yes, a mint in a mask is a dark joke in nursing.

I drive to the house in Air Volvo without any traffic or events. I forgot to take my meds, so I got them taken. It would be better to take the meds with food as I skipped breakfast, so this worked better.

I take Air Volvo to Forest Grove and find Susie has had breakfast and lunch and is uncomfortable. She cannot articulate what is wrong, but the nurses try to help. We watch Rudolf the Red-Nosed Raindeer on my Apple. I purchased the show for about $8. THERE IS no PT or OT or speech for Susie today, which slightly annoys me.

Susie is dressed and put in a wheelchair, and we are met at the social work meeting room by the head of therapy and nursing for Susie plus Julie, who does the insurance. It is clear to me this is going to be unpleasant.

I was right. The home believes that United Health Care (UHC) will not cover Susie for Rehab after Monday.  Even if UHC does decide to cover Susie, it will only be for three days at a time. It is likely in the next week, Susie will be discharged. Of course, it is not the lack of progress as they have only given Susie about 2/3 of the therapy (my count) they promised due to the chaos of the Covid restart of the home, but the insurance company. I have been down these paths before when folks in medicine blame the insurance company.

The cost to keep Susie there as private pay will be $350 a day. Also, this will not provide any therapy. To their surprise, I told them I would pay and wanted to cover the therapy costs. They actually tell me they would not recommend that as the billing for a session could be more than $1,000. So I just ask them to do it anyway (I do not believe that a 30-minute session will not be that much).

I explain to them that I have considerable financial resources, and this is about caring for Susie and not about how much money I have to pay. I am polite but direct and smile a lot. I also detect that they have been here before and want Susie and me to move on to the next part of our lives and let them have the bed. In the end, it is agreed that Susie will remain as private pay and therapy pricing will be reviewed, and they will get back to me. I am given the phone number for the appeals process for UHC and the phone number for nursing agencies they have used in the local area.

Susie will have to come home once I can manage it. I will pay more than $10,000 a month until then. I sold stock options when Nike broke $171 to cover the remodel for the bathroom, New York City expenses still remaining, and of course Susie’s stay in the home. I knew it would be costly and include a bit of unpleasantness.

I walk Susie around in the wheelchair for thirty minutes as I need to get my focus back, and since she is up, why not a tour. We do the trek about three times. Finally, I returned her tired and upset with the meeting we had to her room, and the nurses took over. I have a headache and kiss Susie goodbye at 3:45ish.

I managed to get back to the house without issue using Air Volvo. I try to find my calm, but that is not working. So I rest and read for a bit, but I am still upset. Jeff is just finishing up the new power plug in the entranceway (yeah!). He and I look over the work. It is most excellent.

My calm is not improved when my boss, Brad Jones, has forwarded a message from my leave request (thank you, Brad!). The paperwork for the initial leave request to care for Susie was incomplete and needs more attention from my regular doc. I call the service that does this work for Nike, and they tell me they have snail-mailed me the explanation and changes needed. I am a bit incredulous that snail-mail was picked. The person on the phone tells me they will email it to me in the next two business days, getting an unseen eye roll from me.

I am shaken now. Tears come. I have to solve this mess while in the hospital. I will try to get some help from friends, but I do not know if the doc is available during the holiday weeks. Usually, not.

Between the surgery prep, the endless driving, the insurance, the discharge, and the fact that every day is up at 6:30 to try to face another day helping with Susie, it is just too much for me. I am overwhelmed this time.

Thusly, I head for dinner alone (I am lousy company) to Sushi Zen and enjoy a fine spread of little plates delivered to me. There is no paperwork (except the bill), no complex human interactions, and a significant number of choices that I alone can make without discussing it with medical professionals. And sushi is so exotic to a person that grew up in the middle of mosquito and farm county in Michigan. Of course, I still have watery eyes, but it helps.

I manage next to take Air Volvo safely to Powell’s Books, explore their gifts, and find three books. This is working too, but the emotions come and go. I purchase a horror fantasy book from a series I have read before, The Bother’s Cabal by Jonathan L. Howard. The books in this series are not always great, but some are. I am hopeful this newer one is good (it is so far). I also find a present for Susie and maybe for Michelle Smith for Christmas (she might have it). My Christmas planning this year is, at best, limited. I also found a calculus book, A Tour of Calculus (the writing about math has improved recently, and I found I enjoy this kind of book now), and another horror novel by the author of Mexican Gothic about vampires–got to try that.

I return home without incident and still am without focus. I finish the bedding in the dryer and move my light, Alexa device, and books back to the master bedroom. I make the bed and find my calm.

While working on the bed, I remember that according to Hesiod, we are here on this earth to strive. It is not about the difficult challenge but the desire to move forward, get better, compete, and win if you can. I remember Hesiod saying that our lot from Zeus is to work and produce and strive to be the best or at least try to be. My copy of Hesiod (I have had it since 1982) is always next to me these days. Funny that this wisdom is buried in the lists of gods and practices, but it is in there. This gets me back.

I know it should be some reassuring phrase from Jesus or a Psalm that gets your back, but in my case, a long-dead pagan work for me. And since the poem that reminds me of this striving is “Works and Days,” it seems to fit.

I read my new book in my bedroom with my light and Alexa playing the Portland radio station Kink.FM for me. I have tea and snacks, including English Toffee I found at Elephant’s Delli. After that, I read too late, fell asleep at some time, and am calm.

Working backward, I was surprised to wake at 12:45AM when I had just wanted a short break of reading and a nap. I took my meds, went back to bed, and surprisingly fell back to sleep.

I had just planned to read a bit and relax. Yesterday and the day before were hectic. I read a horror story by Clark Ashton Smith, The Vaults of Yoh-Vombis. The story is a mix of cosmic horror often associated with H.P. Lovecraft and some SciFi themes. I find Clark Ashton Smith easier to read than Lovecraft, but not as creepy. This story is set on the Mars of Edgar Rice Burroughs and Lowell with mars-people and humans on a slowly dying mars. The story starts with finding ruins far away from the canals in a desert. The story is about archeologists exploring these ruins, and they manage to discover and unleash the true reason of how the original mars-based culture was destroyed. The horror is brain-eating slugs resembles a towel. It lands on your head, eats into your bain, and then animates what is left.

I slipped into sleep and dreamed of the creatures and running from them on Lowell-like mars. It was not restful sleep.

Before this, I was booting my new laptop. I bought a cheapish new Dell for my robot work with lots of older styled USB slots. My Apple is just too new of tech, and the M1 chip prevents older apps from running on my Mac. Setting up Windows 11 and two hours of patches load to get it ready to use. The keyboard is larger than my Apple, so I keep hitting the wrong keys, but that usually just takes practice to overcome. I tried out some YouTube videos. The graphics are weaker than my Apple, but the sound is good. I plan to take this one to the hospital and write my blog from the Dell Windows 11 machine. I was initially going to use a Unix system based on a Raspberry Pi (new fast model) but did not want to bring a hacked-together item to the hospital, and my Raspberry Pi laptop has a cheap keyboard. I needed a spare Windows laptop that I owned and had older-style USBs ports. Done.

Before this, I set the Dell to download patches and headed out to dinner with Mariah. I wanted a break and a beer product. So Mariah and I had dinner at BJ’s Brewhouse, and I had the Jambalaya and red ale, and we talked about biblical exegesis and criticism. Mariah had been reading a book on this, and I used to teach this years ago in Sunday School (I would not like to admit that was more than twenty-five years ago). I mentioned to her my favs for these topics, John Hayes and Bruce Metzger (if you look in the notes of the New Revised Standard, you will see Bruce as the primary translator and editor–loved and hated by all). We also talked about house buying. Mariah wants to own and stop wasting her cash on rent. She also would love to have a yard and make choices about her residence.

Before seeing Mariah for dinner, I arrived home, and Jeff and I looked and admired the new vanity and the near-finished bathroom, just a few fixes left. He had switched out the previous vanity for a new white one the same size as the original one, and it worked better. So we now understand why the larger size was there.

Later, I stripped the bed and washed the sheets. I will get my big bed back on Wednesday! I get to use the new shower this weekend.

My two-month to get an appointment with my regular doctor was today. We went over my health issues and Susie’s. The doctor wanted to reach Susie, but the nursing home does not have a phone in her room, and she has lost or washed every cell phone I have given her. I sent him the documents I have written on how I want the home to handle my illness and instructions on how to visit her. We discussed my asthma issues, and he asked me to measure my breathing using a meter and use the inhaler when the numbers are lower. I should not mix up a cough from an allergy and an asthma issue. My diabetes numbers are still good, 5.8 with <5.7 being normal, and the doc suggested that the incoming surgery will likely reduce my weight and improve the numbers. I resisted an eye roll on that one. It would be something I would use for my Howard stories (“luckily the suffering and surgery improved my A1C,” or something like that).

The paperwork for my leave for Susie is sent to the processors. I have to supply the same paperwork for my illness to Doctor Frankhouse, the surgeon for Tuesday’s procedures.

Before the two-plus-hour meeting with my doc, I left Forest Grove via Air Volvo. As I left, Zeriada came to Forest Grove Rehab Care Center, Room 44A, to see Susie. Zerida stayed with Susie for the afternoon and did her fingernails, and Susie was overjoyed to see her. Zerida does Susie’s spa days on Monday, but since Susie’s stroke in New York City in October, Susie had not been stable enough to come to Zeriada’s office. So they have missed each other! Susie and Zeriada had a great afternoon!

Zerida shared this photo.

Before this, I had slipped out for lunch at McMenamins Grand Lodge, just down Pacific Highway. The service was slow and struggling. The waiter suggested the Chicken sandwich; I needed to increase my protean for the surgery, agreed. It was good. I also chatted with the friendly and mostly lost waiter about Violet Blue, and she will look her up on the Internet.

Violet Blue is one of my few Internet-only friends. We have never met, but we chat on the service Patreon about Susie and me. Patron is a service where I help support Violet Blue’s writing with a small payment each month. Her stuff is later published a day later on Twitter, so you can read her stuff if you like for free. For InfoSec and Covid news, she cannot be beaten, and since she is liberal and a formerly homeless person still living in San Fransico, I am attracted to her stories. I recommend her weekly reports.

The food place’s computers were not working, so I got a manual credit slip. I used to do these for Dad years ago, so I filled it out and smiled to think of dad and the old store, Wild’s Furniture and Appliances, Inc.: “We Beat City Prices.”

Before this, I reached Forest Grove early as I had a doc appointment in the afternoon. Susie was happy to see me, was more awake, and drank a lot of milk. However, food is still hard on her as she chews forever, and she cannot seem to get it in the right place in her mouth to swallow. So the staff instead is pushing liquids and Ensure. Susie appears to be responding to that and seemed stronger today.

Susie had PT and speech therapy today. The PT guy, Cody, said she did a bit better today. She took more steps which again is a miracle as far as I am concerned.

I spent all morning a memo on how to visit Susie and how to reach people cleared to get medical information on Susie. I will send this out soon. I did this between everything and at lunch. Busy. Busy.

Before all of this, it snowed and froze in the Reedville, formally Aloha, area. It was very local, and the dangerous ice was only for a few miles. Our street was covered with black ice and was hard to even stand on.

As “the cold never bothered me anyway,” I just heated up Air Volvo, and off we went. The traffic was messed up for a few miles, but the ice and traffic disappeared after that.

I started at 6:30 and was able to go a bit slower as I had written the blog the night before, my preferred process but hard as I tire in the later afternoon.

I slept in a bit to 7:15 as I was tired this morning, and I woke at 5ish and then 6ish, so I wanted a bit more sleep. I needed to rush this morning and left after the usual things at 7:45ish. I stopped by McDonald’s for breakfast. I made it to the Forest Grove Rehab Care Center about 8:20ish and reached Susie’s room, 44A, while she was still eating breakfast. Susie sounded still weak, but she was not worse than yesterday, which is a blessing. I helped with breakfast a bit.

It was time for cleaning up, so I stepped out and went to the lobby. There is a large marine (salt-water) aquarium in the lobby, and I like to watch the sea urchin and the shrimp in the tank sometimes. I once had a marine aquarium, and when I see one, that old wish to do one again, but I have only time to look at them.

I found Dan, the administrator, and gave him the letter I wrote to the facility on how we wanted to communicate and what to do when I had surgery. Dan thought I would need a legal document, so I found one on the Internet and filled it out. After that, I would print it at home. But, the letter was essential to keep everyone on the same page; other legal documents support that.

Susie was finished with breakfast, and then the speech therapist came to work with Susie. The therapist worked with Susie for an hour and then spoke to me. The therapist believes Susie’s multiple strokes have damaged her ability to communicate and understand as the strokes were in different places.

At this time, I said goodbye to Susie for a bit and drove to Portland from Forest Grove, picking up my meds that I forgot to put in the car. The traffic was light at mid-morning on a Monday. I had a pre-operation meeting at Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital.

We went over all the meds; it was good to have brought them, and then blood tests. The stick was unusually painful, and I can still see the hole mark. The EKG was done so fast I thought it was the test run. Using a bright blue-colored machine I thought was a toy at first, my blood pressure was normal, and my oxygen levels were good. My blood pressure was so good she did it twice–still good. All I can say is, “Better Living Through Chemistry.”

Next, I met the nurse practitioner, who went over my history in detail and provided me a new set of instructions with some updates. She was wearing Nike running shoes slightly dusty from use. I learned she did not run anymore as she was an exercise machine, the famous type, and no longer gets injured like when she was running. My shoe company interests leak out once in a while. I am ready and locked in for 21Dec2021.

Next, I travel back to the house by taking Air Volvo out of Portland without event. I print out the form and return to the rehab center, grabbing Taco Bell along the way for lunch. I hated to get fast food ever since living in New York City for more than a month when even the fast-food was nearly perfect French baguettes sandwiches with soup.

I get back and remember to take in the tree from the Smith Family (+Jason) for Susie. It is a little live tree with lights. Susie was excited and happy to have a lighted tree.

I have a few stressful moments with the staff as I need to get the forms filled out so folks can help when I am out next week. But, finally, after I was very direct, we got the correct form, not the one I printed, and now folks can get information about Susie’s health. Medical decisions are still not worked out, but access is now set.

I also called a lawyer recommended by Zerida to get my boilerplate last will and testament done before the surgery next week. I want to ensure that Susie is cared for and the obvious things are done should something go wrong next week. The lawyers will have a draft ready in the next day or so, and I should be able to sign it on Friday. I wanted to solve other legal issues, but the lawyers believe these challenges will take longer to handle, so they will have to wait. A more complete estate planning will also follow later.

I finally say good night to Susie at 4:15ish and head Air Volvo back to the house again. Jeff is there and, as I expected, not entirely done in the bathroom. One more day. The vanity does not quite work, but we can make a few adjustments to make it work well enough. The shower and toilet are perfect. I will be back in the master bedroom on Tuesday!

I microwave some soup that Zerida sent for me and a tamale which she told me were Peruvian style. It was fantastic and easy–I needed that. I also talked to her, and she will come to see Susie and do her nails and a bit of spa stuff on Tuesday afternoon. Zerida will also stay with Susie on 21Dec2021, my day of surgery.

I talk to Michelle and Dave, and they will drive me in for the surgery. I just need to work out the pick-up time here at the Volvo Cave. I will review the documents, newly revised, and see when I need to be in Portland.

I watch an episode of the Wheel of Time on Prime. I liked it, but it is hard to follow. I will watch more.

I received a Kickstarter reward today that is very late. However, it is nice that folks still try to deliver: Five Moons Roleplaying Game: Player Guide. It was promised in 2015. One of the spells, flipping through the 64-paged perfect-bound book, is Minor Undead Pet; I like that. I think I got a previous book two years ago–I will have to find it and put it with the new book.

I mailed the cash containing cards to Susie’s various younger relatives and will do Heifer International gifts for the older folks. Fruit cakes have already been sent out. Happy Holidays!

It was a busy day and night.

The day started with me up at 6:30 as usual. I hate getting up early on Sunday. I still remember when I used to get up late with Susie in the 1990s when we lived in Maryland and drove down to Georgetown in DC and find breakfast there and do some shopping. Susie found some very lovely clothing there over the years. I love Oregon, but I do miss DC somedays.

I managed to remember everything this morning and get to Susie by about 9:30. I even managed to get breakfast at McDonald’s. I used the one in Hillsboro with a fountain designed like tidal pools.

Susie was looking tired and worn-out. I learned that Susie was up and dressed and had breakfast at the table with the nurses. The nurses also reported normal vitals to me for the morning.

Susie was drinking water and still having trouble speaking. We called Leta and Susie had difficulty being understood. I had her vitals checked, and her blood pressure was low, and her heart was racing to 116 while in bed resting. The doctors are back on Monday, and I asked the nurses to alert the doctors to the issue.

Susie had no pain and was comfortable. I got a TV remote from the nurses, went out to Air Volvo, and got a screwdriver–I have a toolbox in the car, opened it, and replaced the batteries. I put on horse racing; Susie loves to watch the racing.

I stepped out for lunch and had a tuna fish sandwich at Subway. I also wrote final wishes for Susie and I and related notes for Leta and Barb, which I genuinely hope we will not need soon.

We found ice skating on the TV, and Susie was fascinated as usual by ice skating. I could hear her saying the name of the jump and how good it was while she watched.

Anne and Wayne Weld-Martin came to visit and managed to get to Susie’s room after going through the entrance ritual. They had called me earlier, so I had two chairs ready for them. They brought Susie some warm socks and a book and chatted with her. Susie had fallen asleep during the ice skating and was a bit sleepy. We prayed, and they left.

Susie and I said good night. I head out usually at 3 or 4 in the afternoon to have some part of the day left when I get home. So I took a break and a short nap.

I met Michelle, David Smith, and Mariah for Indian Food at Swaggart’s. I brought a bit of the leftover home. We chatted about NYC and food and had an excellent time.

Later, David and Michelle sent me a video of the snowstorm on Bald Peak Mountain; I call their Bald Peak home Smith Mountain. It is snowy up there!

Dan Gray brought me some old gaming stuff from a friend of his who passed. It is 1970s stuff. Some are orginals and never opened.

Zeriada brought over a lot of frozen soups for me that I think I will need soon. Zerida will likely visit Susie on Tuesday for a mini-spa treatment.

I have to rush in the morning to see Susie early as I have a noon pre-operation appointment with the medical folk in Portland. So I wrote the blog tonight to leave early on Monday.

I also updated my work time off, calendar, out-of-office message and made a new leave request for my cancer surgery and recovery. Busy, busy…