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Today, Sunday, I nearly slept into 10AM. I had to get going and take the pills as I can’t mistime them without consequences (all bad). No pronounced side effects, and more importantly, no new ones have surfaced to offer me chances to test my optimism that I can get through the bottle (Friday means more this week); the end is coming!

Yesterday, Saturday, I was moving and happy to get started by 9ish and thus was early for all the pills and felt much better. I remembered to have cottage cheese and make oatmeal again. Both protein and carbs are needed for me to feel myself now.

Corwin leaves me a huge pile of dishes for three days. He had agreed to keep the kitchen but failed at his commitments again. So naturally, I was angry, and I ended up burning fingers, washing all the pans, and running the pile of dishes into the dishwasher. I will point out later to Corwin the epic fail this is for him. I also had to stop the ant invasion, the ants finally finding all the dirty dishes. Yikes!

I plan to soon commit insecticide against our invaders. Die ants! Die! Die! Yes, I have a service, and the ants are always back for the subsequent treatment. I suspect they have little ant swimming vests as they have been damp these weeks.

Aside: My father, years ago, suggested I should glue tiny LEDs on the ants and let them loose. The locals would be reporting Terminator Ants or Borg Ants and might get rid of them. Instead, I have resisted this clearly demented idea–raise the perception of a threat. But, it does fit with the Wild sense of humor and makes me smile as I remember dad describing the reaction of a Bug person seeing a swarm of lighted ants under the house. I will admit that the LED was easy, but I could only power the LED with an electromagnetic force, and that is not going to get the impact dad was looking for; “scanning” the ants with a magnet would cause them to burn bright. Tiny safe batteries are still not there. I did look into supercapacitors, and that too is not small enough but is safe. Decorating ants still remains elusive.

Time flies, and before I knew it, it was lunch and time to get dressed and ready. Still no side effects that cannot be handled. I drive to the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A. It is Saturday, and the entrance process is ad hoc. They have folks there on Sunday as many folks see Mom and Dad on Sunday, but Saturday is 1/2 staff and a bit slow. Finally, I am passed as I have happy to say I have no symptoms or exposure or International travel today.

Susie is having an excellent day. She struggles to be understood, but her voice is better, and her words come through when she can find them. She repeats over and over, “I am trying.” Susie wants to get home and knows that she needs to eat and work to live at home. Hospice has given Susie a break, and she is now getting better.

I forgot to take a pic, sorry, but we did call Leta, Susie’s mother, and then Barb, Susie’s sister, and finally we reached the Smiths. I spent more than an hour until the fatigue grew. I am a good starter but not a finisher now.

I reached the Volvo Cave without dodging any creative driving from my fellow Oregonians. Many drivers are much more relaxed in their adherence to speed (going fast) after decriminalizing various soft and hard drugs. One must be watchful for the relaxing drivers.

At home, Rekha and Shyam provided a spiced and fabulous Butter Chicken. I was thinking, as I ate, that I needed to return to India or return to cooking, something I gave up for chemo. I have known Rekha and Shyam for most of my SAP time at the shoe company and watched their careers fly. I cannot count, and it would be unwise to try to recall the number of holidays, weekends, and overnights I have done with them. Thank you, Rekha and Shyam.

Returning to the story, I still feel even better and managed to put the board game Ankh in the garage. Maybe we will get back to it, but I think there are better games for me. It was a Kickstarter, and the last three were not as successful as I had hoped and have moved to the back shelves. Extreme cold sensitivity comes back in the garage. I stop working there.

Saturday night, I ordered a whole ADT security system for the house–it has been on the list but moved up now. There is no increase in crime that I have seen in the area, but I think it is time to have a little better control over the house. As usual, there is no problem spending money on these things and the 30% discount makes it all seem cheaper. The installation is in 17Feb2022. After that, I will be canceling the service, still in place for Susie’s emergency alarm, which costs monthly about the same. I will likely just payoff the installation and equipment following my usual pattern of paying off things in a year but using my silly-good credit to get all the discounts and 0% interest first.

I take my 10PM pills and try to sleep. The drug is delayed as it passes through the liver first, and I am burning up a bit around 12:30 as usual. I wake and sleep, and finally, after proof of hydration is created, sleep late. I read more when sleep runs away a few times.

Late update: I forgot to mention that I mailed a pride flag, I buy a lot of them, to the Sparta UMC in New Jersey. They lost there’s and I thought they could use one from us here in Oregon. I told them if they need another one, in the letter with the flag, I would send more.

Starting my next day was a bit easier. I managed some food without side-effect yesterday and so waken feeling better.

Yesterday started with me doing my regular proof of hydration throughout the night. I slept until 9:40 and was a bit rushed to get my pills in on time with food, but I managed. I also made a pot of coffee.

I wanted, mistakenly, to limit my overuse of carbohydrates and focus food on cottage cheese again for breakfast. So I had a fruit cup with the white stuff, and it was good. I was hungry. I got all the pills in and tried to relax.

Today’s (Friday’s) side-effects involved quickly reaching the toilet. This was followed by the following process:

• Made it, no spills.
• Well, that was not too bad.
• How did I get so much in there?
• Yes, I will want an Extended Stay.
• Lucky, I brought a book.

After, I am taking the meds to bring the breach under control. I have multiple adventures and must change my plans for the day. No visit to Mrs. Wild today; Air Volvo does not have this facility. Kat suggested I really need to upgrade to a TARDIS.

By the early afternoon, I am dizzy, and my tummy is not happy. So I decided to make oatmeal from scratch. After cooking the steel-cut oats in a pan, I add brown sugar with walnuts and butter. It is perfect, and the dizzy and tummy issues are gone. My other problems also settled, and I am still fatigued, feeling much better. I needed some carbs.

I finally get dressed. It was not that hard once I got some food into me.

Kat in New York City got the first box of clothes. Susie, before the breast cancer, was about the same size and shape as Kat. So, after checking with Susie, I boxed up some of Susie’s older (and a few newer items she has not worn for a while) and sent them to Kat in NYC. Kat and Natasha may find a second life for some of the wearables. Kat liked the items, and some actually fit Kat perfectly. I will send more later. Kat and I shared the unboxing by FaceTime with me, with me filling in what the item was for.

Dinner is short ribs and risotto with a tart for dessert supplied by Kuang and Christine. It is fantastic. I have small meals and leave some for the 10PM the second dinner.

I am watching the second season of Miracle Worker, and I think I like the second season even better. They completely rewrote the story, and it is now about life in the dark ages in a tiny town. It is hilarious, and I need something light. They even had a running joke.

The clock is slowing, and that makes me very happy. The chemo-head was not impacting me. I am getting bored, good! I am paying more attention to my body as it needs food and rest in strange mixes. I will try to understand.

I managed to have trouble sleeping; I drank a lot of tea. I finally slept and got some rest last night.

 

The adherence to process, the careful understanding of the process, and just getting the through things done brought me to 1/2 through cycle 1 of chemotherapy.

Thanks, dear reader, for supporting me all these days. And for those occasional readers, thank you too.

On re-reading, this sounds more like my Howard character than my own experiences, but this is really how I actually think.

So far, I have had no permanent loss of dexterity, but extreme cold sensitivity is still there, and I am careful to monitor my toes. And yes, they all work.

I am getting up now, usually after many trips to the bathroom, proving my good hydration, around 9:30ish. Stealing a few hours more of morning luxuriating sleep.

I dress slow, and instead of my usual rushed morning of so many years working for the shoe company, I instead go slow and a bit unsteady.

This Thursday morning (yesterday), I had a bagel with butter and anti-nausea meds. I have to pick every morning as the drugs cause drowsiness and multiply their effect. Not a normal response, but I know my body, and it will put me out for the day if I take them together. So it is anti-nausea today, and the anti-diarrhea pills will have to wait.

The bagel stays where I put it. “You have chosen wisely,” words seem to drift into my head.

I take my chemo drugs and most of my chemicals at 10s, 10AM, and 10PM. This makes planning easy. I have to eat within 30 minutes of the 10s. I am now eating smaller meals as that seems to settle better and prevents more drugs and options that I might not enjoy.

I am usually a morning person starting at some dark hour and then rushing into the day excited by all the possibilities. Now, I glide a bit into the afternoon, finding it is 11AM before I am ready for that.

Thursday, I discovered that my two previous days of discomfiture had me miss that I have no clean clothes. Rev. Anne Weld-Martin called me and offered a lift to see Susie in Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A, but I had a sequence error. So I first needed to be dressed, and that meant doing laundry. So I had to forgo Anne’s kind offer and instead wait for the laundry process.

I need a distraction now, and thus, Mariah’s recommendation, I turned to HBOMax and found the show Miracle Worker. I don’t usually do comedies, but one set on God and angels and the end-of-the-world just gets me. All staring well-meaning young people, perfect. I loved it, and it distracted me while I waited, it seemed forever, for laundry.

I will admit I finished one season on Thursday, something I never do. So recommended, and you will know if this show is for you in one episode.

I dressed and enjoyed the newly clean clothing, and I managed to get ready and headed out in Air Volvo. I did not want to take any anti-nausea meds, as these drugs make driving complex. Thus, I drove with the windows open and my mind focused on the task. Phone calls happened, and it was nice to chat to folks while going and thus ignore my other more, let’s call them profound feelings.

I reached the facility without incident, that is, without my fellow Oregonians demonstrating any unique use of cars and driving laws. My entrance was delayed by answering the questions that I had symptoms of chemotherapy that overlap Covid-19 checks. The administrator ruled that I had no Covid-19 symptoms and thus could enter.

I was only there for a short time. Susie was awake and dressed with Rev. Anne Weld-Martin, and Susie spoke clearly and was very happy to finally see me after a two-day absence. But, of course, I put on gloves, as I cannot expose folks even to my hands as I am aswarm with chemo. So Susie got to hold my gloved hands for about twenty or so minutes.

I started to fade fast, and the mask was not improving my building nausea. I am usually a fan of N95 masks, and they never bother me until that day.

I forgot to take a pic, and I did not call Leta, and I suddenly needed to leave. So maybe next time it will be easier.

Anne follows me home in her car as I am pale and challenged now. I manage to have no events, no emergency auto-pilot items start on Air Volvo, reach home, collapse into my chair, and grab an anti-nausea med before things worsen.

Dinner and later dinner are cottage cheese. Something I love and can quickly get down. I watched the rest of season one of Miracle Worker; it fades a bit, but still is a good show.

Bed calls, and I manage to sleep after reading more. Better.

The day started with me up late and very uncomfortable. I had slept a bit but was up and down all night. I was tired, and my tummy hurt, and well, it was just ridiculous.

So this will be a concise blog as I just slept and tried to feel better.

I did not dress but changed to clean clothes to sleep again later.

I watched the weather channel and the big storm hitting the center of the USA.

I did enjoy and highly recommend the Book of Boba Fett (which when I spell it looks like a cheese and shrimp place, but luckily I looked up the spelling!) episode 5-6. This is on Disney+ and finds its roots again with these events moving the Star Wars cannon forward. Most excellent!

I managed to order too much for dinner making myself worse, and now I am sticking to small meals as recommended by doc. The bloating and gas issues were spectacular.

Slipping into today, Sleep stopped at 4AM with me up and down for a while. I find it helpful to sleep in the chair and then rotate in the bed. I did this and found myself luxuriating to 10! Better!

Forgot to take photos, but staged this one for us today.

I enjoyed my new book, putting one I was reading on hold as it is too dark for me at the moment, The Bright Ages: A New History of Medieval Europe. One of the authors, David M. Perry, wrote up a response to the banning of Mauz and so I thought I should read his books–I promise to read Mauz after the chemo. So far, Mr. Perry’s book is one of the better Medieval histories I have read and matches my thoughts on how to read and tell history. Recommended. 

I am reading the book when the discomfort gets to me, or I awaken. I can read just by Kindle light (yes, I use an Amazon reading device). It is well written, and I also know this history, so I do not need to be laser-focused to understand the text.

I am still getting some cold effects in my fingers, and the chemo exhaustion gets me when I focus on a task. Frustrating.

I managed to check off another side-effect and made fast trips to the toilet. No failures. But, I have to clean the bathroom every time to prevent anyone from being exposed to chemo drugs. So, yes, bleach wipes and cleaning are part of my routine now!

Evan called me and asked me for any wisdom from my experience so far. Nope. Nada. It is just as I imagined. A low burn flu-like process in the belly with an occasional misery increasing event. The emotions are closer to the surface, and tears come easy, but they always have for me, but I can find a book or a Marvel movie to bring me out of the tears. And, then there is constantly cleaning the toilet to get one head back together. Practical stuff works to ground me.

So I learned to eat small bites, tedious, and watch the intake for my stressed tummy. I take the drugs when things go wrong; emergency runs to the toilet are over (for now).

Dry heaves did not happen for a while. So the bagel and coffee were good this Thursday morning.

A better start!

I am not feeling very good this Wednesday morning and will limit my writing. Also, I spent most of Tuesday being uncomfortable, so there is very little genuine interest to write about. I was expecting trouble for today, and I have it.

The morning started well enough. I did not have to get up early and take the steroids, so I managed to sleep a bit more. Although trying not to overshare, I used the bathroom every two hours. Apparently, I am staying hydrated! So I was a bit staggered by the lack of sleep.

No bees in my bloodstream from the steroids made everything feel a bit normal.

But I started to feel the exhaustion and the literal stagger tiredness I had read about. So I threw on some clothes and drove Corwin to work just down the street. I then called the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A, and let the nurses know I would not make it in today. So they will update Susie that I am not making it in.

I had a bagel for food at 10AM and then made instant mashed potatoes for lunch. I was in some discomfort and tried to rest or move or anything. Then, I got a call from the chemo doc assistant, and they were concerned that I was going to be constipated (I think I have reached that goal already) and gave me advice on what to do (actions taken).

I had dry heaves a few times, went back to the anti-nausea meds, and tried to rest. Just a totally miserable set of moments.

I got dressed, which always makes me feel better, and watched the Weather Channel. There is another storm hitting the country’s east.

More heaves and still no results that bring relief. Ugh!

Dinner is from Red Robin, and I used Martha Sayle’s GrubHub card again for that. I just got appetizers finger food, and that seemed to work. The food helped a bit, but the bloating then just got worse later.

So not a very happy day, and today, Wednesday, is not starting better. I will be calling the docs soon if it gets worse.

Wish I had a more happy message.