The day starts early with me rising before my alarm at 6:30 and starting my rushed day. It is a time change day, so it really sucks! I plan to make church today; I am not preaching after my trip to the ER on Friday, and I am suffering from fatigue. I manage breakfast and coffee and write the blog. I am feeling OK, at first. But I tire easily, and getting dressed is hard. I decided on a top hat for church, I have a nice one for magic tricks, and it goes with the cane and black winter gloves. I have a bright Mendlebrot tie to keep the nutty flavor.

I reach the church and am tired from the drive. Rev. Anne Weld-Martin is replacing me for the sermon. Anne’s address hits-it-out-of-the park with the addition of giving a nail to everyone for Lenton as a reminder that nails hold our world together and can be misused. I manage to only close my eyes and not fall asleep to the music and sermon. I running on empty. Singing is not possible as nausea starts to come then.

I managed to leave and forgot my cell phone, and came back to get it. It is the second time I have passed a homeless kid rearranging his stuff on the steps. I decided I was supposed to give him something, and he got $20, which I am sure will help him more than me.

I buy a 2 cheeseburger meal at McDonald’s with coffee. I eat the burgers, and they help wake me up and calm the storms. I know that my friends are always worried when partaking of fast food. But it is just calories and something familiar, so it is not rejected. Simple burgers work–the rest of the non-morning menu is off-limits.

I drive directly to the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center, Room 44A, at 3900 Pacific Highway to see Susie. It was a hard drive, but I managed it without events resembling my fellow drivers’ extra-legal driving. Susie is up in a wheelchair and excited to see me. I missed the last two days.

I am, and she can see it, too tired and trying not to let her see my nausea. We manage to connect to Susie’s mother, Leta, but that is complex as Leta is missing 1/2 of her hearing aids. Susie’s sister is there helping Leta find it, and we get to also chat with her too. Leta can repair the loss as she has a spare 1/2 from the last adventure of losing her hearing aids.

I leave and drive slow, and the lane drifting does do more corrections than is usual for me. But, I am happy to be home and collapse in bed for a while. I take the heavy anti-nausea med.

I make a can of Stagg’s Chilli, add cheese, and have that for dinner. I am still desperately hungry, and the nausea med makes food possible again. The steroids cause hunger and chemo nausea, and other side effects. It is all about managing and discipline to survive this without extra ER trips.

I sleep a bit, watch Bloomberg Asia Monday start, and actually work in Python for a bit on my laptop. I manage to install a YAML package to my new Python environment without using much from Anaconda, my package manager for Python that has now gone charge (!?). I will get back to the YAML stuff later. It was just nice that I could still think and do.

I make a cake using a bundt cake mold. I mess up, and the cake explodes when I try to unmold it. I let the cake cool too much. I added some Vietnamese cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon, and a spoon of molasses to a cake mix of German Chocolate. This gives the make a little more punch. Corwin loves it, and I have a lot too.

I read more and having trouble sleeping like most folks in the USA; time change day!

I can sleep in now that I have completed cycle 3, day 4. No more steroids for this cycle!

 

 

I managed to start at 6:30AM with taking the steroids. This is cycle 3, day 3. I am unsteady for a moment, but that seems to be fatigue and not frozen joints as I had last time. I do not need the cane. But the cold sensitivity is extreme, and I feel I could trip the strangling breathing issue again even in 68F. So I turn up the heat! With some difficulty, I manage to make coffee.

I then manage peanut butter toast for food. I am tired, more than I have been before, and I am sure the adventures at the ER have me pasted it on my energy levels. I manage to read some news and email. I write the blog.

I decide to stay in PJs for the morning. First, I watch some of the news, but Bloomberg is running re-runs. So I switch to CNN for a while. Next, I fall asleep in the chair. I then walk to the bedroom and read more Americana.

I still like the book, but it is not connected with the experience of farmers and black sharecroppers. But I do enjoy reading the coverage of the mineworkers (one of my first jobs in computers was the Coal Minners’ Pension Fund in Washington, DC) and the building of the trusts. More shenanigans at Wallstreet, mostly price-fixing, would impact all in the USA, so I do not feel the narrative has drifted into a false all-white-lived history report. President Teddy is now muck-raking and trust-busting, which is good for all Americans.

I manage to order Mexican using GrubHub, but it is hard to eat as I am so tired eating seems a chore. Thank you, Michelle Vondenkamp, Gary, and Erika, for the GrubHub cards. I fall asleep in the chair again and head to bed after calling the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center and telling the nurse, Nichelle, that I would not make it in today. She will relay the message to Susie. Susie was fine.

I rest and read some more and finally get dressed and shower. I have to heat the shower before I get in. The new shower had a showerhead you could pull down and a bench to sit on. I use it to spray all the surfaces with hot water. The new handholds are in place too. It is very safe. It is also tile and hard to slip.

I feel clean and relaxed and ready to sleep some more. But, I resisted and tried some news and email. Then, I made an easy dinner. I make just steel-cut oatmeal with walnuts, brown sugar, a touch of maple sugar, and brown sugar. I need other areas of my body to start flowing and had taken a laxative already. So, some high-fiber and easy-to-digest food is my usual answer.

I set the clocks forward. I watch some more of the show Upload and like the direction, the show is going. It is light and interesting to me–the jokes and irony fit me well.

I chat with the Smiths. We talked about various topics, including Grammarly. I use it to write the blog and other things. I do not use that many transitions in writing the blog, but Grammarly loves them, so I update my text with about 1/3 of the suggestions. It also fixes all the Oxford commas that I can’t stand to type, finds basic mistakes and suggests improvements as I have the professional $140 subscription. I usually make four passes through the blog. One with just Grammarly happily installing commas, removing commas, and sometimes changing its mind a few times. I then fix the wooden language it misses. This gets another fun bounce with Grammarly as it will usually want to make transitions that I have resisted and apply very sharp conciseness cutting that I will not always go for. One more read to check that meaning is not too bent by the process and then done.

I took the pills at 10:30, about 9:30, before the change. So it was about 1/2-way for the time-change, and thus it worked out.

So a dull day, but no ER trips, no strangling from cold air, no falls, and progress on all pills and health issues. Showering was done safely, and sleep was acquired.

Exhaustion and fuzzy thinking followed me all day.

A late add: I did update my Python on the Mac and enjoyed all the pain that includes. It was fun to use the brain and code just a tiny bit. I managed to update PyCharm and make it work, my editor and helper. But, Python is failing now. The M1 chip is not Intel and Intel math routines, fantastically fast and stable and free, do not work on my new Mac–they just fail out instead of turning off with more grace. So I had to install a new enviroment which meant making Anaconda work which is now a pay service (!?) that I may need to get a professional license to use (or install pythong without it). I create a Python 3.9 version–new Python. And once that worked I manually installlig the Python math routines into the same instance of Python known as Numpy, I was able to get my basic Pi calculating again. I suspect the AI stuff will be harder to repair.

I am better this Sunday morning. The time-change is terrible, but it always is. Someday we will get California to sign-up, and Washington state, Oregon, California, Nevada, and Arizona will no longer do this madness.

Friday started with me being surprised to wake up and actually sleep some. This is unusual, but Thursday was an exhausting day with the trip to ER and all of that. I was still feeling the chemo head, but I think it was still fatigue more than the drugs this time.

Today’s blog has a lot of extra information as I mainly did rest and think a bit.

The extreme cold sensitivity requires discipline, but it is now familiar. I did drop my pills and have some coordination issues similar to last time on day 2. It is just frustrating. My fingers are also moisturized and always clean meaning I need to be careful with pills.

I start at 6:30 to get the steroids in early. I also write a double-day blog and that takes hours to write. The chemo head and the various asides make it a more significant undertaking. It is always best to avoid having to cover multiple long days.

Aside: The chemo head is not disabling. I am just slower and have to think longer. Time goes faster for me when writing. But tasks that take an hour are now 90 minutes. But, I am coping. I am also washing hot water over cups, glasses, and silverware to avoid cold sensitivity. For those worried, the hot water heater is set lower than most folks setting as a safe setting for Susie and now me. The water is never burning hot. You can only get that really hot water from the electric teapot. I also have to admit that I hate burning the carbon in the natural gas water heater, and usually, it is set to the lower setting.

Today needs to be boring and I am feeling nausea again and taking the stronger pills as I know those will work. The infused anti-nausea was enough previously, but I am more impacted and decided it is best not to wait for when I am having dry heaves. My muscles twitch randomly, but I do not need a cane in the house.

I turn on the war and the anti-nausea pill almost puts me out. I watch Bloomberg’s somewhat unique perspective as it describes in detail the impact on the world’s finances from the war. Huge amounts of money are now hiding out in the 10-year US treasury, but with an interest rate hike coming this seems a poor place to park money to me. Bitcoin and other cryptos have sunk.

I call Sedgwick on my case, I have a text that I have exhausted something. So, I call and am forward to the same voice I have heard before, the person actually handling the case. She, I am sorry I forgot her name, lets me know that the protection of my position at Nike is over. Nike could now hire into my slot and when I return to work I will have to compete for a new position or face enjoying my 25-year over 55 exit package. It has been over 90-days now. I would prefer a return to work just to prove I could do it, but an exit at this time, while full of complexity, I could make something of it. Entering the gig economy would be very interesting, exciting, and challenging, but this would be an option. But, I suspect Nike will want me back.

Also, last week I was finally officially declared retroactively on short-term disability. My pay is now only 80% and Nike clawed back the overage this week leaving me with just over $500 for my check. In November 2021, I received a 20% market adjustment as my position was revised to align with all the architects that have been hired for huge new market-based salaries. Thus, I will just be living off of my previous pay–No biggie.

Friday is not the day for another ER trip or to experience the breathing issue that simulates dying from strangling, so I stayed away from the front door. It was 32F outside when I started.

I watched a lot of Bloomberg and then got my CoinBase account back. I had to find my old iPhone, which I held on to for just things like this. The google authenticator does not transfer the codes to a new iPhone when you build the new iPhone using the automatic transfer. I got a text from David Smith that you have this issue with each code and other apps that do the security for multi-authentication. I have only this for CoinBase and Nike access. Nike updated with just a log-on, so it was not an issue. After charging and powering up the old iPhone, I followed directions and got access back to CoinBase.

After that I saw that my account is all zeros, I had transferred out of CoinBase after their leadership made many unflattering comments about the Black-Lives-Matter issues. I also did not think that crypto was worth the investment due to its asset class that requires realizing a loss/gain on every movement. And, while some were going up, I was invested in five or six different ones, some were crashing suggesting that crypto was not for me as the reasons for the ups and downs were opaque to me. So I made a few hundred bucks on a few thousand, transferred the cash back to my checking, and used the few hundred for bling for a newish board game. A less opaque investment in fun.

I am tempted to invest as all the crypto is low, but I still see it as an opaque market. Crypto, by nature, hides the market forces currently driving its pricing, and mere mortals have to use CoinBase and other risky wallet solutions to be in the market. Many folks have lost their investments to hacks not from crypto but from wallets. But CoinBase, while not a victim of hacking thieves and is locally coded in Portland by brilliant people, leadership gives me pause. So I am not stepping back in and I will make no financial decisions while my brain is so stuffed with chemo and steroids.

I also ordered, thank Michelle Vondenkamp and others from SEC, for lunch delivered from GrubHub. I did not want to invest any strength in making lunch. I ordered from Oasis and got their soup like lamb stew with spiced rice. This is hot and was perfect for the cold sensitivity. Warm food and drinking hot water keep the ER away!

Dondrea calls me and I get to FaceTime with Susie at the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A. Susie is very happy to see me and to hear that I am safe and home. Dondrea reports that is Susie is much better. I give Dondrea Leta’s mobile and they too use FaceTime. Leta

I discovered putting my head back and sleeping in the chair trips the chocking and strangling even with the heat at 72F in the house. I do not fall asleep like that again! I took the second anti-nausea and the 10AM chemo pills and that crushed me to sleep. Corwin returning to work, woke me at 3:15ish, head on my chest.

Christine Moay brought over dinner, baked chicken, and soup with bread. Corwin warmed all up in the oven and heats the soup. It was good and I did eat while watching the BBC news on PBS. The Newshour repeated the same news so I stopped there.

I go to read and fall asleep again from all the find drugs and the fatigue of yesterday. I missed Leta’s calls as I forgot the phone. I call her and she is still up as she watched MSU win an unexpected slot in March-Madness basketball. Leta loves basketballl. I catch her up when I call her back.

I watched two more episodes of the show Upload and found the show starting to work for me. The characters are now more sympathetic and the actors, while good the whole time, are now showing more likable characteristics than self-focused jerks. So, if you can make it to episode four, it works I think. The irony the show is focusing on is that the characters are becoming more human as they are exposed to the de-human process of Upload.

I am back to the Kindle and reading Americana. As it marches through time, I have noticed no mention of the Black Experiences. The Women’s Temperance Union, my mother-in-law Leta is still a member, does get some good coverage. There is mention that the slaves are free but now are downtrodden by being sharecroppers. The failure of reconstruction is ignored so far. I am hopeful that the author will soon focus on those experiences soon after the usual super focus on the Gilded Age leaders I find in texts covering this time in the USA.

I read and finally fall asleep around 1ish. I have to take my inhaler as I want no breathing issues. I am surprised to wake on Saturday at 6:15AM. I usually am up all night.

 

I am up early on Friday and have all the symptoms from the infusion, and some are worse this time. It makes everything a bit harder. The chemo head makes the clock run faster. I was in a bad way on Thursday and could not get anything written on that day. So I will cover two days. As this will be hard on my memory of Wednesday, I will go backward, starting with what I can recall now. The side effects make typing this difficult.

Wednesday, March 9

Sleep was hard to get as I was a bit worried about everything. However, I was trying to relax and be well. It was a sunny day, and the pollen and other allergens had me taking my inhaler to stop the dry, unproductive cough and unlocking my lungs. I had my alarm set for 6:30, and I would be driving myself in.

I went to bed and read some more of the hardcover The Words That Made Us: America’s Constitutional Conversation, 1760-1840, knowing that I can’t lift the book once the chemo starts for two weeks. I have reached the slavery section, and the book is beginning to deal with the impact. The title of the book uses capital US but also means us. I am pleased with the book so far (page 106 plus long preface) and its playful use of archaic usage.

Before this, I rested a bit and watched some of the war news. Then, as my memory of Wednesday is faded, I think I did some updates to FaceBook arguing that windmills are not an evil-green plot to ruin the world and that EV is not the cause of California’s power issues. I have always loved windmills and grew up with them everywhere in Michigan to pump water for livestock and plantings.

Aside: I have seen a lot of comments and heard them about politics. I keep trying to talk and comment and find it an interesting experience. I thought it may be time to remember who we are from someone else’s speech: Churchill’s Address to Congress. And, it drips with irony; here is Nixon’s acceptance speech that did create a vision of what he meant to be as president (events and character flaws did ruin the dream, but the words are still good): Nixon Acceptance Speech. I only linked to the text as both men are not that good at delivery. These were the dreams of the previous century. They failed in many ways (especially Nixon), but the goals are still reasonable. I believe we always fought like cats and dogs in the USA, but it did not mean we did not have a vision which often was the same.

Returning to Wednesday’s story and still going backward, I met Mariah at the Black Dog about 3ish and had my last beer and cold salad before the next chemo. We chatted about various things and passed on the Batman movie as we both had something to do. Mostly, I am still tired and nervous for Thursday, the start of chemo Cycle 3.

I had come from the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A. Susie was sitting up in her wheelchair, having just finished lunch, when I got there. She was happy to see me, and we called Leta, her mother, on FaceTime. They chatted for some time, and we then tried to connect to a few other folks and finally reached Glenda and Gene, Susie’s Aunt and Uncle, on her mother’s side, in North Carolina. They were happy to chat for a bit also on FaceTime.

I then took Susie for a trip in the wheelchair; Nichelle is the RN today and has Susie at the tables at the nursing station for the morning and part of the afternoon. Susie and I went out into the sunny garden, used for smoking mainly, to see the birds and the almost flowering daffodils (we are a couple 100′ feet higher here in Forest Grove, so the flowers are two weeks behind Beaverton in the Spring, but will catch-up in the Summer). Barb and Leta will likely see the daffodils in bloom when they are here on 25March2022. They will see Susie on 26March2022, giving me a break and they a chance to see Susie again.

Susie had to ask me where she was and wanted to go home with me. She wanted to leave with me. But she can’t walk or stand, so even a trip outside, ignoring Covid-19 and all its variants is not possible. So I have to explain what is happening most days now. Susie wants to go home, and it is heartbreaking to tell her to wait and be brave. The nurses help keep Susie focused and comfortable.

Aside: I have not been able to remove the wheelchair in Air Volvo that was there when Susie had her stroke. It is too hard to remove emotionally. Remember that the stroke that happened two days after Susie returned to Oregon, we think. It was not expected.

Returning to the narrative, I drove an uneventful trip to Forest Grove after getting up a bit late on Wednesday, my last chemo-free day before starting the dreaded cycle 3. I had a sandwich I made from roast beef and cheese for lunch. I had a breakfast of a banana and baked goods, including the aging muffins I made.

Thursday 10March2022

I will now reverse and go from the morning to the evening as it will be more logical. It was a harsh and difficult day. I am left exhausted and frozen this Friday. Writing is hard, and Grammarly got lost, and I am on my third copy of this story. I made a copy in Word to keep replacing, so I have not had to re-write it so far.

I started waking before my alarm but waited for it. I was trying not to rush as; usually, that makes me forget something. So I had food and then dressed and showered, paying careful attention to everything, including not cutting myself shaving.

I got the food and computer and kindle in a bag. This was a bit heavy, and I would undoubtedly regret that soon. And traffic had me worried, but I managed to get there without issue and parked on level C nearish the elevator. But, again, I would regret the distance.

I went in and followed the usual IV process; yes, they got it this time on the first try, in my right arm. I have to switch arms for the chemotherapy as it is hard on my arm’s veins. Labs are good with nothing too low. So onto infusion. My right arm does hurt a few times, and we wrap it in a warm blanket. Subsequent regret is not getting a drink of warm water to take with me.

I checkout and side-effects are starting, but I am OK, I think. Walk to car. The car next to Air Volvo is almost blocking the doors; opening the doors is hard. I have to put down the bag of stuff which dumps. I have to pick up the stuff as it is behind the rear wheel. My gloves are off, and I am now working pretty hard. I then finally get the bag in the car, but my gloves are in the bag. I have to have them. I reach in and start breathing a bit heavily.

My throat reacts, and I cannot breathe. I am strangling. I call for help. But all I can do is a wave. I have to walk back. I know it could be the cold issue as the instructions say this could happen, a false feeling of strangling in my throat tripped by the cold. But I don’t know. I need medical help. I end up having to lay down on the speedbump out of the car’s way, and the panic stops a bit, and support comes.

Folk finally called 911 and the docs. And the ambulance comes in about five minutes. I have not passed out and do not see stars or the darkening for loss of O2. It is not a happy way to evaluate my event, but it was the cold as I am not dead. I am still here, so it is the infusion; otherwise, after five minutes, I would be near-death and not conscious and unable to stand and walk to the gurney. I will be OK, I know now.

I get a new IV in the other arm and a 3 tenth of a mile drive to the ER. I explain that as I am still alive, it was the infusion and extreme cold sensitivity reaction, but the medical folks can’t believe that (I had produced evidence that was compelling that I was having a heart attack or worse) they run all the tests. By 6:00PM or so, they released me after chatting with the oncologist on-call that I was right and it is a strange side effect. I was happy to be alive and did not find out that the stress broke my heart or worse.

The Smiths came in their huge jeep, and then Michelle enjoyed flying Air Volvo home to the Volvo Cave. I had no repeats of breathing stress as I was careful not to stress by lifting anything, and David had the jeep warm for me. I was soon home. Air Volvo was also home. Michelle liked the comforts of Air Volvo and did not get to experience all the exciting protection systems as she had no events on the way back.

They get a pizza for dinner, 1/2 Thai, and baked potato; nothing I would select but David and Michelle are pizza connoisseurs, so the selection is excellent. They head out.

I take my pills, and due to the steroids bees in my bloodstream, I only can drift off for a few moments. I also have been told to not put blankets over my toes. The pressure can cause neuropathy. So yes, I use urea (cow pee) cream and now the lack of force from blankets. So odd, but it is working. But it makes sleeping more complex.

I am happy to be alive. I also had a FaceTime with Susie while in the ER waiting room thanks to the Rev. Anne Weld-Martin going to see Susie in my place. I am sure that helped relieve Susie’s worries. Dan Gray was also headed to the hospital but missed seeing me as I was released quickly once they decided it was OK–thanks, Dan. I was offered help by so many during my short adventure. Thank you all!

Going backward, I had trouble getting to sleep and was reading until after midnight. I am still reading the legal history of the US constitution by Akhil Reed Amar but have detected, as I feared, strong biases on just reading the founding father’s papers. While I enjoy the book, it seems to be the white male history of the US legal system, but that would be the only folks doing law in the 1700s, so I think it is OK. Once we get to the Virginians, I will see if a discussion of slavery is included. The writing is almost archaic, and that is enjoyable.

I was up when I read Ernest Henry Shackleton’s shipwreck had been found. The wreck of the Endurance was found and is intact mainly in the cold waters. I have read the book and seen the pictures of Endurance being crushed. We can now see the crushed hull and the nearly intact stern of the ship in the released videos.

Before this, I had dinner supplied by Subha, Indian-styled chicken, with some spiciness. It was terrific, and I had it a bit later with my pills and a sample before that. Evan tried a sample too. Evan headed home after that. Thanks, Subha!

Even earlier, I was at The 649 with Evan. Evan and I played two games of The Architects of the West Kingdom, with Evan winning the first one and me tying for the second game. Unfortunately, we did not play with all of the add-ons, which brought us some strange moments. Next time, we will have to use all of the add-ons or remove the cards for the add-on. However, it was still a fun game.

I had Cuba Libre and a coffee with almond liqueur with a snack of nachos at The 649 Taphouse. There were just a few folks there when we started, and everyone was carefully masked, and the high ceilings meant good ventilation. We got a long table and set-up to play games and run a tab. The gal, Crystal, running the bar, remembered us and was interested to see what game we brought this time. She remembered the last time we played when she was bartending was Wingspan.

Before this, we stayed with Susie for a bit at the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A. We returned there after lunch at the Grand Lodge. Susie was now in her wheelchair, and we connected Susie by phone to her sister, Barbara. They chatted for a while, and then I took Susie for a tour of the facility. We did not join the Bingo game, all masked and socially distanced, in the main room. Instead, we did a few hallways. I was getting my exercise pushing Susie with Evan discovering how big the place really is, huge!

Evan with Susie (I had Evan remove the mask for the photo, but usually, we are masked).

Susie was then getting tired, and I let the nurses now, and I kissed, through a mask, Susie goodbye. She was hoping to come home with us, heartbreaking to me, but I convinced her to stay with the promise of returning to her the next day.

Going backward, we found Susie first in her bed and chatted for a few minutes. I then let her use my iPhone app FaceTime to chat and see her mom, Leta. Lunch came as we talked, so we cut that short and headed out for lunch while the facility served lunch. We returned after that.

Susie’s vitals, which I always check with the nurse or aide, are in her normal range.

Before this, I met Evan at the house about 11ish. I had completed the blog and was dressed and showered by this time. I was up at 7:30 this time, not rolling over and going back to sleep like the previous day, no rushing this morning.

I did not get back to my taxes or my balloon model. I was still a bit tired and just wanted to read.