Blog

I am feeling better this morning. I am taking my last pills for Cycle 1 today; it seems strange to reach this first marker.

Susie did not panic last night, and I did not have to go in to help.

The morning of Wednesday started at about 8:30ish. That morning I counted the chemo pills as I could not believe that I was at the end, and the count was perfect. I took all the medications with discipline, and all are accounted for. 16 pills for two days, perfect.

I use the end of the coffee. After that, Cowin will do some grocery shopping for me.

I call the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway to check on Susie (Room 44A). She has a new nurse, Eric, who says he is new to the ward, but he has seen no issues. I get a call that Susie is worried that I am in the hospital. I let the folks know I am OK and not in the hospital, and, more importantly, I will be there at about 1PM.

I drive Corwin to work and agree that he should do some grocery shopping after work. I just throw on clothes to do this.

I finish Eric Enders soup for lunch, taco soup.

I dress and then take Air Volvo to Forest Grove. Again, pickups are changing lanes in the most unusual and likely lawless ways. Nevertheless, I manage to avoid any unfortunate contact with them.

Susie was up and watching the Olympics. I could see the worry on her face, and she looked upset. So I just sat with her and held her hand after getting some gloves on (chemo can leach from your hands, so gloves are required). Susie would be relaxed for a few minutes and then learn forward in her wheelchair and start looking around. “Please take me home,” were the heartbreaking words she said to me.

I got Susie to agree that we would have to be brave and stay until I was better. So we watched some more Olympics and then called her mother, Leta, on FaceTime. Leta and Susie had a friendly chat with Leta, trying to help Susie find a calm place.

The Rev. Anne Weld-Martin came, and we moved to Susie’s room. There Anne gave communion for Susie, and the familiar words seemed to soothe Susie. Also, Susie was anointed with oil in a healing ritual by Rev. Anne. Susie seemed to find her center again and was calming reciting the Lord’s Prayer with us.

Susie decided she was tired, she had no sleep for two days, and the staff at the care center helped Susie get into bed. Anne and I left after Susie seemed back to herself. I got no more panicked calls and was able to sleep through the night.

I drove back and picked up Corwin at Fred Myers. He had done the grocery shopping, and we had a few small items for breakfast now. But, no coffee.

Note: I subscribed to coffee delivery from Amazon for a while.

I rested a bit and then watched more Clone Wars on Disney+.

I have to get back to my book, Bright Ages. My reading list is getting long again. Jack Cone has recommended some, and Deborah Hills found the impossible-to-find copy of Maus and sent me one.

Michelle Vondenkamp and the SEC leadership supplied dinner. I picked wings and cornbread from a locally black-owned biz in Beaverton, Riptz City Eats.

I started back on my model and determined that cardboard cutting should be avoided, so I stopped the process after cutting some more. I am not getting what I want, and I am risking too much to build a sphere when a craft one is $9. This, of course, was pointed out by sister Linda Wild.

I took the chemo at 10 and went to bed early. I then got up and putter around a bit before returning to the bed not too early.

Despite being wired, I fell asleep and dreamed I was back at the shoe company working with the directors to run our software. It was not going so well in my dreams when I woke up on Thursday morning.

On Tuesday, going backward, I was tired and made the bed after washing everything. It was a challenge as I was dead tired. I put the iPhone by the bed and fell asleep just after midnight. I slept through the call from the facility. Susie had called me to come back. I have adjusted the phone; it is still new and not quite set to my usual settings to be louder and play stronger tones.

Note: I called this morning and spoke to Susie’s nurse, and Susie is OK.

I was tired as I had driven at 8PM to the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A, after getting a call from Susie via a nurse. “I need you,” were the words that got me to drive there. Susie was panicked when I got there. She wanted a hug and for me to take her home. I told Susie that I needed her to be brave and stay. Susie agreed. I spent time getting her calm. Susie seemed better when I left about 9PM.

The night traffic included me observing many experimental driving techniques. I had to be very careful on the way inbound to Forest Grove. Huge pickup trucks were changing lanes in unexpected ways and speeding up and even slowing down in ways that I am sure made some sense to the drivers. Nevertheless, I made it without incident, watching more tailgates than I expected, some very close so I could see the very nicely polished chrome.

I called the Weld-Martins, and Anne will stop by to see Susie on Wednesday afternoon.

Michael Giessner and family supplied dinner tonight, which was my fav of pizza and salad.

I was feeling exhausted by the day’s end. I also have new bleeding from my incision. Likely it was caused by the seatbelts as it resides over the incision. I will be more careful with it now. The bleeding is stopped.

On relaxing things, I managed to cut out the start of a balloon project I am doing for Dungeons and Dragons. The model will be a fantasy swamp gas flying balloon, much like a hot air balloon, but with the magical swamp gas enabling a smaller balloon volume, creating a model size that will work well on a gaming table.

I am watching the “Last Season” of the animated series Clone Wars on Disney+, about all our heroes and villains in the movies. It is funny and well done. It takes the material seriously and is not a kids’ watered-down version. I watched another four or five episodes while eating and trying to rest.

Note: The Cycle 1 chemo last dose is on Thursday! Yeah!

Before this, I drove back from seeing Susie. There I found her still in bed and seemed to be tired today. So I called Leta, Susie’s mom, and Barb, Susie’s sister, and they all chatted for a while on FaceTime. This seemed to please Susie, and I left about an hour later as I run-out-of-steam often.

The drive into Forest Grove was unmemorable. Good.

The morning started early as sleep left me early. I wrote a longish email to Nike about my experiences so far with colon cancer. I managed to get the blog done again. I woke tired, and coffee was needed.

 

I used to know it was Monday as I was back at Nike Information Technology’s regular status meetings on Monday, and that always made me smile; it is a grim smile. Often we work on Nike’s accounting and fulfillment systems (usually just called SAP in the same way back twenty years ago it was called IBM) following an 8/24 schedule (“8” means over holidays and Sunday) over weekends to fix something. We need to be done before the biz notices (about 5PM Sunday Portland time when Japan starts its Monday). We often could get a nap or even sleep on Monday. “TGiM,” we can finally work our regular 12 hours day jobs. So this Monday was a strange day for me as I started a bit earlier and felt better, but I had no Nike IT items.

Aside: For years, my friends in IT we baffled that Michael Giessner and I had weekend access to buildings at the shoe company. We had 8/24 access and not their 7/24 that does not open a facility on Sunday. We had selected a different check box on the electronic access form. It helps to drink coffee with the building security folks!

Note: We never got t-shirts for Nike SAP’s BASIS and Development team that said, “Doing the Impossible Every Day, DIED on The Weekend Team.”

Monday was a repeat of previous days, but I felt tired, had less sleep, and had no terrible side effects. Pills, food, coffee, and getting dressed all happened without the need to expand on those activities.

I managed to eat some lunch before I headed out 1ish and reached Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A. Susie had been up before I was there but now was tired and resting in bed. She was dressed but ready for a nap.

We called her mother, Leta. Susie and Leta had a long FaceTime chat. We were able to reach Peter Koper also for a short call.

Rekha and Shyam sent some flowers, and I brought them for Susie. Susie loves flowers.

I soon felt the fatigue after about an hour of visiting Susie. So I return home, getting a Carl’s Jr. Western burger (a guilty pleasure) with a shake; I pick up Corwin from work. Unfortunately, the shake still causes cold reactions and is consumed only partially.

I find I am confusing hunger and nausea somedays. I am just not eating enough from what I can figure out.

I am also slow and lay down for a bit. I am surprised to see 6PM on the clock when I open my eyes. Time flies!

Michael Giessner and family supply dinner tonight. I ordered some Italian and split the salad with Corwin (who already had dinner). I eat about 1/3 at around 6ish. Eric Enders dropped off some taco soup which will be my lunch on Tuesday.

In the last couple of days, I have removed some of the chaos. My workspace is back to usable. I managed to find all the work I had planned and started in October still there, yes October. My trip to New York City was extended. I never got back to the figures I assembled on the first days of my 25th Year Sabbatical from the shoe company.

I managed to get six figures from a strange Kickstarter that included building and figures to play a tactic level in the Salem Witch setting (?!), primed. I am using hand painting as I cannot be in the garage spraying paint for all the obvious reasons. I was happy to sit and paint, even gray primer, and that I had no issues.

I am also starting to build a balloon model for Dungeons and Dragons with more supplies on their way from the Czech Republic (they have the best wooden ship parts). More on that later. Just getting my head around my plan.

I read more and could not sleep. I get up and order St. V gifts for folks, which gives me something more to be thankful for. I finally do sleep. I wake up a lot.

 

 

I slept in on Sunday and did all those pills and food things needed around 10AM. I feel better, but just as I get going, the fatigue starts, and I have to sit and wait. Thus I have stacks of games and papers now. They are not put anywhere.

I watched a much better live stream of the church service. Again, the transitions can still be rough, and some mics are hotter than others, but the camera focus and connectivity are perfect. And not the dread Zoom+ meeting with the hacks and risks. Well done!

I managed to finally get dressed and organized by the start of the afternoon. Cowin, his day off, and I took Air Volvo in Sunday traffic to Forest Grove. The alarms only went off once of immediate collision (on the way back), and I was braking for one driver changing lanes using a process that is not likely to appear in the Oregon Driving Handbook.

In Forest Grove, Mariah met us at The Black Dog, an overpriced but decent foodie haven with beer. I had fried chicken (without bones in the chicken–more of like a southern fried large piece chicken fingers), and Mariah had a burger. Corwin bought his own pound of great pit beef. He brought some home, unusual for him to be filled up.

Mariah, off to explore more house buying options, went on her way, and Corwin and I headed to the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center, Room 44A, to see Susie. We passed the process and found Susie in a wheelchair, dressed, watching the Olympics. Susie was a bit more confused than yesterday; she was likely tired, but her voice was clearer than yesterday, and she did try to chat. She struggles to get out the meaning she wants. Susie managed to sing a broken Happy Birthday to her nephew Caleb in Michigan, who turned, how is this possible, twenty.

I managed to remember the hockey wear for Susie’s favorite Olympic team, Team Zamboni. I found this item in a catalog years ago and got it for her. A must-have.

I grew tired, I can start, but finishing is hard. So we left Susie watching the Olympics.

Corwin trying to prevent another full-on epic fail, has cleaned and kept the kitchen together these last few days. I also got a small set of Blue Apron meals, and Corwin cooks us a great late dinner; I have to eat about 10PM.

I cannot sleep until about 2ish, but the book is terrific. I enjoyed the Bright Ages. Its central premise is that the “Dark Ages” and the history we read are a creation of the racist Age of Empires/Reason and thus are distorted to fit the white supremacist viewpoint. However, after reading the original sources, the authors contend, one finds a more complex and bright world in the past. I think it is pulling off a good reworking of history I know and I do not disagree so far with the findings of Mr. Perry. Recommended.

In finally fall asleep.

Today, Sunday, I nearly slept into 10AM. I had to get going and take the pills as I can’t mistime them without consequences (all bad). No pronounced side effects, and more importantly, no new ones have surfaced to offer me chances to test my optimism that I can get through the bottle (Friday means more this week); the end is coming!

Yesterday, Saturday, I was moving and happy to get started by 9ish and thus was early for all the pills and felt much better. I remembered to have cottage cheese and make oatmeal again. Both protein and carbs are needed for me to feel myself now.

Corwin leaves me a huge pile of dishes for three days. He had agreed to keep the kitchen but failed at his commitments again. So naturally, I was angry, and I ended up burning fingers, washing all the pans, and running the pile of dishes into the dishwasher. I will point out later to Corwin the epic fail this is for him. I also had to stop the ant invasion, the ants finally finding all the dirty dishes. Yikes!

I plan to soon commit insecticide against our invaders. Die ants! Die! Die! Yes, I have a service, and the ants are always back for the subsequent treatment. I suspect they have little ant swimming vests as they have been damp these weeks.

Aside: My father, years ago, suggested I should glue tiny LEDs on the ants and let them loose. The locals would be reporting Terminator Ants or Borg Ants and might get rid of them. Instead, I have resisted this clearly demented idea–raise the perception of a threat. But, it does fit with the Wild sense of humor and makes me smile as I remember dad describing the reaction of a Bug person seeing a swarm of lighted ants under the house. I will admit that the LED was easy, but I could only power the LED with an electromagnetic force, and that is not going to get the impact dad was looking for; “scanning” the ants with a magnet would cause them to burn bright. Tiny safe batteries are still not there. I did look into supercapacitors, and that too is not small enough but is safe. Decorating ants still remains elusive.

Time flies, and before I knew it, it was lunch and time to get dressed and ready. Still no side effects that cannot be handled. I drive to the Forest Grove Rehab and Care Center at 3900 Pacific Highway, Room 44A. It is Saturday, and the entrance process is ad hoc. They have folks there on Sunday as many folks see Mom and Dad on Sunday, but Saturday is 1/2 staff and a bit slow. Finally, I am passed as I have happy to say I have no symptoms or exposure or International travel today.

Susie is having an excellent day. She struggles to be understood, but her voice is better, and her words come through when she can find them. She repeats over and over, “I am trying.” Susie wants to get home and knows that she needs to eat and work to live at home. Hospice has given Susie a break, and she is now getting better.

I forgot to take a pic, sorry, but we did call Leta, Susie’s mother, and then Barb, Susie’s sister, and finally we reached the Smiths. I spent more than an hour until the fatigue grew. I am a good starter but not a finisher now.

I reached the Volvo Cave without dodging any creative driving from my fellow Oregonians. Many drivers are much more relaxed in their adherence to speed (going fast) after decriminalizing various soft and hard drugs. One must be watchful for the relaxing drivers.

At home, Rekha and Shyam provided a spiced and fabulous Butter Chicken. I was thinking, as I ate, that I needed to return to India or return to cooking, something I gave up for chemo. I have known Rekha and Shyam for most of my SAP time at the shoe company and watched their careers fly. I cannot count, and it would be unwise to try to recall the number of holidays, weekends, and overnights I have done with them. Thank you, Rekha and Shyam.

Returning to the story, I still feel even better and managed to put the board game Ankh in the garage. Maybe we will get back to it, but I think there are better games for me. It was a Kickstarter, and the last three were not as successful as I had hoped and have moved to the back shelves. Extreme cold sensitivity comes back in the garage. I stop working there.

Saturday night, I ordered a whole ADT security system for the house–it has been on the list but moved up now. There is no increase in crime that I have seen in the area, but I think it is time to have a little better control over the house. As usual, there is no problem spending money on these things and the 30% discount makes it all seem cheaper. The installation is in 17Feb2022. After that, I will be canceling the service, still in place for Susie’s emergency alarm, which costs monthly about the same. I will likely just payoff the installation and equipment following my usual pattern of paying off things in a year but using my silly-good credit to get all the discounts and 0% interest first.

I take my 10PM pills and try to sleep. The drug is delayed as it passes through the liver first, and I am burning up a bit around 12:30 as usual. I wake and sleep, and finally, after proof of hydration is created, sleep late. I read more when sleep runs away a few times.

Late update: I forgot to mention that I mailed a pride flag, I buy a lot of them, to the Sparta UMC in New Jersey. They lost there’s and I thought they could use one from us here in Oregon. I told them if they need another one, in the letter with the flag, I would send more.